±«Óãtv

We really should have gotten a professional wedding photographer.

The race to succeed Gorden Brown really hots up.

After talks over wages break down, there is a mass break-out from Disneyworld

It's that damned squirrel again, popping up to ruin my big finish photo!

Darwin for Dummies

Bee David Cameron was well out in front, but Boris Bear wasn't giving up so easily

With an eye to political bias the ±«Óãtv would like to point out that silly politicians come in a variety of colours and parties.

Unfortunately the pantomime horse had become separated after fifty yards

Manchester United's Fred the Red won in the 123rd minute of extra time.

It's not exactly Royal Mascot, is it?

Unfortunately, the Dalek fell at the first hurdle

"I hope that this isn't a political gimmick. Oh, it's OUR mascot is it?"

If Roger Waters was on the 2012 olympic committee

Wacky Races

The Olympic obligatory drug test after the 10,000 metres steeplechase showed that most of the spectators were positive for LSD.

Playstations new realistic graphics didnt add anything to the gaming experience.

Splitting Image

When the picket line at Disney turns nasty!

Climate chnage was ruining the hibernation instincts of many animals.

Isn't it amazing, the way they get the horses to dress up like that?

Referees for future Man Utd games get some fitness training

Sacha Baron Cohen wins one for the Gipper

The ±«Óãtv's political allegories were getting more obscure each year

Another example of the chaos that can be caused by a simple shout of "Free Beer!"

And it's going to Bee a close one

So, that's how the current political situation works. Now let's consider proportional representation ...

No guv, you said the fence was to be 6", definitely not 6'.

But Paula Radcliffe had been unable to appear, so there was no water jump

Wearing iPod headphones whilst running was not such a good idea, thought the bee

Chariots of Attire

Unfortunately the winner was disqualified for testing positive for Royal Jelly.

The recession had forced Delia to make her own costume for the Norwich City mascot.

Of course, Ipswich Town Football Club won, as their mascot IS a horse

"I said "'Ave It" protests John Smiths advertising director, not "A Vet"

As they watched the athletes approaching the finish line, the IOC officials realised that, compared to this, Caster Semenya was a straightforward case

The participants were soon to find that the "John Smith" fence was nothing compared to the upcoming "Young Man from Nantucket" fence.

Derek Wilson, who came in last, was sold off to a glue factory

Ridley Scott's Robin Hood prequel would prove a shock for many

But the race was won by a donkey who ran the Four-Minute Mule

Quick! make sure that the dog doesn't come last else it'll be classed as 'Hunting'

I may have lost my other half, thought the horse, but at least I'm ahead of that damn Princess Leia

No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Horses for courses, and mascots for Ascot

As the bookies paid out, the winning mascot denied any involvement in a sting.

It's a pointless-to-pointless race

With two furlongs to go Benny-Bee looked to have it in the bag until team priciple Flavio Briatore got on the radio and ordered him to take a dive.

"And their off on the opening race of London's 2012 Olympics....."

Globalization of Teddy Bear's Picnic

"No need to sprint" thought the creature in second. "I could win at hedgehogging pace"

If you thought stuffed animals were scary...

But which one is Joleon?

"I certainly was in the race!" cried the Ram

Chariots Of Fire remake to star Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens.

Bitter rivalry

Luckily, the bee was wearing go-faster stripes

This race prompted new calls for a ban on performance-enhancing Bugs.

England Vs Ukraine Bolt

As everyone expected, the race was won by Lester Pig

However, the bee was later disqualified when it was found there was a horse inside

Guys, you seem keen, you couldn't just deal with this sack of letters, could you?

OK, who chose a snake as our team mascot?

Cat Deeley "so pleased to be back home with this wonderful new presenting opportunity"

When it was announced that first prize was a date with Jessica Simpson, all hell broke loose

OK, who left the gate open at the zoo?

Despite the mask, Bart Simpson would never live down being beaten by Bumblebee man

While there was always a buzz about the winner, they all turned out to be quite a bunch of characters once they'd got over the bitterness. Sorry.

The LSD hadn't cured his insomnia, but Norman was enjoying the experience of counting sheep jumping over a fence a lot more than usual.

The only event in which all the competitors are put down before, during and after it

Unfortunately they were all beaten by two gorillas reading the Financial Times, so Arsenal eventually do have a trophy for their cabinet.

...however, in the the spirit of fairness the judges conceded that everyone was a loser here

The pig sneezed, RUN!!

So mummy, you've told me about the birds and bees, does the winner get the baby?

The winner made a beeline to the finish, and beat the hedgehog by a spike. The Chicken was later found crossing a nearby road.

As he woke up in a cold sweat, Ricky Gervais suddenly had a thought - why not turn his nightmares into a series of books and make some money?

Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR DIGNITY!

"What do you mean there's a giant hedgehog behind me?"

"This one's for Velvet Brown!" cried the bee

You said if I let you win,you'd wipe that stupid grin off your stupid face!

Well, you see, Dr. Weinstien, first it was just sheep I was counting, but now ...

The Bee was the hot favourite. He was also very sweaty.

Well doctor, it started with running in gorilla suits, but then I went hard core.

New wildlife reserve discovered on the river Trent

And as the bee surged to victory the crowd chanted "Run, Florist, Run!"

2nd Battalion had been working hard on their leave of duty, but only managed to obtain meagre protection for their return.

Chariots of Fur

There was uproar until Anton explained that he'd said the chicken looked "pecky".

Seb Coe demonstrates he's still got it.

The staff sports day at Sellafield was always a colourful affair.

Of course we're off. Would you want to live in a zoo run by Anna Ryder Richardson?

Rumour was with all the wet weather another Ark was being built

Wii Wars

The loneliness of the long distance pillock.

After sampling the sponsors wares, the run for the loo turned into a stampede.

Particle acceleration for dummies

It was the ±«Óãtv management's family day but it wasn't fancy dress.

Nintendo's Sonic and Mario game design conferences are always fun.

The pig wasn't worried. He knew Alesha would give him extra points for wearing pink.

British Government "bemused" by Carla Bruni's portrayal of them

Wardrobe malfunction