By Dr Michelle Peter, child development researcher
Whether it's with a family member, a friend or a babysitter, the thought of leaving your baby for the first time with someone else can be daunting. After all, you're the centre of their world and pretty much all that they've known up until now. It’s perfectly normal to wonder how they’d manage without you – I know I did!
I clearly remember the first time I left my baby; I was so worried that my mum wouldn’t be able to settle him on her own. He had just turned eight months old, and had suddenly started to become very clingy if anyone unfamiliar came too close, and got upset if I was out of his sight for even a second.
This change in behaviour – called separation anxiety – might seem strange (weren’t they happy to be held by your best friend last time?!). It can be quite distressing too, but it’s actually a sign that your little one is developing. Their view of the world is growing and they’re becoming aware of just how much they rely on you to care for them.
This clinginess might make you reluctant to leave your baby with anyone else, but the reality is that it isn’t always possible to keep your baby with you all of the time. Maybe you need to return to work, have other commitments, or perhaps you just need a break – even a couple of hours can be life-saving sometimes.
Find out more about separation anxiety and how to deal with it.
The good news though, is that leaving your baby doesn’t have to be stressful. Why not try some of the simple tips below to make saying goodbye to your little one that bit easier for everyone!
Arrange a time to meet the person looking after your baby
This gives your baby a chance to get to know them. If it’s going to be a family member, a friend, or a babysitter, then organise a play date to break the ice.
If you can, arrange to meet where they’ll be looking after your baby. That way, they’ll be able to link the person to the surroundings and when the time comes, everything will feel that bit more familiar.
If you’re leaving your baby at a nursery or with a childminder, then they’ll often offer “settle in” sessions where you can stay with your baby for a couple of hours to get them used to their environment and the people who’ll care for them.
Find out more about preparing your child for nursery and childcare.
Talk to your baby about what’s going to happen
Chatting to your little one about your upcoming plans (like where they’ll be going and who they’ll be with) can help them to make sense of what’s going on.
Name the person that will be looking after them and talk about what they might do together while you’re not there.
For example, you could say: “Tomorrow, we’re going to see Auntie Clare. Do you remember Auntie Clare? She has some lovely toys that you can play with while Mummy and Daddy are out. You’re going to have a fun time with her, and then we’ll come and play with you later!”.
Make sure the babysitter knows what your baby likes (and what they really don’t!)
Do they have certain toys that excite them or particular games that they love to play?
Perhaps they have a favourite story, or maybe music is their thing. Whatever it happens to be, make sure that the person looking after your baby is up to speed with what keeps them entertained.
And make sure that the person looking after your baby has some of their favourite snacks to help make mealtimes enjoyable for everyone – nobody wants a hangry baby!
Pack things that comfort your baby
Personal experience has taught me just how calming a comforter can be for baby.
If your baby has that one favourite thing that they just can’t live without (like a particular blanket or a soft toy), then it’s wise that they have this to hand while you’re away.
Having something to hold that’s familiar can help them to feel secure in an unfamiliar situation.
Encourage babysitters to stick to your baby’s routine
Chances are that you and your baby follow some sort of daily routine.
It may be that once they’ve eaten their lunch, they’re ready for a nap. Or perhaps they need a mid-afternoon snack to see them through until their evening meal (remember the note above about hangry babies!). Maybe your baby has a bath and a story before bedtime.
Whatever it is that you usually do, it’s a good idea if the person looking after your baby does it too.
Not only will this help to avoid meltdowns because of over-tiredness or hunger, but having an idea of how the day will pan out can help your little one to settle.
Be positive!
And finally, as hard as it is for you, try to stay upbeat and smiling when you say goodbye to your baby.
Your baby may be able to sense your emotions, so keeping a positive attitude when you leave can help assure them that there’s nothing to worry about.
