±«Óãtv

I'm a Wayne Rooney fan actually.

Shrek - the work experience years.

It's SO not easy being green.

At Sainsbury's everything's ogrepriced

Trolley not troll, Simkins!

Tonight on ITV, 'Where are they now?' What happens to the stars when the cameras stop rolling.

That skin cream was definitely past its sell-by date

That's torn the good looking part of the personal ad then.

As at Tesco, every little twit helps

You're working at Sainsbury's, not gooseberries!

You may think I'm looking stupid, you should see me mate Dave, he's dressed as Princess Fiona.

And to think I only stopped shopping at Asda because of the appalling way customers dress there

It's incredible how people can get a Hulk like me mixed up with the Shrek.

Sainsbury's introduces a new uniform in an attempt to make staff more animated

I may be from Yorkshire, but my accent's Scottish, Madam.

When Sir Alex told Rooney that he needed to do more for the team, this wasn't quite what Wayne had imagined

Just a word of warning , I'd give the tuna sandwiches a miss today.

Dale Winton after a heavy night on the beer

I drew the line at wearing a kilt in this weather.

Indelible means it comes off, aye?

After years of unemployment, the Jolly Green Giant finally gets another job

This is promotion for me, I normally do the Donkey work!

Don't forget to collect your Shrektar points.

Well, it's not as bad as when they released King Kong on DVD

Sainsbury's are looking into complaints from their customers that there were no green Smarties in the packets they bought

Next week, we're promoting "Last Tango in Paris" on DVD, so I hope the weather improves a bit

I'm green with envy.

With the cream horns all covered in mould, we had to do something with them

I'm hoping to move to the USA one day so I thought it would help me get a green card.

Yeah, well I always fancied a career in green-grocery

Luckily, the aliens' invasion coincided with the release of the Shrek DVD

Sainsbury's was always very aware of Elf and Safety matters

See mum! See dad! And you said a degree in Media Studies was a waste of time!

I wanted to be the Grinch but I'm not wrinkley enough.

They had to take me off the veg counter an old lady had me in her trolley three times thinking i was a marrow

It was a pity Kevin's colleague drove away all the customers when he got the wrong Mike Myers and turned up as the slasher from Halloween

The peas were definately not good last night dear.

Oi Dave! You sure indelible means easily removed?

Avatar 2 : Past Its Sell By Date

Another reason for not eating sprouts.

Thanks to Wikileaks, Brian had just found out his best mate at work was getting the promotion.

Sadly, nobody noticed Derek's gangrene until after the promotion was over, and then it was too late ...

The last bit of greenery left in Scotland.

After the public humiliation, Kevin was determined not to have the lowest sales next week

I knew i shouldn't have worn that fake gold jewellery last night

Newcastle United chairman out for a stroll

I think I've overdosed on the spinach.

No, we're not bringing back green stamps

It's these equality laws, mate - they can't discriminate between species

I warned you about eating the sushi past its sell by date, but would you listen?

Still dazed after a drunken night on the town, Derek doesn't remember the little green men he met on the way home.

You can't come in here dressed in pajamas!

I used to be a lollipop man but i had to leave everyone was calling me the Green cross Toad.

I did have a 'Taste the difference' meal for one last night, and it they were right, it did taste different...

It's one of those new carols for a commercialised Christmas - "Ogre Mall ye Faithful"

The New York St. Patrick's Day Parade had left an indelible impression on Sean.

There's nay trolley dollys arooond here, I've eaten them....

"I always wanted to be a greengrocer..."

First day sales surprisingly low at Sainsbury's Turnham Green.

Derek deeply regretted buying a Taiwanese tanning lamp

Nominative determinism in the workplace no.1: Greengrocer.

Last time i put my fake tan on in the dark.

Puss? No, he's next door... in Boots.

As soon as he got home, Mike was going to get that shower fixed

"You think this is bad? You should have seen what they made me wear to advertise Jordan's latest book...!"

Derek just hoped nobody would realise he'd been rolling around in the grass with the manageress

Despite his father's fame and fortune, David Banner Jr. was still angry that he had to take a part-time job.

Unfortunately, four elderly customers fainted after Jez started screaming and yelling after he got his zip jammed between the trolleys

We had twelve inches of snow this morning, but now it looks like Wayne

"You'll be an ogre," said his boss, but Kevin had never ogued before in his life

The ogre says yoghurt's in aisle 7

Derek just hoped he'd have time to remove all the make-up before his court appearance that afternoon for being drunk and disorderly

So that's where the vuvuzelas went...!

Bob would soon learn not to fall asleep in the stationery department with all those green marker pens around ...

"I’ll give you ‘Try something new today’ you fat-tongued little tw....."

The judges on Britain's Next Top Model really wanted to challenge the contestants on this week's photo-shoot...

At long last, the culprit responsible for writing signs such as "Carrot's 50p a pound" and "Pepper's 4 for a £1" was traced

I'm not the green grocer, actually.

We were supposed to be going green. Not what you meant?

I wasn't paying attention. I thought they wanted me to do some overtime!

Not only has he gone off his trolley, boss, he's gone a funny colour too.

The credit crunch hits Hollywood.

If Dreamworks did supermarkets ...

Viewers welcome the return to ITV of "Opportunity Knocks," starring Greeny Hue

Now, old folk are blaming me for these attacks in the Red Sea

Well I was going for an Incredible Hulk look, but frankly it's a bit chilly to be wandering about with mi shirt ...

The Grosser

So I promised my boss I'd bring a hankie with me tomorrow

"Mind your toes gingerbread man!"

12 pints, 5 whisky chasers, 6 shots, 1 Drambuie and a Creme de Menthe, that had been one hell of a staff party, but now he realised he was allegic to Menthe, whatever that was.

Mike Myers he wonders if he has become typecast when he is asked to play Wayne Rooney in a film called Wayne's World.

Button up your hi-vis vest Colin, there's a good chap, you know the rules on health and safety, be safe - be seen.

All his mates from Uni were down in London demonstrating, but he had to join Sainsbury's graduate program didn't he!

Sainsbury’s lifts ban on chavvy baby headbands.

North-facing employee succumbs to moss.

On close inspection, Sainsbury's claims to be a 'green' company prove as misleading as many of their 'special offers'.

Shrek wasn't best pleased when he got landed with the Donkey work

Ogre-worked and underpaid

Temporary Xmas worker for Sainsburys decided he would apply through a different employment agency next year. He just couldn't get used to the uniforms that Monster provided.

Having given up working on a bridge the Sainburys job was starting to take its toll....