±«Óãtv

Yeah, the ±«Óãtv Magazine Monitor hasn't had a clown caption for, what, three weeks?

'My balloon is bigger' seemed to have lost something in translation.

The members at the Coulrophobics' Convention were about to have a bit of a shock

Of course I didn't look in a mirror to check my hair - I suffer from coulrophobia

With a final check on their makeup, they took their places in the perfume department of Debenhams.

The concept of the identity parade was just beginning to sink in

Coco began to be a bit suspicious of his neighbour after he burst three balloons in succession

"Well, who has got the pins then?"

Go ahead, pull my finger

The new X-Factor judges are sworn in

The Durex test bench

The look of disdain at the lack of colour was hidden only by the smile Coco had painted on that morning...

Balloon animal training camp was off to a slow start

You know what they say about men with big feet?
Yeah, bunions.

Yeh, I’m a banker too..

Line on left, one balloon each

Had an accident at work? Hear what Coco has to say. "They got me twenty grand for slipping on a banana skin at work and a further ten for the incident with the bucket of water, now that's a good lawyer."

The jury in the Michael Jackson trial is finally settled

After the Liam Fox case, David Cameron decides on a whole new Cabinet

Welcome to Hell. I'm your host, Auguste...

Do Clowns have funny bones?

Yeah, I'm a balloon artist - this is meant to be a bad case of haemorrhoids

Producers try to liven up the new series of 15 to 1...

Wonder what the French are doing today?

This year's G20 summit gets kicked off with a team building balloon exercise.

Adam Werritty, where is he now?

You know what they say - big feet ... revolving bow-tie

Is it me, or are none of them really smiling?

You fool - this isn't a Star Trek Convention

As the doctor warmed his hands he knew that "cough and drop" was not going to cut it with these inflamations

Of course I look miserable - I just bought a new car, and the doors won't fall off

She's down to her last three balloons on the dance floor. Clown posse on the left standby to cover.

Coco was having last minute doubts about becoming a Freemason.

Chipperfield Follies

Scary, innit?

We're not in France anymore, Chuckles.

I really wanted to be an accountant, but my dad insisted I got a proper job.

One had the funny feeling that this was going to be a let down

Them

'Tragically hilarious' will be our theme this evening. Who's first up?

Billy Smart? Nah, I used to work for Billy Thicko.

Don't you just hate it when people confuse us for Law Lords?

Colonel Gaddafi looked around furtively. Had he been spotted? He was convinced at first this was a good disguise but now he was not so sure.

The escape committee is going to receive a stiff letter of complaint about these disguises.

Female mime artists gather to complain about the industry's glass ceiling that isn't there

Does the phrase 'Double Tap' mean anything to you?

I love your look, where did you get the idea from?
Have you heard of Barbara Cartland?

We've sent in the clowns. What now, over?

I reckon Yves St. Laurent's definitely got this year's fashion wrong

What call centers really look like from the inside.

French TV launches the Coco Channel

Clown school, the only school where you get praised the more you act the fool

The England team face the press before the next Euro 2012 qualifier

If Ridley Scott did birthday parties.

Prime Minister, I did warn you not to organise a Cabinet Meeting on Dress Down Day

"No, Alain, even dressed like that, I still don't reckon you'll be safe visiting Cardiff."

One wonders why all the clowns were wearing boxing gloves

I used to be the face of McDonald's until the IMDB published my age.

The chemical that produced the GIANT cherries also had some side-effects.

Oh alright, ±«Óãtvy does do that.

And they turned down my application to be on TV with Gok Wan yet again

Beppo had misread the sign. The Clown Convention was in Hall 6 whereas he stood proudly on the catwalk of London Fashion Week in Hall 9.

The years had not been kind to Bozo

We had to order two taxis as there were more than 52 of us

I think I'd better see a doctor - I'm feeling a bit funny

I misread the job spec - they wanted someone to sell Big Issues in Piccadilly Circus

Is there a Moammar here? There's a call on the red phone.

It did not matter who was the real Amidala. The Federation would keep them all captive until the Republic paid the ransom for Naboo's ruler.

Well that is 30 years of driving and I've never had a car that's past an M.O.T yet.

No, I said we need clown FISH costumes for Finding Nemo the Musical...

Yeah, I did not go down well with that last hen party - they thought they'd ordered the Chippendales, not Chipperfield's

Now I'm really scared!

Grimaldi? I agree - Lidl's much better.

So this guy who'd ordered the big top thought he was getting an evening with Katie Price

Finally, the European Finance ministers were ready to see the Greek delegation.

The It Crowd

So I got Interflora to deliver the wife flowers for her birthday, and then she complained she was all wet

Finally, an answer to the question of why the rubber chicken crossed the road.

Your shoes and handbag don't match...

And now this psychiatrist says the kids are frightened of me!

The bailiffs did all they could to be the acceptable face of eviction to the residents of Dale Farm.

Then they threatened legal action! So I said look, if my name's Solomon, why can't I call myself the Cirque de Solly?

Delboy breathed a sigh of relief. It seems that this time he was not the only one who had not been informed that Trigger's party was now a wake.

I know I told Top Man I wanted my family kitted out with suits for my first appearance in court, but I definitely said Crown Court.

Right you lot. Before we start, anyone who isn't going to take this audition seriously may as well leave now.

And I've made it into the Clown Calendar as Mr. Auguste

The doctor said he wasn't sure whether I was suffering from coulrophobia or self-loathing

Are you trying to humour me?

The Design Council review some of the designs that did not make the shortlist for the electricity pylon redesign

The Greatest Identity Parade on Earth

Yeah, my name's Sendin - Sendin the Clown

DC awoke in a cold sweat. It was THAT dream again.

A line of Charlies?

The Highways Agency's attempt at making motorway crash barriers more fun was met with widespread criticism.

Well, I don't find the film very erotic, but the three clowns to my right clearly do

Yeah, I didn't get a part in the latest Head and Shoulders advertising campaign either

YesI hire out clowns and my website is thecococo.co.uk. Our Colombian website? Yes that's....

Models show off the new Paul Smith post-stripe collection

Joey thinks to himself "Look at him, call himself a new generation clown? Hmph. He's not even got a red nose. And I bet he drives one of those eco thingamy Billy Smartcars."

Of course clowns aren't funny. You can tell that from the level of humour in these captions.