In these times of heightened security and anxiety to match (current official threat level: "Yikes") there are some things that cheer.
There was an incident - it passed of peacefully - at Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport this morning. Speaking on behalf of the airport is someone called Mirjam Snoerwang.
Jump to more content from this blog
PM The evening news and current affairs programme presented by Eddie Mair.
iPM The programme that starts with its listeners. Join the discussions online and contribute ideas for a weekly programme presented by Eddie Mair and Jennifer Tracey.
Read the final report of the PM Privacy Commission.
Meet the commissioners, view the terms of reference and hear the Commission Chair Sir Michael Lyons explain his approach.
±«Óătv © 2014 The ±«Óătv is not responsible for the content of external sites. Read more.
This page is best viewed in an up-to-date web browser with style sheets (CSS) enabled. While you will be able to view the content of this page in your current browser, you will not be able to get the full visual experience. Please consider upgrading your browser software or enabling style sheets (CSS) if you are able to do so.
RSS feed
Email us
Listen to PM
Is "Yikes" very high?
Just above "Oh 'eck" I think you'll find.
Presumably "Yikes" is a lower threat level than "New trousers please!"
Thanks for that, I was wondering whether I should be getting worried and heading for the hills again...
I thought Yikes was one step below aggrieved mumbling....
I fear this may become a new swear word, given it follows on from "Balls" and "Crap" in the run of titles.
Oh and Messers Mair & Muir, who isn't appearing on the show tonight?
...and where exactly does "Zoiks" fit into the Official Threat Level......?
I think, Fearless Fred, you have your threat level list upside down, Yikes is clearly above aggrieved mumbling and below new trousers please.
But I think Eddie got it wrong, I thought that we were past even new trousers please and into sit in the corner rocking whilst gasping “we’re all doomed” in a Fraser-esk fashion. At least that is what I though John Reid said.
Quite the opposite end of the scale to 'Tally ho!'.
Mirjam Snoerwang? Eddie, I wait, with bated breath, to hear you pronounce this on tonight's programme ...
You are, of course, right, Andy. I had my list reversed. Oh for those happy days gone by when the threat level was mildly peeved....
Translated to the US system the threat level is equivalent to "Chartreuse." I think.
Isn't Chartreuse a place in France?
We all know how the Americans feel about the French...
As a Dutchman I want to explain that the surname 'Snoerwang' is just as funny and strange to me as it'll look and sound to you. Literally it means something like 'cord cheek'?! But perhaps the name isn't originally Dutch, but German or Danish. You pronounce it 'snoorvung'. Cheers!
Tom Cruise apparently, won't be on the show tonight.
Did Mirjam Snoerwang write the email today - or am I the only one that cares that "passed of peacefully" doesn't make sense?
Btw DOES anyone know if Joan Bakewell is one of the Crap-ers, or should I post that back in the other thread?
captain Snort is to appear on tonight's show - he'll be interviewed live from Pippin Fort on the continuing terrorist threat posed by Mrs Honeyman in trumpton....
...Oh dear, I've one of my headaches coming on again.......MOTHER!
If anyone is familiar with the actual names of the threat levels, "Yikes" seems just as sensible. For instance the MOD has a threat level called "Bikini Black" and this I believe is quite high up on the 'oh my God we are all going to die' scale. Apparently...
I'm glad Eddie is cheered by the prospect of talking with Ms Snoerwang; her English is sure to be better than his Dutch. Let's hope Eddie doesn't need to mention Scheveningen.
Is it any surprise that the Dutch succeeded in selling us Big Brother?
Tune in at six for all the news on PM.
Bikini Black is the lowest.
I'll not post them all here as I can't remember if that particular list is officially public knowledge. or not.
Tim.C
At the risk of further censorship, this is Black Bikini :
... don't expect this post to survive - read it quick!
"it passed of peacefully" - I think you mean "off". I know it doesn't matter on radio, but what hope for the nation if the mighty ±«Óătv can't get it right online?
Just to spoil the suprise Dutch F-16s escorted a Northwest Airlines flight bound for India back to Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport on Wednesday, and authorities detained several passengers for questioning" is what you will hear from Ms. Mirjam Snoerwang.
Actually, Tobias, on MoD sites, all the threat levels are referred to by a Bikini code. Black is fairly tame. Usually you'll see MoD sites on Black Special. I've never seen a site on White... You can find details on the various levels on Wiki:
I must admit, for years I wondered why they called it Bikini. The idea of all those squaddies in swimwear doesn't bear thinking about, does it!
Yikes
andycragg - that's certainly what we all wanted it to mean !!
Those were the days.
I've been trying to remember, but I'm not sure if it was that actual list/system that we weren't supposed to talk about or just which level was currently in force. I just remember it was one on the things not to talk about down the pub.
I do remember that it was set specifically for the circumstances - ie for one location and the people who worked/visited the site - not a general cover all level.
These new levels seem to be being used more generally - but is the threat level really the same in a field in Scotland as in the lobby of a London airport.
Or is it just our London biased media making it sound like that.
Or maybe I wasn't listening properly ;-)
Tim.C
ps Schiphol Airport is my favourite of all the ones I've been to (not many, I'll admit)
I think, officially, it's "oh eck".
According to the MI5 website the current threat level is "Severe". Is this different to Bikini Black? Does every government department have its own threat levels? When is it time to start hiding under the table?
I did hunt around for a while Andy but couldn't find any reference to the codes but thanks for that. My point remains, 'Yikes' is descriptive but not in an offensive, 'eugh' way. I was on an MOD site a year ago. My memory is somewhat hazy.
I never really trust wiki.
Simon, don't worry about hiding under the table, lean a mattress against the wll, hide in the cupboard under the stairs and that should withstand a nuclear explosion. Tut tut, under the table indeed, where is that going to get you?
;)
I'll come out then.
I have been getting some funny looks in the office.
Anyone got a mattress I could borrow?
Tobias - your memory is going hazy. You need to lean a solid door against the wall first, then lean the mattress against that.
A don't forget to store two weeks of food in there !
Tim.C
(My youth club still don't really believe that we were taught at school how to build nuclear shelters!)
* At 01:30 PM on 23 Aug 2006,
* andycragg wrote:
At the risk of further censorship, this is Black Bikini :
How did you do that? (I think I've just worked it out)
xx
ed
Why no mention of the "Breaking Moos" ... not all cows speak ±«Óătv English according to Dorset farmers!
I think the generally used scale, working upwards to higher threat levels, is something like:
Everything OK
Oh
Oh eck
Yikes
Bloody hell
Oh Sh*t
"New trousers please!", "aggrieved mumbling" and "zoiks" were all on the old scale. I openly admit that I do not understand how changing the colour of your bikini affects the threat level.
And Tobias is right about the table. Completely useless as a response to national security issues. It remains, though, the approved response to gurblars breaking into you house.
At the risk of further censorship, this is a second attempt :
OK, what on earth is going on with the lists of coments? Surely I'm not the only one who is experiencing comments appearing and then disappearing? I know a couple of people were discussing censorship earlier in the day, but this looks more like a technical issue to me. I did appeal to Lissa in a post on "crap" earlier so perhaps I should make my way over there to see if she replied. I'm using the latest Firefox browser, if that helps somebody in the know to make sense of what's going on.
Tim C. Yes I would not survive such a cataclysmic event with a method such as mine. SimonP, pay no attention to what I said, Tim has me bang to rights. Meanwhile, I suggest you get back under that table, unless you have already loosened a door that is. Oh and located a mattress. Your colleagues may scoff but they will not be around to pour scorn on you and your highly effective 'shelter'.
Tim C
If you learnt about nuclear shelters at school, you are clearly far too old to be going to a youth club.
Anyway, haven't you forgotten the paper bag over your head?
Ed, perhaps that would have been more impressive if the link had worked...
±«Óătv
...for example.
Quoted from the newsletter ('PM lite' as I like refer to it)
"there are developments in the case of the Cheadle Hulme murders. We'll look too at the hospital where the number of childbirth related deaths was more than six times the national average."
Are these deaths related then or am I misreading this?
ROFL*
The youth club in question is one I help run - I am, as you guess, far too old to to count as yoof.
As for the paper bag - my wife still insists on that - though I'm not sure whether I believe it's really in case of nuclear attack.
Tim.C
* Is my use of 'ROFL' here going to cause another strange discussion, I wonder?
* At 02:33 PM on 23 Aug 2006,
* John H. wrote:
Ed, perhaps that would have been more impressive if the link had worked...
...for example.
xx
ed
I've been informed that calling it 'PM lite' does not make it any less damaging to ones health. I am now forced to rebrand it back to 'PM'.
Sorrt, forgot to add.
The page of comments here will be dynamically generated from some form of database.
Basically, that means that if the page loading is interupted or stops for some reason you'll only get some of the posts.
This has happened for me a few times, however a quick refresh/reload gets all the posts back.
Tim.C
Disclaimer: All the above is assumed from the evidence as an outside observer - I'm in no way involved in the system, and I don't even know what system it is or if it is a ±«Óătv bespoke system.
Wasn't the door and mattress thing in a Raymond Briggs film? Old couple follow instructions re table and mattress but then come out too soon and die from radiation sickness...
Or did I imagine all of that?
SimonP 'When the Wind Blows'
The characters face slowly drops off from the radiation poisoning. He was just glad to be alive though.
ROFL
Presumably not a confused Australian, but akin to LMAO, but more polite.
Let see how far this gets before someone asks.
Tim C. thanks for that. It really doesn't matter if your theory about the workings of the list is right or not. It sounds entirely plausible and so will do for me and I shall now stop worrying about it.
Ed. (43) - sorry, that did sound a bit pompous. However, I still can't follow your link. 2 possibilities occur to me: 1. hilarious intentional failure of the link and sufficient content is held in the file name "biff.jpg" to make this possible or 2. for some reason, I personally cannot access your server, but otherwise it's fine.
Right.
We now have:
a "balls" thread;
a "crap" thread;
and now a "Snoerwang" ('cord cheek') thread.
or cord.
Realising this doesn't make me feel any better.
In fact I now feel a bit grubby.
oh god.
I made an I.T. joke.
and worse than that - I got it wrong. And as you'd assume, I got it wrong technically.
Yep. This is a blog and I made reference to "threads" which appear on discussion boards.
I'll probably be chided before I can even type this retraction. God.
y'know, it wasn't even that funny. Would I have got away with it if I'd said it in a brummie accent..? or was that yesterday's blog..? or thread..?
Let's just hope that Eric doesn't do a piece on Sir Richard Attenborough tomorrow.
andycrabb, I don't like the idea of an encrusted bikini. Not atoll.
How long has she been back from her hols? Surely it's time to wash it now?
It's not Monica L's bikini, is it???
Wish I could stop worrying about it John H! Where do lost posts go?
I do think the most difficult part is keeping track of which thread is which. However it's yet another good way of avoiding sudoku yet still keeping the brain exercised... I hate sudoku with a vengeance.
Valery, I believe lost posts go to live on a farm in Wales. It's really the very best thing for them.
Frances O (53) - no, no, no! Wrong. On every level.
So, let's get this right, don't you get threads within blogs? what are they called then?
PS Why not Sir R A then? I'm losing the place......
or is it soduko?
It's just occurred to me that Valery left crap (oh, ...) to go and live outside "Blogworld" and got as far as here. Never mind the Newsletter, I think this thing should come with a health warning.
The irony of it all....
"Threads" being a film about the aftermath of a nuclear attack.
Suddenly the whole blog come together in a single concise complementary set of comments.
Or maybe not...
Tim.C
Tbh, that had just occurred to me too... addictive isn't it?
Sir Richard Attenborough though, I must be told before I go?
The irony of it all....
"Threads" being a film about the aftermath of a nuclear attack.
Suddenly the whole blog come together in a single concise complementary set of comments.
Or maybe not...
Tim.C
The irony of it all....
"Threads" being a film about the aftermath of a nuclear attack.
Suddenly the whole blog come together in a single concise complementary set of comments.
Or maybe not...
Tim.C
Oops sorry about that - but other people's later posted comments were coming up and mine wasn't.
I did wait 6 and 15 minutes before trying again !
It's actually put my first post where it belongs before a post that was already there.
MOD if you do read these please delete all but the last one - Ta !
This blog lark is making me go crazy - I'm going out into the real world for a while.
I may be some time...
Sorry about that, folks. I got called away to a meeting. What did I miss?
Sheesh! You've been busy, haven't you!
Well done Tim - and at least today we're being complimentary.
Perhaps this posts comments revealing our tensions of being under the shadow of impending nuclear doom and all this threat talk, its made us all just want to get along...
or maybe it was the bikinis.
John H - phew (a very low rating on the relief scale), that's a relief
Was quite putting me off GQTs
ROTFLMAO, as they post in the US
* At 03:01 PM on 23 Aug 2006,
* John H. wrote:
Ed. (43) - sorry, that did sound a bit pompous. However, I still can't follow your link.
The first one was an error on my part, but 43 and 36 both worked in preview and from here...
You still can't get them?
How about ?
(works in preview)
xx ed
Well, I've been away for a few mins - and well, I am a popular fellow.
Who is Monica L?
ROTFLMAO
I think the British equivalent is LOLATAFBSEU.
(Laugh Out Loud And Then Apologise For Being So Embarrassingly Uncouth)
* At 04:23 PM on 23 Aug 2006,
* andycragg wrote:
* Sorry Ed, I think my encrusted bikini pic is slightly more attractive than your arab (its you, isn't it?)
Agreed, and did you note that there's a link to an "enlarge" option? Shades of my inbox!
Salaam
ed
Ed, 67 works just fine. 43 and 36 still don't - they're returning "can't find server" errors.
Well, Ed, I guess andycradd's 68 post pretty much confirms that the problem is at my end - unless he cunningly read the link and guessed!
Can't ping the server either - does that mean it's a DNS error?
I liked the leaf thing.
ps : someone from the ±«Óătv just looked at my website - could it have been Eric 'imself? I am most honoured.
pps : tables don't work when "using tags for style" - I just spent ages formatting this post and, well just look at it. Oh well.
I showed "Snoerwang" to a Flemish Belgian colleague expecting her to comment on the political correctness of finding the word humourous. Surprisingly she pointed out that there are many strange Dutch surnames in the Netherlands - apparently when the concept of the surname was introduced in Holland the Dutch thought this would be a temporary measure and many of them made them up without much thought being used.
If Tony Blair is the great Loan Arranger,
which one of his cronies can I label as Tonto?
And my sister-in-law lives on a road called 'Waasenarseweg' in the Netherlands. Not just surnames, apparently!
John H : Must be a local DNS error - I didn't do anything cunning (checked spelling) or do any guessing. Sorry.
I tried being cunning with a beautifully formatted post which failed.
Waiting for Erics "Snoerwang" attempt ....
I think the latest threat level should be: "George, don't do that!"
Welcome to spooky..
I used to live in the town of Scheviningen, in a road called Skoolstraat - just down the road from Wassenaarseweg !!
Tim.C
I think Eddie was asking for "footsy"
Looking at their webcam he seems to be sitting there all on his own.
How sad.
Eddie, there's a lot of love out here. Just reach out.
Some folk will go to a lot of trouble to ensure fresh produce, even in the age of internet ordering for home delivery:
Did anyone see this?
Travelling grocer
All in a day's work, I guess....
ed
Eddie.
I'm standing on your Blog!
Sounded like "Shnuurrlwine" to me - what do others think?
nice pronounciation, Eddie! I thought you deliberately rushed it first time, but you seemed to relish the second time.....
Did anyone catch the FTSE index?
I think he has a bet on for how many times he can mention the FTSE index.
It was in there again !!
He's repeating "FTSE" now over and over... trying to cover up all that need.
Its really quite sad.
Spooky indeed Tim...My Mum lives in Holland in The Hague between Waasenaar and Scheveningen. She named me after the Dutch town of Lisse but anglicised the spelling. I guess I got off lightly with the surname (nee Bradley).
thanks to eddie i now know what the FTSE index is but still have no idea what it means.
.......oh well i'll have another think
I was listening between 5.25 and 5.58 pm and I think I missed whether the FTSE went up or down today - did anyone catch it?!!
Eddie what's going on with the "pearls of wisdom" at the top of the page? (Underneat the PM bit).
I'll swear it was different last week (thought they changed on a daily basis) but Bob Thedino's is appearing EVERY day. (No offence Bob).
Was eagerley awaiting mine (which no doubt will appear when I'm on holiday next month), but hoped it would be captured for posterity on my return.
Andycra[b]GG[\b], I'm sorry! But it would just have been too neat and wrappy-uppy for me to have made that mistake... sigh... I leave that to those wiser than me
btw, anyone, in the new digital telly and radio age, will the pips/bongs still have to be translated from analogue to digital or can they go straight to digital?
And what about Long Wave, then? Hmm
I listened as wide-eared as possible, but to me Eddie didn't pronounce it as "Shnuurrlwine" but "Shnoorwang" ('wang' rhyming with 'bang').
By the way, I've noticed ±«Óătv presenters/announcers often think that Dutch is like German and that an initial 'S' has to sound like 'Sh', which simply isn't correct. An S is an S, just as in English. And to be even more pedantic: it's 'Wassenaarseweg' and 'Schoolstraat'.
Beautiful, isn't it, Dutch?
Jezetha : "And to be even more pedantic: it's 'Wassenaarseweg' and 'Schoolstraat'."
You know, I even checked my spelling (especially after correcting Wassenaarsweg).
Checking again, I think Skoolstraat was in South Africa rather than Holland.
It was many years ago I was there so I'm not at all upset at forgetting how to spell it.
Anyway, time I was in bed.
Tim.C
There is a man with the surname Mahboob who writes letters to the editor. If I had that name, I'd think about changing it. Mahtittie, maybe. I might be wrong, but I think his first name is Ghrop.
For the strapline -
"Playing FTSE with the index"
On the subject of Dutch names, I once had to work (in England) with a guy called Ruud Poppings. Never tired of introducing him to people.
Hi folks!
(a link)
Newsnight covered this as a humorous item last night, even noting in passing that fifteen folk died in the raid, but that it was all because a grocer shared the same name as the leader of Hizbollah.
No sympathy for the five innocent civilians who spent three weeks in Israeli jail when their captors knew within a day or two that they had nothing to give and were guilty of nothing....
The Israelis even put a video up: (link)...but Today hasn't even mentioned the item.
A chance for PM to be the first on radio?
xx ed
Tim C. - if it's so long ago you were here in Holland, your spelling was remarkably near the mark. (And, yes, 'skool' is Afrikaans). All is forgiven...