±«Óãtv

The UK National Lottery will be paying out with cheques like this in future

I like it better read left to right

Gis the money!

Masks? It beats me why they'll be needing to claim benefits after this win.

Are these Arabic numerals I see?

Is there much point in wearing masks, if that's their names on the cheque?

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

At least they'll be able to give up their welder's jobs now

Actually, the masks have their names on them...

Shekels and hide

Matzo fast, dear, there's the taxes, then the get...

Of course no one we know will recognise your scarf or my tie!

Actually, the cheque has their name on it !!

and the "Welders of the Year" award goes to ...?

Money may not buy happiness, but it doesn't suck,

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto could finally give up crime fighting and open that little restaurant they'd always dreamed of.

Actually, tt was the only way we could figure out how to keep the money we found in that mattress.

Actually, it was the only way we could figure out how to keep the money we found in that mattress.
(correction)

The prize for 'best pillar box impression' was considerably higher than they had imagined...

Mum, mum!! After 4 years at drama school, and a bit of a wait, I’ve got a part!! I’m playing a lottery winner, I’ll let you know when its on..

We have some good news and some bad news. First, you've won £13 million but unfortunately the bank's just gone bust.

We didn't have to go through this rigmarole when the bank paid our bonus last year.

It's a massive payoff from the Kosher Nostra.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

The Speaker demonstrates how MPs will receive their claims.

"How much did we win again honey?"
"I don't know... I can't see!"

You've got to be in it to vin

Was winning a life changing event? Well, he never had to shave again.

Igis this was a good idea

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

Dale and Anthea reluctantly accepted the viewers' conditions as they returned to host the Saturday night draw.

After all, who wants to spend £13 million on plastic surgery?

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

If you've got a minute, there's a delegation from Greece who'd like to have a word about a possible loan.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

The live Election Debate series got off to a tentative start with nobody wanting to be seen to make the first mistake.

I hope they remembered to Zion it

Who wants to be Silly-on-air?

Altogether now: "If I were a rich man, tra la tralla lla la..."

How did I know ve'd von? Vell, she dropped her nail file.

One isn't entirely clear what one is supposed to do with one's polling card. Does one think it might have been delivered to one in error?

When the inevitable break up happened he walked into new life, while she walked into the door.

When they said it was a big cheque I thought they meant it was worth a lot

Oh. Not next to THAT Jordan?

Not quite the ad visors the lottery winners had anticipated.

Miriam: "Nick, I told you this was silly - no one will recognise you anyway."

Sadly the custom did not extend to election debates.

Camelot? Yes, you certainly could buy a lot of camels with this.

I said spend it on some jewelry. What did you do?

At last we can afford some clothes we're not ashamed to be seen in!

My Mum was a hat-maker, and now I'm a millioner too

Unfortunately Michael Fish was betrayed by his tie.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

The disguises worn by Gordon and Alistair ensured that no-one would be able to prove to whom Sir Alan was making his latest donation.

"The prize for best costume showed standards had been slipping at this years fancy dress competition"

It could be you. Or you. Or you. Or you. Or you. Or you....

Posh and Bex wished they hadn't ticked the 'no publicity' box

±«Óãtv Caption Competition editor hopes no-one notices that this is a story from last December (see date on cheque)

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

"Look. It's only a practice for tonight's televised debate. No-one actually cares that you don't look like the real candidates ..."

Now we're going to have to open an account at the West Bank.

Israeli husband and wife become first couple to sell their faces on the underground surgery market for the ugly.

After looking in the mirror, the recipients angrily demanded a refund!

And as the real winning couple remained tied up in the broom cupboard...

But they argue they are making their donation to the Labour Party in public.

Smile!

Evidence that non-doms making political donations were still avoiding detection.

So you want me to guess which one is John Simpson… I will go for the one in the hat.

Darling, I'm sure they said the ash wasn't going to be a health hazard?

No clues were given as to the identity of the winning couple, but they intended to spend their winnings at Ascot and doing up the Palace.

I told you it was worth wandering in the desert for 40 days and nights.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

Actually, we've given up poverty for Lent.

Never mind the value, feel the width.

"I sense a disturbance in the Schwartz"

The winners were announced only by their first names, Tony and Cherie.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

They were soon to discover that Haifa-Luton Airs did not necessarily involve Easyjet

Mossad agents win lottery !

Do I have a liver donor card? Why do you ask?

Should have gone to Specsavers.

Lady Gaga & friend win lottery

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

The prize for the National Ironman look-alike competition was very generous.

Bet we hear from your long lost cousins now.

Israeli lottery won by welder and his wife.

Darwin was determined not to make the same mistake twice.

Do you two have any ID?

Don't worry, after taxes, you'll get a few hundred pounds.

We've just come the Gladiator fancy dress ball.

We've just come from the Gladiator fancy dress ball.
(correction)

UK Post Office reveal daring new scheme for streamlining their operations by combining postboxes with delivery personnel.

Are you sure these are necessary to protect us from the flying champagne corks.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.