This Is Why They're Hot?
You know those *EXCLUSIVE* *PICTURE SPECIAL* features that celeb magazines love to run about stars and how they are actually just human beings with real imperfections, just like you and me -
Well, the thing which makes them compelling viewing (let's not pretend reading plays a large role) is the moment when the imperfection, whatever it is, shatters the mask of beauty, and suddenly this massively charismatic and sexy star you're used to seeing on the page, appears to be some kind of gorgon, just because they've got bony hands or something. It really works too, one tiny change in the way you perceive someone , and BOOM! the whole edifice of sexiness comes crashing down.
Don't believe me? OK, take a look at this specially doctored picture of Justin Timberlake here. Everything which people find sexy about him is still present. In fact, I did some research as to what these factors might be - y'know, - and the list is as follows.
Browner skin - check!
Narrower facial shape - check!
Less fat - check!
Fuller and more symmetrical lips - check!
Darker eye brows - check!
More and darker lashes - check!
Upper half of the face broader in relation to the lower - check!
Higher cheek bones - check!
Prominent lower jaw - check!
More prominent chin - check!
No receding brows - check!
Thinner lids - check!
No wrinkles between nose and corner of the mouth - check!
So, by rights, this should be a very attractive face. Hell, it's even symmetrical, which is always another 'must-have'. But having crossed the eyes, suddenly Justin looks fallable, and that's it, his sexy is gone (don't worry though, he'll bring it back, he always does).
And it works for girls too. Here's Lily Allen. The list for attractive females is much the same as it is for the men (only with less emphasis on chins), and you can see that Lily basically meets the requirements for a hot mama, facially speaking. But again, cross her eyes and it's suddenly all gone.
Now, I would like to say that this is the point at which I took this scientific approach across to other factors which influence how attractive people are considered to be by the people who are supposed to find them attractive. What I actually did was get over-excited about drawing googly-eyes on pop stars, and so it's at this point we abandon all psychological research and resort to just pointing and laughing at the funny faces.
(NOTE: Before we really get into this, can I just quickly say that laughing at people whose eyes point in different directions for real isn't nice. This is more about finding a quick way to shatter that beauty mask I was talking about earlier on. We are none of us perfect...not even Jared Leto).
Yay! Look! I totally remixed Mark Ronson! Course, I should've put a trumpet in there somewhere, I spose, but still. How do YOU like it, fella? EH?
No jokes now, I really did doctor this picture, she's not just tired and stressed after a hard tour. She looks oddly lively this way though, don't you think?
Does anyone else think this shot looks like he's batting a ball from side to side within his own skull? Tom and Jerry used to do that stuff all the time, y'know...
Interesting how Fergie doesn't look massively less attractive, but she does look a hell of a lot thicker. Here we see her attempting to add four and five, without using her fingers. It looks like hard work.
Uh-oh, Gerard's not happy at having his orbs mucked about with. If you look at his right eye (the one on the left) he also looks a little bit like he might be slighty constipated and if you look at his left eye (on the right) you can see that it's making him furious. As well it might.
Meanwhile, Rihanna is transfixed by a tiny fly, mere millimetres from the bridge of her nose. Maybe it's telling her a special secret. A secret about a butterfly who did something nasty with a bluebottle. OMG INSECT GOSSIP!
Looks like it might've been Shayne Ward's pet butterfly. The poor fella's taking the news awful hard.
Hemos, Shemos, is it hard to maintain a Crush Crush Crush on someone who can check their own hair without needing a mirror (or taking their wig off)? It isn't? Right you are, then...
What you can't see in this shot is Paul McKenna's rocking watch, as he hypnotises Leona out of her most irrational fear. It's called Exexphobia, and it's the fear of vanishing as soon as the TV show you made your name on starts its new series. Course, one look at Rhydian would've had the same effect.
Yeah! Not so pretty now, are ya, Westy? Not now I done your eyes all googly an' that. I mean it'd be more effective if you would only take them shades off, but still...GOTCHA, YEAH?
So there we have it. Investigations into the nature of physical attraction vs doing boss-eyed pics of pop stars. There can be only one winner...SCIENCE ITSELF!
Comments
isn't that just amy winehouse on a "quiet night in" with her hubby?
Actually, I reckon that Gerard looks alot better having gone all boss-eyed! Should I be worried about this?
[Well, I can think of at least one regular ChartBlog commenter who might be gunning for you right now, so...yes! - Fraser]
Woo am back online :D Computer died and I thought I was going to loose all my coursework but gladly its alive :D
Gerard looks in pain :( nawww
"Gerard looks alot better having gone all boss-eyed!" - Don't understand.. doesn't make sense..
"none of us perfect...not even Jared Leto" - All you have to do is look him up on wiki, realise he's over double youre age, old enough to be your dad! :S
[He's SEVENTY-TWO?? - Fraser]
Haha. Fraser you're going to be in trouble.
There's only 2 possible explanations from Miss Kerri not commenting:
1. She hasn't had the time to read it yet or
B. She was so enraged by your meddling with GW that her head exploded!
Jamie my problemS were...
a) computer breaking on monday and not being fixed until yesterday
b) being ill all tuesday
c) Taste of Chaos on wednesday. Due to a lack of computer I wasn't able to listen to Rise Against until the gig itself but they were very good, as were Gallows.. Frank Carter really is scary but they are amazing live :) And I met 2 of the guys from Aiden :D But The Used were defo the best. And to think I almost didn't go because I was ill..
ps hahaha Fraser.. thats the stuff of nightmares! He'd be onstage with a walking stick! Or a false hip.. or other generally associated with old people things
FYI Kerri
Boss-eyed - Colourful Hertfordian term for being cross eyed - and don't say you didnt learn anything today!
Still, at least his being cross eyed distracts you from his huge nostrils!Phew!
Phew! Kerri, thank the lord your head hasn't exploded! Sorry to hear about your illyness, it's good to have you back.
I hope you have now backed up your coursework and saved it to a memory stick or something?
Glad you had a good time at taste of chaos, did you taste the chaos? Not sure what that tastes like, lol.
p.s. Yay for Rise Against, I knew they wouldn't dissapoint. . . unless they did and you are just saving my feelings.
Uh-oh, Gerard's not happy at having his orbs mucked about with. If you look at his right eye (the one on the left) he also looks a little bit like he might be slighty constipated and if you look at his left eye (on the right) you can see that it's making him furious. As well it might.
Now are you talking about TEENAGERS COS WE ARE PRETTY GORMLESS. :)
SarahLH:
His "his huge nostrils"?? Me not noticed that before.. you realise I cannot now look at a picture of him incase I notice?!? Gah
Jamie:
Am about to back up my coursework so any future problems like so don't result in panic.
And it was more so viewing than tasting the chaos.. as been as it was such a long gig (5.30-11pm) and I was really drained but didn't want not to see I made a compromise and viewed from the balcony.. it was a really good view so best of both worlds (not fainting being the other wold), especially as been as The Used were headlining so couldn't gamble with not having a decent view of them :)
Iunno, lol.. Gerard's nose always looked kinda cuteness... it has to I suppose, otherwise it would totally clash with the rest of his prettyful face ^_^ *sigh*
To me, Justin's just says 'wow, I can't believe no-one's ever noticed how pointy my nose is before!'
sorry to hear about computer and you being ill, Kerri.. least the gig was fun! I'm still cheesed that Sum41 got postponed.. no fun for me! :(
Naww Kat, why was it postponed? Do you know when the changed to date is yet?
INSECT GOSSIP! Lol. That's funny.
Whibley herniated a disk in his back.. so we'll let him off :P
Dunno when it's going to be now.. ticketmaster said they'll let me know.. so I'm just going to randomly google search it every now and then.. can't trust those guys!!
That's a right pain for you, I hope you hear from them soon :)
Some of these pictures are obviously photo-shopped but it doesn't ruin it at all, it shows that stars can be a bit wacky aswell!!!
lmao
they are so funny!!!
=]
omg
this is crazy