How to Behave in the Outside World #4: Handling life's irritations.
Welcome to the fourth instalment of 's indispensable guide to how to behave like a normal person in everyday life.
Following last week's money saving advice, here's Leila's guide to keeping a cool head at all times. Does the word 'chillax' actually annoy the hell out of you? Take a deep breathe, make yourself a cuppa, put your feet up and let Leila soothe your anger. Click on the irritations to score points!
View the full blog post In order to see this content. You will also need to have an up-to-date version of the Flash Player. Visit ±«Óãtv Webwise for full instructions.
Animation by
Handling Life's Irritations
What, specifically, are the chief wind-ups of daily life and what – if anything – can be done about them? I’ve got it down to four main infuriations:
- Camping. It's amazing, the spectrum of irritations that can permeate a fly sheet. As if having to sleep in an airless canvas coffin with your face too close to your shoes wasn't bad enough, tents collect mud, tissues, condensation, flyers, newspapers and all kinds of other crap you didn't put there. Last time I packed up my tent after a festival I had to find space for a small branch of Starbucks, that git off the news who always skis to work when it snows, and a guilty-looking Nicholas Lyndhurst in 1940s clothing. He was unable to explain himself.
- The Spring. Spring is by far the sneakiest of the four seasons. Winter and summer play by the rules, while autumn is Christmas's inferior warm-up act – and knows it. But spring! It's as cold as winter and as blowy as autumn, yet it decks itself with flowers and parades about with all the confidence of an uninvited arse slap. Everyone knows without Easter, spring would be nothing. Nothing.
- Rubbish. Those who miss the binmen repeatedly should know it's OK to occasionally leave rubbish bags outside charity shops. Don't do it every time, but once in a while is OK. It’s also worth looking into what storks do when they’re not delivering babies. If you're having a big clear-out, you might be able to get one to drop some stuff off at the tip for you.
- Stupid People. Stupid people are everywhere, ringing their own doorbells to see if they’re in, trying to eat the stickers on apples, thinking every bright light is the moon. If you see a stupid person heading towards that self-checkout machine you had your eye on, and don't have time to wait for them to figure out it’s not an overhead projector, distract them with some made up facts. You know, "The 'ventriloquist' is actually the name of the dummy", or "The Virgin Galactic has no windows", or "Westminster Abbey is actually the name of the bell".
Ìý
How to Behave in the Outside World is written by the Buddha of blogging, Leila Johnston.
Comment number 1.
At 14th Jan 2011, bingo_mad wrote:This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 1)