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What should you give the homeless instead of cash?

How Elton John plays Chopsticks?

Butlin's canteen?

Swiss Catering Army Knife?

Is there a Swiss Army Fork too?

But it's just a spoon for the beans

Is that a Wengner in your pocket or are you just please to see me?

What's the one things campers forget??

What do you use to eat minced meat?

Is that a Wengner in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

(correction)

What's the ideal birthday present for Sir Ranulph Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes?

For when your love of food is intents?

Fork it over?

And there's even a device for getting olive stones out of horses' teeth

Where did the best silver disappear to at your sons last scout Jamboree?

For eating After Dinner Mince?

Getting to the bottom of the ruck sack?

According to leaked ministerial documents, troops deployed to Afghanistan will be regarded as "properly equipped" if they are supplied with what?

What do a tent peg and the top of a tin of beans constitute?

"And I think you'll like this little gadget, 007," said Q. "The fork easily and quickly converts into a little spoon as well."

What is a tin-opener and a scout's finger?

How would you describe a mobile phone with a memory full of take-away restaurant numbers?

What did Kenneth Williams introduce at the Around the Horn celebration dinner?

What was voted most coveted office possession?

The spork?

Suspected terrorist at CERN arrested for planning to sabotage the hadron-collider with what?

You call that a knife? Now this is a knife...

Likely not on the list of wedding presents requested by Lord Freddie Windsor?

What will now be allowed on MP’s expense claims, following the 'second homes' scandal?

How to make a big splash at airport security?

Aqualungs, fireworks, chainsaws, christmas crackers. What else can't I carry on to my Ryanair flight?

What item does Michael Winner not know exists?

What do you mean "I can't bring my fork'n knife to school."?

What really made the British Empire so successful?

Robbie Coltrane always carries what, in case of emergencies?

What shouldn't you bring to a knife fight?

Tramps in Chelsea stand out from the usual because of what?

How did a furious Martina Hingis describe Matthew's choreography after they were the first pair voted off Strictly?

What did Oates really go outside to look for in the Antarctic?

What can a shell be used for on a desert island?

In the hands of Chuck Norris, what can cause more damage than a Tomahawk Land Attack Missile?

007 knew Q was running out of ideas, after being sent on his latest mission to Russia with only what?

What's always short of a fish fork?

A young boy got suspended from school and put on a special program for taking what to eat his lunch with?

What do squeamish self harmers use?

Was it the candlestick, the dagger, the rope or the....

After his recent FAIL whilst juggling a knife and fork, Guy Ritchie has decided to open a Gay Bar, what should it be called?

What was Guy Ritchie supposed to have been juggling with when he got a black eye?

The sharing of what was cited in Peter Andre's divorce complaint?

At the Cannes film festival, the new supplier of the prizes made what mistake?

Which instruments can Girls Aloud play?

As part of his misspent youth, with what did Ray Mears once attempt to hold up the Nottingham branch of Millets?

The rebranding of plastic utensils as what failed to impress Earth Day picnic goers?

An MoD spokesman blamed a clerical error when instead of the L1A1 12.7 mm (.50) Heavy Machine Gun (HMG), a £5 million order was placed for what?

Who were the holidaying plates hoping to avoid?

What happens on Gay Fork's night?

What’s a bad thing to get out at a posh restaurant on a first date?

Oh look, they have introduced a new game type on COD4. You have to grab the cutlery and run to the can of beans. What does everyone always do??

What will Michael Owen definitely need this summer?

what is Ray Mears a secret collector of?

After the take over of ING by Gay Bank - what gifts are sent to corporate customers?

What did Keith Floyd bequeath to Jamie Oliver?

What do safari park monkeys eat with when the punters have gone home?

After MP is found claiming second home allowance for a tent in Hyde Park , what item on his expenses is disallowed?

Not the butchest fork in the box - what am i?

What's a good thing to take along with a takeaway menu for a stay in an NHS hospital?

What are the best tools for re-tuning a Freeview Box?

3 across: artifcially banal forks used intently

What Cant Lice Grumpy, the moody old git, do without when feasting in his tent?

3 across: artificially banal forks used intently!(7,7)

What did Dyslexics Unite write on their protest banners in their campaign against poor quality cutlery?

The steelworks at Cam Ping in a small industrialised town 40 miles east of Beijing specialises in the manufacture of robust stainless steel cutlery. It carries a trademark which is most misleading to outdoor types. What is that trademark?

An 6-year old in America was suspended for bringing what to school?

What's the last thing I'm going to use to eat my lunch while camping?

If you are like, camping, Whatever!! what kind of like forks n stuff like would you like need if ur a complete loser like?

This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.

What's the must have gift at a gay wedding?

What did E.J.give his boyfriend for Xmas?

Which essential piece of India's space probe fell off during re-entry

What do you get free with every pink sleeping bag and pink tent sold today?

Professor Plum, in the Algavre, with the......

Which essential piece of the USA space shuttle fell of during take off!

What was the name of the horse that won the 2.30 at Haydock owned by Julian Clarey???

A fitting epitaph for Uri Geller's lifetime achievements could be.....

The absence of what in the archaeological record, has led Richard Dawkins to conclude that early man was not at one with nature, and spent most his spare time on DIY projects around the cave.

What Kettering_Jeremy deserves for stealing my questions

What was Mark Oaten MP caught with on entering the House of Commons and did he expense it?

ouch!

The Health & Saftey executive have made a recomendation to the Queen that in future she use what, instead of a sword when bestowing knighthoods?

The Full Monty II: The Stainless Steel Factory re-opens

What did a pupil bring to school that resulted in his exclusion for 3 days?

What do effeminate men eat with ?

The original cottage industry?

What was the only thing found in Jacqui Smith's home that she hadn't claimed on expenses?

What is the last thing you'd be thinking about if you caught your wife in bed with another man?

Pitched forks?

Apart from a reflective triangle and a high visibility vest, what else do the French expect you to have in your car in the event of a breakdown?

bivouac silverware perhaps?

What would a fencing duel between Julian Clarey and Dale Winton be described as?

Oh for FORK sake, wheres my tent?