Geraldine - 'Once Upon A Christmas Song'
(Never mind all the nonsense around 'Hallelujah', Hazel Robinson has a bone to pick with an entirely different TV talent show winner...)
There are two essential elements to a satire:
1. It must be witty.
2. It must not be, in itself, hypocritical or else it runs the risk of being awkward self-parody, therefore missing its intended target, and turning on itself...
PAGING PETER KAY, PAGING PETER KAY...
This is, you see, a parody of naff Christmas songs, as performed by a parody X Factor winner. The song is intended to satirise the rubbish festive songs that get rolled out every year to make various people pots of money, being sung "again and again" as we all do the same things every year, for some reason.
I don't want to be too overtly pedantic here but whilst you're trying to make a biting commentary on the attitudes to Christmas (and the fact people will buy any old rubbish in the season of commercialism) then it might be an idea to not forget the fact that, yes, we all do the same thing every year at Christmas...BECAUSE IT IS CHRISTMAS. That's what you do. You give each other presents and you drink too much sherry and you feel a bit awkward as an elderly relative makes some decidedly un-PC comments about the French.
And you sing the same songs every year because they are seasonal and all songs are meant to be repeated (mostly, anyway) and the nature of human existence means we're reassured by ritual repetition.
And again, not trying to be overly pedantic but if you're going to criticise Christmas songs for being rubbish and repetitive, designed to create a false sense of sentimentality as some smarmy faceless weirdo points to himself and mugs to camera, then the moment to do it might not be as you release a charity single for Christmas.
If I was the NSPCC, for whom this single is raising money, I would 1) feel confused about what exactly I'd signed up for here, 2) think this all might be slightly off-message, since a lot of the children they care for would probably really like to have a standard Christmas with all the standard Christmas trimmings, songs and all.
In fact, I don't think there's really anything in the charity remit about having a whinge because it's the time of year when Noddy Holder gets royalties or I have a bit of a sing along to 'Wombling Merry Christmas.' Peter Kay is a comedian. He doesn't even work in retail, for heaven's sake, so if I'm defending repetitive Christmas songs after listening to the same CD of them twelve times a day for the last month then he's really got no right to whinge.
The other aspect to this, of course, is that the song is not so much a song as an incredibly embarrassing sketch that might have been funny if it had lasted about 30 seconds in the middle of something else but as 'Geraldine's' voice flatlines its way through the cringeworthy lyrics, you're left with an overwhelming sense that someone, somewhere should really have seen sense and stopped this at some point.
There must be better ways to donate to the NSPCC, frankly.
Download: Out now
CD Released: December 15th
(Hazel Robinson)
Comment number 1.
At 19th Dec 2008, WyattMHalliwell wrote:It's Christmas. It's fun. Don't take it all so seriously! Enjoy.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 1)
Comment number 2.
At 20th Dec 2008, softchews01 wrote:I think that he/she (which is correct?) is actually trying to say that the old, repetitive chirstmas songs are actually very good but it is the influx of 1 hit wonders from X-factor winners that she is against. And I really think that this is a good song and it should raise a lot of money for the NSPCC. And so, I beseech thee, my good sire, please raise the rating that you have given this good crossdresser. thank you.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 2)
Comment number 3.
At 21st Dec 2008, lifebuttercupbaby wrote:This song is brilliant! It encapsulates all of the fun of Christmas and stays true to our British Heritage! Peter Kay is not the worlds greatest singer but isn't that the point? Who is! He is a very clever man and one who at least contributes to charity and writes his own songs.
I think a sense of humor is required to appreciate this song and without one you may as well by the Alexandra Burke cover.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 3)
Comment number 4.
At 21st Dec 2008, loony20 wrote:I love this song, it's catchy, fun and good. It says everthing about christmas songs and is 100 times better than Alexandra Burke's song whick is boring and isn't fun, which christmas is meant to be!
This should be no.1
Complain about this comment (Comment number 4)
Comment number 5.
At 21st Dec 2008, loco1388 wrote:This song should have been number one. Alex Burke's version of Hallelujah is just too bland.
At least Peter Kay managed to write his own song which managed to get into the charts dressed as a woman that used to be a man. Now if that's not talent I don’t know what is. I just think this blog is just such a pedantic argument about such an original song. I mean would this kind of blog have been posted about Slade? Just because it was cheesy.
I think it’s about time that x factor stop stealing Christmas from classic Christmas. And the winners claim the Christmas number won because they won the x factor.
Maybe it’s about time a song like "once upon a Christmas" won the Christmas number one.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 5)
Comment number 6.
At 21st Dec 2008, HazelChartblog wrote:...err, my point was that it *isn't* fun. It's actively *against* fun, in fact, by suggesting all Christmas records are novelty repetitive rubbish. It's at best unfunny and at worst hypocritically spiteful. I'm all for fun in Christmas records and for proper Christmas songs (I actually, honestly, no word of a lie find 'Wombling Merry Christmas' v. affecting) but the point was that this isn't either.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 6)
Comment number 7.
At 21st Dec 2008, sarahmo-roberts wrote:I hve two points.
1) Whoever wrote this review needs to lighten up. Its just a bit of fun. I ts NOT suggesting that every Christmas song is pointless. Its NOT in any way hypocritical. Its purely a stupid song written by Peter Kay.
Its just a bit of fun. Peter Kay's obviously not taking it seriously, so why should you?
Well worthy of the top10.
2)Make your minds up about alex. I just read the review of her song and they all said it was overdone (which i disagree with). Here, you all sayits too bland.(I also disagree with this)
Complain about this comment (Comment number 7)
Comment number 8.
At 22nd Dec 2008, cezjay84 wrote:Oh dear Hazel. Ba humbug!
I think you have totally missed the idea of this song! Peter Kays issue is with un-christmassy songs by mass publicised, pre-packaged reality stars stealing the fun from Christmas.
He is not trying to parody other great Christmas songs, in fact, he has created a pretty good homage to them! His message is that we SHOULD be singing them over and over and over, and over, again!
The Christmas number one should be fun, seasonal, and original........but I guess we'll have to put up with next years X factor winner again next Christmas!
Good on you Peter!
And Hazel, to quote the great Geraldine, "...turn it up, play it loud". You know you love it.
Happy Christmas x
Complain about this comment (Comment number 8)
Comment number 9.
At 22nd Dec 2008, sofybbzx wrote:I love this song!
It's really funny, easy to sing along to...
I can't believe that people are saying this should be christmas number one,
It's funny, but Alexandra totally deserved to get the Christmas number one!
I mean, you all voted her in and so you should be glad that she won!
I voted for JLS twice with the little money that i can call my own, but you know...
You all voted her in, so you should be happy that you're money went somewhere useful!
Unlike me!
Rock on JLS:)
(and alex)
Once Upon A Christmas Song,
Everybody Sing Along....
Complain about this comment (Comment number 9)
Comment number 10.
At 22nd Dec 2008, sofybbzx wrote:Geraldine should actually be the christmas number one!
Alex's song isn't christmassy at all!
Complain about this comment (Comment number 10)
Comment number 11.
At 22nd Dec 2008, softchews01 wrote:I think that neither should have been crimbo no. 1 In all fairness, the number 1 spot could have gone to Buckleys version of Hallelujah (In my opinion one of the best songs ever sang but only an opinion) or it should have been won by an older song with a wealth of experience and years of people listening and loving it. But, again, this is all just opinion although no stars is way too harsh. Lighten up Duuuuuuuude.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 11)
Comment number 12.
At 22nd Dec 2008, CurtainJerker wrote:A "biting commentary"? "Actively against fun"? "Hypocritically spiteful"?
Hazel, do you even know anything who Peter Kay is or what he does? The man has never made a biting commentary about anything in his life. His whole act is based poking gentle fun at funny British traditions and quirks, but ALWAYS treating them with affection and enjoying the nostalgia.
This song is no different. It's basically him (and us) laughing at ourselves and how we play the same songs, date from or became traditions back in the 80s, and how we never seem to move on from them, but never mind, because we love them anyway.
Nothing is being criticised for being rubbish, or whinged about, by Peter Kay. On the contrary, the only whinging being done is by you, because you've utterly missed the point of the whole exercise (and thank goodness you AREN'T the NSPCC, who obviously saw this song for the fun parody that it is and jumped at the opportunity for increased donations with no ludicrous concerns about it being "off-message").
Unbelievable. Christmas must be loads of fun round your house.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 12)
Comment number 13.
At 22nd Dec 2008, CurtainJerker wrote:Yeah, I missed a couple of words out in that post. The odd "about", "on" or "which". The rage just took over and I posted without reading it over first. Oops.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 13)
Comment number 14.
At 24th Dec 2008, zQWASZX wrote:This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules. Explain.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 14)