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Punorama results

12:45 UK time, Wednesday, 28 February 2007

blair.203.jpg

It's time for the winning entries in Punorama.

As ever, we gave you a story and you sent us punning headlines.

This week it was reports that waiters at the House of Commons have been ordered to be nicer to MPs. Staff must greet each one by name and hold eye contact while taking their order.

They must also praise members on their menu choice and smile as they serve their subsidised refreshments.

House of Common Courtesy was popular and sent in by Tim Knott, Candace, Craig Wall and Johnny Lyttle. Murray Milne had a slight variation on the theme with Commons Curtsies .

Mind your peas and queues from Dan the man and No more HP Sass from Tim Francis-Wright certainly whet the appetite nicely for more puns.

Running with the political theme were Helene Parry with Tact of Parliament , Sean Smith with House of Lauds, Stuart with Ministry of Deference and Simon Rooke Civil subservients.

We end with the cheeky Poor bar-stewards from Jel and Would you like to see the whine list sir? from Stella.

Bravo and thanks to all who entered. See comments below for those who didn't quite make the grade.


Comments

  1. At 02:26 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Gareth Jones wrote:

    MP gestures

  2. At 02:34 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Robin, Edinburgh wrote:

    Civil service

  3. At 02:40 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Anne wrote:

    Oh waiter! Beautiful fawning!!

  4. At 02:43 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Darren wrote:

    Civil Servants

  5. At 02:45 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Alex Pelopidas wrote:

    Members of Compli-ment

  6. At 02:47 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Graz wrote:

    Silver tongued service.

  7. At 02:50 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Rob Falconer wrote:

    Menu Dish upon a Star

  8. At 02:50 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Craig Wall wrote:

    Mind your MPs and Qs

  9. At 02:51 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Sparky wrote:

    Tony's toast (hopefully!)

  10. At 02:52 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Rob Falconer wrote:

    Congratulationary toast

  11. At 02:53 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Darren wrote:

    Civil Servants

  12. At 02:56 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Rob Falconer wrote:

    Steak, Sir? Well done!

  13. At 02:57 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Lee Pike wrote:

    Order! Order! (please)

  14. At 02:59 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Brian Saxby wrote:

    Cordon Blair

  15. At 03:00 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Bruce wrote:

    Pies off, Mr Blair

  16. At 03:03 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Rob Falconer wrote:

    Transports (of delight) caff

  17. At 03:04 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Rob Falconer wrote:

    H.P. Sauce

  18. At 03:05 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Colin wrote:

    "Your Crackers, Mr Blair"

    or

    "Your Nuts, Mr Blair"

    or even

    "Your Bananas, Mr Blair"

  19. At 03:06 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Mike Grimes wrote:

    Meat and greet.

  20. At 03:09 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Boris wrote:

    *flattery not included

  21. At 03:14 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:

    Tuxedo Unction.

  22. At 03:14 PM on 27 Feb 2007, tim mcmahon wrote:


    1) Sucking up to the Boss?
    2)So much for human rights ?
    3)"Little Britain" was spot on !
    4)Self praise is no recommendation.

  23. At 03:15 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Mike wrote:

    "Waiters, - be nice to MPs! - watch out journalists next....!"

  24. At 03:16 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    A Civil Service Charge

  25. At 03:19 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Candace wrote:

    Are you being deserved?

  26. At 03:19 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:

    Wot a Waiter Carry On!

  27. At 03:20 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Rob Powell wrote:

    LiberTea and Sympathy

  28. At 03:21 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:

    House My Waiting? Ring 0800...

  29. At 03:21 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:

    Glad Café

  30. At 03:24 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:

    Silver (Tongued) Service

  31. At 03:25 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:

    You'd Manuel Better Improve

  32. At 03:26 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:

    In Stitches We Serve

  33. At 03:26 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Kip wrote:

    Waiter go!

  34. At 03:28 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:

    To Serve Them All My Gaze.

  35. At 03:31 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Lee Pike wrote:

    Maitre MP

  36. At 03:32 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:

    Appeals to their Coq Au Vanity

  37. At 03:32 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Candace wrote:

    Wait, wait, don't swell me

  38. At 03:37 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:

    Civil Service

  39. At 03:37 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    Cabinet pudding on the style

  40. At 03:42 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Dylan Richards wrote:

    Sycophancy or Psycho-fancy?

  41. At 03:42 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Candace wrote:

    L's kitchen no more, it's simply 'affable

  42. At 03:42 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Nigel Macarthur wrote:

    House rules, okay?

  43. At 03:47 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Candace wrote:

    Reprised wait naff

  44. At 03:50 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    And today's special, toadying in the hall

  45. At 03:50 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Candace wrote:

    Side kitsch revised

  46. At 03:52 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    Lackey of decorum

  47. At 03:53 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Alan Shaw wrote:

    Hash, followed by fudge and waffle? Excellent choice, minister.

  48. At 03:54 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:

    More crumpet Mr Prescott?

  49. At 03:54 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Lee Pike wrote:

    Maitre MP'

  50. At 04:00 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Douglas Lee wrote:

    Humble pie, Mr Blair? An excellent choice.

  51. At 04:02 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    Loves Tory

  52. At 04:03 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Mark wrote:

    Commons Politeness

  53. At 04:12 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Anne wrote:

    Oh waiter! Beautiful fawning!!

  54. At 04:16 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Steve Hickman wrote:

    Would sir care for the pâté de faux grâce?

  55. At 04:18 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Kip wrote:

    très poli
    or
    tray poli

  56. At 04:38 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Caroline, Southend, UK wrote:

    Mate-re' D

  57. At 04:42 PM on 27 Feb 2007, gaynor wrote:

    No Tony, Gordon said "the toast" not tea and toast. tisk tisk

  58. At 04:52 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Sarah Sketchley wrote:

    "Toast, Prime Minister? Perfect choice when you've had your chips."

  59. At 05:08 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    It's Blair, twitch

  60. At 05:55 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Muhammad Isa wrote:

    No more "Order, order!"

  61. At 06:03 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Brian Ritchie wrote:

    Hors d'Oeuvres! Hors d'Oeuvres in the House!

  62. At 06:07 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Niall Nugent wrote:

    Ten Frowning Street

  63. At 06:10 PM on 27 Feb 2007, robin hughes wrote:

    Fine'n fair for the Commons man!

  64. At 06:17 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Candace wrote:

    To connect and serve

  65. At 06:19 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Helene Parry wrote:

    Have a nice Dave

  66. At 06:19 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Kip wrote:

    The Butler Report

  67. At 06:21 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    Crass for honours

  68. At 06:27 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    It's Blair, twitch

  69. At 06:29 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Kip wrote:

    Just call me Darling.

  70. At 06:30 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Mark Esdale wrote:

    Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth

  71. At 06:31 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Kevin - Glasgow wrote:

    Civil Servants

  72. At 06:34 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Leana Phillips wrote:

    UnCommon service

  73. At 06:35 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    Mister Brown knows

  74. At 06:35 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Kip wrote:

    Just call me Darling.

  75. At 06:37 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    Toady in Parliament

  76. At 06:38 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    Valet of the fools

    Pearls before wine

  77. At 06:46 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Helene Parry wrote:

    Obsequity of State

  78. At 06:47 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Offshore Alan wrote:

    Man bites dog's dinner

  79. At 07:23 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Pix6 wrote:

    "And would you like votes with that?"

    [I know it's not a pun, but anyway]

  80. At 07:30 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Tony Doyle wrote:

    HP staff browned off

  81. At 07:32 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Nick Jones wrote:

    Do you want ayes with that?

  82. At 07:56 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Mike Monk wrote:

    "cheery pie"

  83. At 08:04 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Mike Monk wrote:

    This Greens and pleasant land

  84. At 08:05 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Mike Monk wrote:

    "Oh Peers, what can the maître d' ?"

  85. At 08:13 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Helene Parry wrote:

    Obsequity of State

  86. At 08:14 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Charles, USA wrote:

    "Blair's Toast - Care to comment!"

  87. At 08:19 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Helene Parry wrote:

    Oily Jeeves in Da House

  88. At 08:20 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Jake Perks wrote:

    May I take your ORDER! ORDER!

  89. At 08:21 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Helene Parry wrote:

    Alex, salmon?

  90. At 08:26 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Helene Parry wrote:

    Martin, my Guinness?

  91. At 08:28 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Stig wrote:

    Know your plaice
    or
    Know your plaice from your Salmond

  92. At 08:30 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Helene Parry wrote:

    May I take your Order, order?

  93. At 08:38 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Helene Parry wrote:

    Tact of Parliament

  94. At 08:41 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Stig wrote:

    Order! Order! Order order..

  95. At 08:43 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Helene Parry wrote:

    Let's fawn, a Government

  96. At 08:52 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Stig wrote:

    HP Sauce

  97. At 08:54 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Stig wrote:

    Would you like eyes with that Minister?

  98. At 09:09 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Phil, Cardiff wrote:

    Would you like lies with that?

  99. At 09:12 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Phil, Cardiff wrote:

    Yo! Blair! Sushi?

  100. At 09:26 PM on 27 Feb 2007, norm brown wrote:

    Table d'vote.

  101. At 09:44 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Candace wrote:

    Gurning down the house

  102. At 10:27 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Pat McGarry wrote:

    Minions of Politeness

  103. At 10:55 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Stig wrote:

    The eyes have it, the eyes have it..

  104. At 11:38 PM on 27 Feb 2007, Offshore Alan wrote:

    Brown toast's Blair's New Labour smile

  105. At 11:44 PM on 27 Feb 2007, James Robinson wrote:

    Tony Stare, Bon Ave-a-peek, The Blair Rich-Tea Project.

  106. At 12:24 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Kate Lilley wrote:

    Gordon's Bitchin' Eyestares

  107. At 12:28 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Anna Lilley wrote:

    Waiter, happy in my soup?

  108. At 12:47 AM on 28 Feb 2007, tom wrote:

    Tea-toastal

  109. At 03:41 AM on 28 Feb 2007, steve wrote:

    Have a nice day Mr. Blair... oh and by the way, I dropped that bit of toast.

  110. At 03:59 AM on 28 Feb 2007, O.G.Nash wrote:

    "Waiter go, Sir!"

  111. At 07:12 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    Department of waves and miens

  112. At 07:17 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    Brownian motion of confidence

  113. At 07:20 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    The promotion of confidence

  114. At 07:25 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Simon Rooke wrote:

    Brownie points of order

  115. At 08:03 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Chris Jones wrote:

    mmm...peas

  116. At 08:24 AM on 28 Feb 2007, norm brown wrote:

    " Pollie want a cracker,Sir ?

  117. At 08:31 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Carol Harrop wrote:

    Tone up - no way!

  118. At 08:46 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Caroline, Southend, UK wrote:

    Mate-re D'

  119. At 08:50 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Peter Forrester wrote:

    Just desserts for MPs?

  120. At 09:34 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:

    Thatcher'll do nicely Sir

  121. At 09:36 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Gareth Jones, Isle of Anglesey wrote:

    Oh Yes! Minister.

  122. At 09:42 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Gareth Jones wrote:

    Order of merit

  123. At 09:44 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Alan wrote:

    Hmm and then perhaps spoon feed them as well.

  124. At 09:45 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Daniel wrote:

    MP free tea glee plea

  125. At 10:04 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Niall Nugent wrote:

    Ten Frowning Street

  126. At 10:11 AM on 28 Feb 2007, liz Whelan wrote:

    Nice Buns Mr Blair

  127. At 10:24 AM on 28 Feb 2007, andrew wilde wrote:

    cheese on toast!

  128. At 10:28 AM on 28 Feb 2007, andrew wilde wrote:

    staff applaud tony's PM-Tea

    or

    cheese on toast

  129. At 10:33 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Kip wrote:

    Kindly wait

  130. At 10:38 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Helene Parry wrote:

    Eric, pickles?

  131. At 10:41 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Helene Parry wrote:

    We shall fete them on the peaches

  132. At 11:07 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Kip wrote:

    Why are we waiting?

  133. At 11:33 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Tim Knott wrote:

    House of Common Courtesy

  134. At 11:35 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Adam Pett wrote:

    Super Glue NOW off the menu!

  135. At 11:36 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Don Logan wrote:

    Gordon Brown-nosers

  136. At 11:39 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Douglas Lee wrote:

    Waiters of master toadying

  137. At 11:40 AM on 28 Feb 2007, Tim Knott wrote:

    Mission MPossible

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