±«Óãtv

I've just read the sign - I thought I was a loris

I wonder what the turkeys are being given

Actually, I'm an atheist too, but don't tell them until after the meal

Yeah, we had our phones hacked too.!

So, are you worried about the Eurozone bond market as well?

Actually we're waiting for the knives and forks

Just what is the point of having opposable thumbs if they don't give us cutlery to eat with?

Her Majesty's tea parties have gone downhill with the financial crisis haven't they?

Having our Thanksgiving meal? Actually, we're stealing someone else's.

The Zoo will be disappointed - they thought they'd hired Olly Murs

I thought we were booked to play the piano

It's a French restaurant - they thought they were hiring Pink Floyd to play "The Wall"

Off the wine then Bert?

Of course they treat us as celebrities - I'm listed in Who's Zoo now

And afterwards they're putting on a showing of "Madagascar" for us

They wanted someone to bless the meal, but I think they got the wrong San Francisco primate

The lemurs were looking anxious, as today's the day the teddy bears had their picks knicked!

Hey, who said I was a vegetarian?

Pass the salt!

I bags the champers

"Actually I thought this was an audition for the next series of Downton Abbey."

The animal recreation of Little Britain

Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo regretted panning the Harry Potter films...

"Paper napkins for us again I note. I bet the bloody pandas haven't been fobbed off with paper napkins."

Colin was grateful for the effort, but did the zoo keeper really have to invite the fusa to the same sitting?!

Yep! That Martini has definitely been stirred

"What am I thankful for? Well for a start I'm thankful that we only have to go through this farce once a year."

Lunch? Don't they realise we're nocturnal?

"Hunch down a bit and stop looking so darn cute, the last thing we need to do is attract Paris Hilton's attention."

The Jungle diet just didn`t agree with Ant and Dec.

Er, should we leave a tip?

And I distinctly ordered at least three cushions each

Yeah, I thought of joining the strike, but then I thought, it'll be a nice meal ...

Harry was fired from the Zookeeper's Guild as soon as they realised he had left his novelty slippers in the middle of the 'design a thanks-giving table' competition photo shoot

Olives? In Champagne? What would Popeye think?!

"Woooooah dude, I don't know what's in the champers but it ain't grapes..."

So I thought, aye-aye, what's this?

"Doris! quick turn this way, they're taking a picture, and you didn't trim your ear hair this morning!"

Upon seeing the space left on the plates, Larry and Lawrence realised why they were invited for dinner in the lion enclosure...

Left one: So where's the meat on these dishes then, eh?

Right one: Dude, there's a human with a big knife running towards us. Let's go!

No chips? Who's running the café now, Jamie Oliver?

It's celebrity time! And here's Loris Olivier.

They should never have let Raymond Blanc win that 'Zookeeper for a Day' competition

And they call this a restaurant? The best-tasting thing here is the carpet.

Gee Bonzo, you take me to all da best places....

I don't fancy meeting the creature that bit the holes in the back of these chairs.

"Cooking doesn't get more challengin' than this, does it John?"

It could be worse at least we haven't been forced to eat the pumpkin pie

"Hold on. Did you say it only has TWO Michelin stars?"

oooohhh....shiny

At last! Our chance to upstage those wretched meerkats.

OK so thats all the broccoli gone, so where's the cranberry sauce?

Opposable thumbs? I could do with an opposable backside too!

Did you know there's a city called Lima in Ohio and another in Peru. We could launch a website for tourists: "Compare the Lemurs.com".

"Look out, it's that Heston Blumenthal. Now remember, you are NOT an ingredient, whatever he says and whatever he does with that foot pump...."

What they heck? I'm sure I saw some guy on TV eating witchetty grubs - and we get this heap of sludge!

There was a sign outside the restaurant that said "Le Mur" - how was I supposed to know it was a Chinese restaurant run by a Frenchman?

Of course I want to eat - just as soon as I can get these black gloves off

And don't open your mouth, otherwise Johnny Morris will make us look like idiots as usual

Does this mean that they're going to kill us and take our land?

And I'm telling ya dat ain't Bollinger you numbnutz.

All together Now..... 'I like to move it, move it, move it,..... I like to move it, move it

Apparently its an Olive Martini!?

You might be King Julien, but I'm not getting the olives out of your wine...

When they said we were getting Apples for lunch I thought I'd be on Angry Birds by now.

I like to move it, move it......

I suppose this means PG Tips are launching a Madagascan blend

Why does this placemat say Former Fame Academy Finalist after my name?

I would have thought the San Francisco Zoo would have been the last place you could accuse of anthropomorphism

Ok, you were lucky with the first five grapes. Double or quits on six in the glass.

'The green beans are not The only thing on this table that's Julienne', the King quipped.

"Hey Bonzo, who's getting da bill for this?"
"I already did, Leckie, and I ate it"

Hugh Fearnle-Whittingstall hits a problem as his fresh meat dish won't stay on the plate.

In the next scene, Walt Disney wants us to eat a green bean from opposite ends

"I see they've pulled out all the stops with the vegetarian option as usual.."

"Hey Leckie, you left some lentils on your chair. I ate em, they were great"
"Hey Bonzo, they ain't lentils"

"Hey Bonzo, did you remember to turn off the gas?"

"Hold on. I left my credit card in my other fur..."

"Hey Bonzo, ain't it great to be eating al fresco at this time of year"
"Yeah, I always loved Al, he was my favourite keeper"

Oh no! I suppose that photograph will be all over the News of the World next week now.

Hey look son they have even put our species on the name plates....under the title " Menu"

Why shouldn't we be eating like this? If a pig like ±«Óãtvr Simpson can eat in the Gilded Truffle ...

Life on Walton mountain carried on just the same way as it had done before the radioactive leak.

The photo's for the ±«Óãtv? OK, at least they won't make fun of us.

If you pay peanuts....

I don't mind the furniture, but it looks as if they get the meals from IKEA too ...

The ±«Óãtv's Frozen Planet actors wait patiently to see if they have won an award

"It was a joke I tell you. All I said to that drunk keeper was 'Bet you can't say 'Silver Salver Lemur twice'!"

San Francisco Zoo has a great reputation for conservation? Well, it hasn't done much for the turkeys, has it?

"Henry, if what is pickling in that glass is what I think it is, we'd better rename you Henrietta"

Lemur Come Dine With Me

"The beans were boiled to buggery and the sweetcorn was out of a tin but the name cards and rosemary sprigs were a nice touch. I'm going to Babs....... a five."

Thank God turkeys are off the endangered list

Lemur Come Dine With Me

"The beans were boiled to buggery and the sweetcorn was out of a tin but the name cards and rosemary sprigs were a nice touch. I'm going to give Babs....... a five."

CERN's neutrino team celebrate discrediting Einstein and Darwin in one swoop.

I hate these bushtucker trials, don't you Dec ?

The cocktail? It's a Harvey le Mur-banger.

"Hector, I'm appalled. The Chateau d'Isigny 1992 should never be served at more than -2 degrees..."

"Where did you get these plates?"

"They're hubcaps - a present from the macaques"

Sales figures for the lastest "Dine in for Two for £10" hit new heights

Oh no! Harry's tail's up. I'm off.