One thing you donât expect when youâre holding your newborn baby in your arms is that, in just a few short months, theyâll be crawling, toddling, walking and eventually running.
And theyâll often use this new superpower to run as quickly as they can⊠away from you. When this happens, it can be incredibly scary and frustrating as a parent. Especially when youâre out and about in public spaces.
âI think it is very natural to be worried,â says child psychologist Dr Claire Halsey. âAs parents, we see every danger, don't we? We're kind of hyper-alert to a child stepping off the curb or being out of sight. And that's a completely natural part of what we're designed to do.â
So what can we do to stop our little ones from running off? And how can we keep them safe while giving them room to explore and grow?
Claire shares her top tips below.
Why do toddlers run off?
The main thing to remember is that your toddler is not intentionally trying to upset or annoy you.
When your baby reaches walking age, they discover a whole new world.
Imagine that youâve had to sit down or roll to get anywhere in your life. And then one day you discover suddenly that youâve got a rapid mode of transport. Youâre going to go for it, arenât you?
âRunning off is part of a toddlerâs natural and positive urge to explore, run, move and use their bodies,â explains Claire. âAnd all of this activity â and telling you about it - helps their coordination, brain and speech development.â
For your toddler, running off is a completely normal impulse to find out more about the world that theyâre in.
Their curiosity is a dominant drive.
âFor young children, this world is absolutely incredible, and they just want to see every bit of it - touch it, play, and run about in it. They want to see the colours, explore the shapes and thatâs developmentally really helpful for them.â
But, as we know, they are also completely oblivious to danger. Thatâs why itâs so important for us, as parents, to be aware of our children when weâre out and about.
How to stop your child running off
1. Set up simple rules
âIf youâre going out and think your child might run off or get lost, then set up a few rules with them before you leave the house,â says Claire.
Rules may be very simple, using just 2-3 words. Keeping it short will ensure your toddler really understands what youâre asking.
âYou could say, âStay close to meâ. âHold my handâ is another clear rule.â
If you find you have your hands full, you could also share holding the shopping bag handles. This might be an easier instruction to follow than âstay closeâ, as there is something physical to hold on to.
Using clear and concise language and repeating one phrase when youâre out and about will help your child remember what youâve said and understand it.
2. Make staying safe a fun game
Children are more attentive and responsive when activities are enjoyable and motivating.
âYou can make a game out of staying safe when youâre out and about,â explains Claire. âWhen you stop at the curb, for example, why not turn the Green Cross Code into something you do and say or even sing together at the curb side?â
Simon Says games are also a great way to practise listening skills and keep your child occupied in a space close to you.
You can fill the gap of their curiosity by talking and singing, and playing games.
Why not ask them to help you push the shopping trolley or pushchair? Or pretend you donât know where youâre going and ask them to show you the way?
âYou can play I Spy, look for colours they can see, or play a cloud spotting game,â suggests Claire. âGo out with them to collect some sticks and twigs, find the longest leaf, or coloured leaves. Your engagement with them as theyâre moving around is helpful.â
3. Remember what they understand
For children who havenât quite mastered spoken words, or those who struggle with their language, try to find different ways to highlight whatâs safe and what isnât.
âI think you can cue children from a very early age,â says Claire. âAlongside your language, you can use facial expressions and body language to show them that things can be dangerous. This will probably come very naturally to you.â
Try to put yourself in your childâs shoes. At their age, how much can they comprehend and what can you do to help them?
When you say something is hot, for example, you can use your body language or a hand sign to represent the word. You can hold your hands up or turn your hand into a fan to show something is hot and shouldnât be touched.
You can also use a more animated voice to emphasise this message and make what you're saying more child-friendly.
âThe other thing to bear in mind is they donât know what is worrying you,â explains Claire. When youâre at the park, for example, they donât know that you canât see them. âChildren think that you are all-powerful and know everything. They have no clue that theyâve just run out of your view.â
And this concept, called the Theory of Mind, is very difficult to teach. So Claire recommends flipping the phrase around.
âThe easiest thing to do is say, âStay somewhere you can see meâ, because if they can see you, you will most likely be able to see them.â
4. You donât have to do it alone
If youâre going somewhere that you know is going to be crowded, or if your child is especially active, why not invite a friend or relative to come with you?
âThat way, thereâs two of you with eyes on your toddlers and you can enjoy the experience more,â explains Claire.
Bringing a friend with you means you can take turns keeping your little one engaged with games or activities. At the same time, you can also get a few moments to yourself to enjoy some fresh air, or simply rest.
5. Try not to let your anxiety take over
âSome parents can be put off taking their children out if they have strong concerns about them running off,â says Claire. But you shouldnât let this worry stop you.
âIf this happens, your child will lose opportunities to learn the ârulesâ for being out and about. They also wonât get the chance to show you how they can stay close or come back when called.â
Claire suggests viewing going out as a chance for your child to practise staying nearby. âMake walks or trips out to the park shorter while you build confidence, and your child builds their understanding.â
What to do when your toddler runs off
Sometimes, no matter how much we prepare or chat with our children, they will run off anyway. If that happens, it can be an incredibly anxious time for you, but there are things you can do.
First things first, if youâre in a big store, and you canât find them, get help straight away.
âIt is really important to act quickly if youâve lost sight of them and theyâve not responded to your call.â
When you are calling for them, using their name is really important.
âYou might have heard of the cocktail party effect,â says Claire. âIf youâre in a crowded and noisy room, you will hear your name being called even if you canât hear anything else.â
For your child, this is no different. âThe most frequent word that your child has heard in their life is their name. So if youâre going to give them an instruction, like âstopâ, âstay thereâ, or âcome backâ, say their name first.â
Donât overcomplicate your instructions either. âTry not to say âWhere have you got to?â or âYouâre really upsetting mummyâ, as your child wonât understand this. Say their name, tell them what to do and keep it short and sweet.â
When they do listen and come back to you, how you respond in that moment is also key.
âChildren absolutely thrive on praise, donât they?â says Claire. âSo make sure that youâre giving them a lovely warm welcome when they come back, even if you feel extremely anxious inside.â