Every parent has been there, just about⊠When youâre in the supermarket and your little one starts kicking and screaming and thereâs just no apparent way to end the tears.
But why do toddlers have tantrums and what can you do to help them?
In the video below, we've put together a handy guide to help you understand and hopefully cope with toddler tantrums.
Youâve gone into the shop because your kid wants spaghetti hoops. You pick the one they like, and they start screaming. âNo Daddy, NO NO NO!â Do they want the letters, the cartoon ones in the blue tin, the red tin, the ones they once had at nan'sâŠ?
None of these tins will stop them crying, throwing a massive strop and saying "no no no!" And everyone is staring, and it makes you just want to scream - "AAARGGHH!
"Look, donât beat yourself up. Kids have tantrums -girls and boys, from around 18 months old. Itâs hard to know why they start. Most tantrums are them communicating.
Often: I'm tired, I'm frustrated. They just want to express themselves, but donât always know the words yet.
The good news is, tantrums should pass as your child learns to speak more - hopefully by the time they're four.
Phew! So, if your kidâs really kicking off, what can you do?
Keep calm, take a deep breath, (like you often do as a parent!)
Stay close to your child, and talk to them in a calming voice. Rather than shutting them down, by saying âbe quietâ, or âstop just stop!â, get down to their level, talk to them gently, to understand why theyâre having an outburst.
Ask them one or two simple questions like: âAre you hungry? Tired?" Give your child words to express how they feel.
Theyâll hopefully start to tell you what's going on, rather than acting it out.
That's a great reason to encourage them to talk, as much as they can. Start with simple words like âsadâ and âangryâ to help them name their emotions. And maybe save the more complex words like âfrustratedâ for how youâre feeling!
Why do toddlers have tantrums?
It can be difficult to tell why toddler tantrums start. However, a lot of the time they happen when children are feeling an emotion or sensation that they just donât have the words for yet. This could be âIâm hungry!â or âIâm tired!â or âIâm frustrated!â.
Learn more about helping your child deal with uncertainty and change here.
Tantrums are a way of expressing these feelings without the ability to let you know clearly.
The good news is, as childrenâs speech develops, they usually grow out of tantrums as they become able to communicate their feelings more effectively.
When do toddler tantrums start?
Toddler tantrums usually start at around 18 months.
Do boys have more tantrums than girls or vice versa?
Tantrums affect both boys and girls equally.
3 top tips for dealing with toddler tantrums
1. Stay as calm as possible.
- Take deep breaths, use a calm voice and get close to your little one as you speak to them.
2. Try to identify the problem.
- Get down to their level and calmly ask them simple questions like âare you hungry?â or âare you tired?â.
- Donât shut them down by telling them to âstopâ or âbe quietâ.
3. Give them words to express their emotions.
- Give your child words to express how they feel and theyâll hopefully start to tell you whatâs going on rather than acting it out.
- Start with simple words like âsadâ and âangryâ.
Created with help from child psychologist Dr Claire Halsey and child development researcher Dr Michelle Lowe.
