±«Óãtv

On reflection, the genetically engineered olive farm was getting out of control.

Large Hadron Collider solves world food shortage.

Birds do it, bees do it, even educated peas do it.

"Our implants come in a choice of colours."

Arrietty knew that climbing into the kaleidoscope was probably a mistake.

"The crystal is hidden in one of these coloured eggs, you have 30 seconds to find it - or you'll be locked in and Mumsie will eat you."

"We do find that the Artex flooring is a bit harder to maintain."

Balls, where did I leave my keys?

The auditions for Rover in the remake of The Prisoner were taking a colourful if repetitive theme.

Climb into a large oven and cook on 'high' until brown.

Peter Ebdon was sure he had already potted the brown.

Chaos grips the ball-people of the 4th dimension, as all the cash machines start spitting out women instead of £20 notes.

I'm afraid...

...Davina, my mind is going. I can feel it...

...Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you...

Alien 5: The Vegetarian Alternative

Orange goes green.

Sharon from accounts was making full use of the ±«Óãtv's new 'stress lounge' after she was given the task of running this weeks Caption Competition.

New Turner Prize to be sponsored by Bachelors.

Kerry felt that the 'This Morning' set was very gaudy.

Yes, you are katatonic..

The giant peas and carrots she could handle, it was the turnips about to arrive that worried her..

Your call is important to us, press the green button to speak to a customer service advisor..

Snooker had really got easier over the years.

"I'm sure I left the kids in here."

Yes, this particular tourist has been trapped in the Millennium Dome's 'body zone' on a refuse site in Lewisham for about 8 years now.

This is absolutely the last time I agree to troubleshoot the balloon drop

Welcome aboard, Minister..

In an effort to recapture his youth Martin had invented a ball-pit for adults and invited his friends to play.
Unfortunately, he remembered that in his youth he didn't have many friends.

So this is where they hide the kudos

Don't count your aliens before they hatch

Ridley Scott appointed to prom decorating committee

Genetically modified vegetables require a redesign of Covent Garden market.

We're going to need a considerably bigger collider to smash these atoms!

It's being open by the Schools Secretary, Ed somebody, don't know why though?

To say the new Big Brother house was small and poorly decorated was an understatement.

The "Spot the Ball" competition is accused of dumbing down

Of course its Art, its in a gallery isn't it?

Excuse me, please can we have our ball back?

'Insert humorous caption about Russian Billionaire donations and balls here.'

I'll kill that Llewelyn Bowen! I said I wanted a big Ballroom.

So THIS is why Jacqui Smith has no idea what's going on in the real world.
Huh, go figure.

Doctor Who’s new assistant was unimpressed. Firstly, the Tardis wasn’t bigger on the inside, she could see the mirrors. Secondly, the so-called alien invasion was obviously just stolen from the local kids play area. She decided to settle for a normal boyfriend instead of this loser.

Susannah Constantine discovers that Hell is personal.

Inflation had an unexpectedly literal effect on this year's tomato and olive crop.

Just another day in the life of a Japanese game show contestant

Guess how many balls there are and win a trip on a yacht with a Russian billionaire

After the LHC breakdown, the hunt for the Higgs Boson takes a manual approach

The Pac Man family vault gave her an eerie feeling

Scotty, was Captain Kirk eating an apple when you switched on the teleporter?

And it comes with a ballroom

Soldier WAGs undergo quicksand training

the first contestant on the new Crystal Maze felt it was a bad time to mention she was colour blind.

The lab tech regretted having left the orange and green thingys out all night

Balls!

!I think it`s time I had my Haemoroid problem sorted out."

Nena could see the 99 Red Balloons, but had no idea where the green ones came from

Five a day? I thought you said five thousand.

Edna opens up a fruit machine to see why she hasn’t been winning

New Government regulations mean lifeguards must be employed at all children's play areas

How do you tell if they're ripe?

At least poor Kerry Katona should be safe in here

Jackie! Jackie?

Harriet was annoyed to discover Bill had not untangled the Christmas lights from last year

I thought the mirrors would make the room look bigger

Daniella Westbrook searches for her septum

The new job? Having a ball.

At long last, we can now start selling all this non-metric fruit

Whatever these things are, they're multiplying like rabbits!

It wasn't the balls that disturbed Clare, it was the person to her left that looked distinctly like her.

Did you say cravings or ravings, doctor?

It's my fault. The decorator asked if I'd like wallpaper with pictures of Margaret Thatcher on, and I replied balls.

The first design of the adult ball pit needed some revision.

I think I must have mistyped the specification. I meant soft porn, not soft-play.

And this is the storage facility for Katie Price's earlier implants

Hillary's collection had grown extensively through the years

Bunny's helper prepares the stash for the long wait until Easter.

Biggest Lime and Orange Tic-Tac fan is given her own giant lifetime supply pack.

Member of staff at the Crucible is sacked after ordering snooker balls in orange and green

World's smallest woman found living in a packet of Tic-tacs

Bizarrely, two Tic-tacs fans post their caption at the same time.

The contestants on Through the Keyhole were stumped. Who would live in a house like this?

...and since that moment, I've never looked at Tic-Tacs in the same way.

Finally it was revealed how banks had been making their investment decisions: Buy or Sell Bingo

After realising her mother was right that carrots would help her see in the dark, Karen was dsturbed to see what things actually look like with the lights turned off.

Rumour had it that the trouble with tribbles would be revisited in the latest Star Trek remake

Oh dear, I think we've put this room in upside-down

On second thoughts darling, I think the mirrors WERE a bit too much.

David felt that Emma's obsession with 5-a-day was becoming just a little too much.

Hilda was only 3 years old when she entered the ball pool at the wacky warehouse.

The company advertising themselves as 'Egg' was not what I expected...

I've decided to call it 'The trouble with nuclear power'

There are complaints when fingernails and teeth are found in the Apple and Orange smoothies

Magritte was never very successful as an interior designer

Ripley could feel the first egg hatching and knew that today was going to be a very, very bad day.

Molly finally discovers the truth about Fibber McGee's closet

...and written on the balls are the names of all the people Tracey Emin hasn't slept with.

Margaret here is just removing one now...

For gods sake keep looking, David Beckham's in here somewhere...

After trying alcohol for inspiration, Tracey Emin turns to acid

Birds, eye.

Health & Safety Inspectors were blamed for the remake of 'Cube' not having quite the same edge as the original

Vis all dese balls, der must be a man in here sumvhere... muttered Gretchen.