Every parent wants to do the best for their kids but sometimes this can put us under lots of unnecessary pressure.
This mum and dad guilt has been made worse thanks to endless social media posts of other people âwinningâ at parenthood. Which means itâs never been more important to cut yourself some slack.
Parenting author and mum-of-four Sarah Ockwell-Smith says: âNobodyâs perfect⊠especially me and Iâm a parenting expert!â
Here Sarah shares some easy ways to bust the perfect parent myth and instead concentrate on being good enough.
1. Use the 70/30 rule
Itâs impossible to be a perfect mum or dad. Instead, Sarah says simply aim to be a âgood enoughâ parent 70% of the time. âIf youâre always perfect, thatâs a really unrealistic role model for your kids. Theyâll never learn how to make mistakes or know how to apologise. Instead, aim to get things right 70% of the time and try not to worry about the other 30%."
The most important thing is when you do mess up, use that as a lesson for your kids showing them how to cope with getting things wrong and how to say sorry.
2. Get back to basics
Your little one has a very short attention span. So donât stress yourself out trying to set up complicated activities.
âI often hear from parents who get irritated when their child isnât interested in a craft activity theyâve spent ages preparing," says Sarah.
Try not to overthink activities or spend too long prepping them. "They will get much more enjoyment from doing simple, everyday things with you like helping you tidy up or make dinner.â
3. Click âunfollowâ
Tech is useful for parents, but air-brushed images of family life on social media are not.
âNobody is as perfect as theyâd have you believe on Instagram or Facebook," says Sarah. âItâs all perfectly curated images. Even people you think are inspiring on social media can be quite damaging."
If you start questioning yourself or second guessing yourself as a parent then unfollow or mute them and find someone more realistic to follow.
4. Have a chat
You donât have to spend money on toys to keep your child happy. Instead, Sarah says a cuddle on the sofa, looking at a book or just chatting to your little one is what they really want.
âEven if your baby or toddler is too little to answer you, that doesnât mean you canât chat to them.â
She suggests watching what they are doing and then helping put their feelings into words. For example, if your little one giggles when you sing a nursery rhyme you could say, 'you really like that song donât you!'. This is called mind-minded parenting, when you realise that your child has independent thoughts and feelings.â
5. Take things with a pinch of salt
Itâs not just on social media that people pretend to be perfect.
âA lot of parents arenât honest and when you chat to them, will make things sound better for whatever reason," says Sarah.
âSo try not to compare yourself to other parents. If someone is saying their child sleeps through the night â and yours doesnât â remember what they are saying might not be true. I wouldnât get involved in those conversations. Just nod and move on!â
6. Be kind to yourself
Taking time out for you is really important but make sure this doesn't become another âperfect parent pressureâ says Sarah.
âYou can feel youâre missing out if you havenât taken up a new hobby or done some exercise," she says. âDonât put that pressure on yourself. Instead, just be kind to yourself and lower your expectations. Remember: no one is perfect!â
Sarah is a parenting expert and author of books including The Gentle Parenting Book.
