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Jono: Finding My Family on Facebook

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Jono Lancaster Jono Lancaster | 18:15 UK time, Monday, 26 September 2011

Adoption! It's something that's had a huge impact in my life and I'm thankful for having the oppurtunity to explore this on the show. This means a lot to me.

I've always known I was adopted. When I was younger, I thought it was dead cool that mum chose me from all the other kids. This is something I've always boasted to my friends about. I didn't really start thinking about my birth family until my teenage years - there was a time when I really struggled with the person I was and how I looked. I hated myself and knowing that my birth parents couldn't love me, how could anybody else???

I had no confidence and life was a struggle despite all the love I had from my adoptive family. I was angry, lonely and felt lost in the world. Thankfully, I got through it because I had family and friends that were always there for me.

The Fades cast

But in 2009, I made the decision to find out about my birth parents - not neccessarily to meet them - but just wanted the chance to say 'hey this is me, I'm happy, hope you are too...'. It would've been amazing to meet them, but that wasn't the case.

I've no regrets though and I'm glad I tried - hope they're happy and have no guilt. What is interesting is that during the process of it all, I found out all sorts of info about my biological family from my paper work: their jobs, where they lived, what they were like and the best bit I of all, I had siblings. I even found out their names. Wow I have siblings!

Soon as I got home I went onto Facebook typing in their names, even shortening the names - but no luck. Frustrating! I wanted to see them. I wonder if they look like me? What do they do? I have all sorts I want to ask them, but haven't thought about the next step if, or when I eventually find them...More questions ran through my mind. What will I actually do when I find them? Surely I can't send them a message because they don't know about me? Surely I should respect my parents' wishes and keep away? But then what happens if they find out about me another way? Argghhh!!! I still dont know the best way to go about it - frustrates me...

I don't want to cause my siblings any heartache - and however they find out about me there'll be an element of grief. And what would finding out about me do to their relationship with their mum and dad? I'd hate anything to come between me and my mum - So how can I do it to them? In fact I dont know if I can.

Luckily though, when I do decide what to do, I know I have a great support network around me and I know no matter what I decide and whatever happens they'll always be there. I am one lucky guy and am truly grateful.

Watch Jono: Finding My Family on Facebook tonight at 9pm. Tell us what you think, tweet using #bbc3jono. You can watch the show on iPlayer.


Comments

  • Comment number 1.

    Jono, I am watching your programme and I just wanted to say I think you are such a lovely person, very thoughtful 2 others around you. Your birth parents are missing out on someone very wonderful. I really hope you find what you are looking 4 x

  • Comment number 2.

    Hi Jono, I've not seen you on TV before and tbh I was channel hopping and found your programme. I too am adopted and have gone thru' trying to find my birth parents. I know I have siblings but having met my birth Mother (some years ago now), it has all turned out that I have been 'rejected' by her for a second time and I've no chance of carrying on the rest of my life sharing it with my siblings. It hurt for a while, but I have a lovely wife and two lovely Sons that I can devote my life to.
    'margatebaby' sums things up very nicely......."Your birth parents are missing out on someone very wonderful." ......the way you spoke of 'rejection', I was wondering if you've read "The Primal Wound?"
    Good luck my friend

  • Comment number 3.

    I saw this documentary just by accident yesterday evening. It was deeply moving and I am so pleased to have had the priviledge of watching it. What a great lad and what a wonderful loving, warm and beautiful family and girlfriend he has around him. I can only feel pity for his birth family who have missed out on having a wonderful person in their lives. In all honesty I did feel very angry at how selfish and cruel his adoption was but was happy to see that his wonderful mum had actually chosen him and given him more love and care than he may have had at home. Life works in mysterious ways and I can only wish him, his girlfriend and all his friends and family the very best and hope it all works out for them. They deserve nothing but the best and it's a shame there aren't more families like this.

  • Comment number 4.

    Hi Jono,

    I was deeply moved by your situation and the grace in which you're dealing with it. I'm in a very similar position, knowing I have siblings on both sides and also that both birth parents haven't mentioned me to them. It's very hard and frustrating for me, even though I have a daughter now - it often feels unfair that she doesn't know her large extended family, and that my existence and any possible relationships with them have been decided to be less important than them answering some difficult questions. All this wasted time is very frustrating. I do wish you the very best - and I'm glad your adoptive family are so close to you. It's only a matter of time I'm sure - and if your parents have to face up to questioning from their other kids - well, so be it. They can't be forgiven until they're brave enough to talk about you in the first place.

  • Comment number 5.

    hi jono&laura
    ive watched both of your shows, and think that poeple should see you as an inspiration not some one who is different. When i watched your last show, and heard you both say, that some small minded person, had been digging at your disability, it really made me angry to think that in this day, we as a society are stll passing judgement. We should not be seeing any one as "different" from one another. No one is perfect and we all have flaws. If they think that trying to make some one feel low is good then obviously they know nothing. I hope that you both have children one day as it seems you would make great parents.
    I wish you all the best with your siblings and hope that your biological parents will come round to the idea of meeting you, if not then they will obviouslybe missing out on what seems to be a very caring and ubderstanding son.

    jay x

  • Comment number 6.

    Hi Jono & Laura.

    Watching your documentary was inspirational. I like some of the fellow commenters am adopted, and felt comforted by some of the feelings you expressed in the program. I have only just begun to start the tracing process, and seeing your experiences has made me want to continue to gain information relating to my adoption whether they be positive or negative. I am aware that I too have siblings, however I am unsure as to whether they are aware of my existence, and I too do not wish to disrupt the balance in their lives and cause any friction, so i felt comforted by watching your program knowing that I wasn't truly alone in how I was feeling about the situation.
    Your program will have made lot of adopted people feel less alone in the world as you have been kind enough to be so open and honest about the issue, as some of the adoptive community, like myself, often find it hard to talk about it but easily think about it.
    I think your parents are missing out big time, and i'm sure if they saw the documentary then they will realise that.
    You seem to have an awesome partner and family who love you and support you, just how I feel my family are towards me, and I wish you nothing but success and happiness in the future. You are a true legend dude.

    K. x

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