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Except that the difference between me going into a bookshop and Calvin Harris walking down a road or into a club is that I actually can't own all the books and apparently Mr Harris can "get all the girls." You see, he likes, as far as I can tell, all girls ever, according to this song. A man who would truly qualify for a diversity certification, he likes ladies of every ethnicity, nationality, shape and size and not only does he like them, want them, can't stop himself getting off with them but they like him too. At least, let's assume they like him too because the implications of otherwise would be a bit disconcerting for an electro-disco number.

If we really analyse the thing, though, it seems Mr Harris is not just about equal opportunities. He tells us that he has "a lot of love to give," which is all very well and nice but he's "been oversubscribed with relationships" and even if you're the most unique and cute and awesome girl he's ever met, he "can't help but play around for sure."

Why, folks, do we always fall for the wrong ones? The hot girls who turn out to be completely boring, the interesting guys who turn out to be more fascinated by Dr Who trivia than you, the girls with the awesome personalities who turn out to be more interested in Billie Piper than you, the sensitive guys who seem so cute for awhile but start making you think that maybe they could just, y'know, not talk about feelings, the weepy girls, the people with an interest in painting upside-down crosses on your walls and saying things like "Hail Satan!" during intimate moments, the ones who tell you four months down the line that they're already married- twice and the electro-disco geeks who can't keep their hands out of other people's skirts. It just never works out, y'know.

Why, then, would the whole of female-kind fall for Calvin Harris? Come to that, why would a whole bunch of malekind fall for him, too? Is it his dashing good looks, his use of bizarre furry animals in videos, his fascination with giving love to large sections of the human population (is it only girls who were born in the eighties, maybe?) No, he's that old minstrel with the ability to melt hearts with balladic tales of forsaken love. Except actually a guy with a lot of electronic equipment who just makes you want to dance. This might not be as instant as 'Acceptable in the 80's,' but the ubiquity of that song still means a grower is a good move, creeping up on you before you've got over the last single and whilst the misogynistic premise isn't exactly going to win the Germaine Greer Prize For Female Emancipation, there're a lot of worse statements out there (*cough*howareSunblockstillgoing?*cough*) and Calvin does at least seem to do it with a hefty dollop of self-ridicule.

Released: June 4th

(Hazel Robinson)