鲍鱼tv

This is the full transcript of Ouch 鈥� the cabin fever Isolation Diaries podcast as broadcast on 19th February 2021 and presented by Kate Monaghan.

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holly - Oh, I鈥檝e heard, apparently wearing two masks helps.

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KATE - It鈥檚 just really hard to swallow, like, how low on the priority list disabled people are.

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HOLLY - It鈥檚 all right, Gracie, I鈥檓 going to get you another chip.

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SCOUT - We鈥檙e celebrating my Mumma鈥檚 vaccine.

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kate - It鈥檚 a double celebration. Last week my wife, Holly, had the vaccine and this week I received some pretty good news too. Firstly, before I get too excited, hello, and welcome to the latest episode of Isolation Diaries with me, Kate Monaghan. This is my virtual audio diary. I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a condition that gives me quite bad mobility issues, as my joints don鈥檛 work as well as they should. This means I鈥檝e have had to miss out on some, but not all, of the fun with the snow we鈥檝e had up in Yorkshire the past few weeks. I have two daughters, Scout, who鈥檚 four, who I鈥檓 trying desperately to home school, and one year old Gracie, who we adopted last year.

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Helping me stay kind of sane during this lockdown is my wonderful wife, Holly, who had a kidney transplant a few years ago and therefore has no immune system. Because Holly is highly vulnerable to COVID, we as a family have been strongly shielding since last March and for this third, and hopefully final, lockdown we鈥檝e also been joined by Holly鈥檚 brother and his girlfriend. So, we鈥檝e all got quite cosy really. Last week we had without doubt one of the best days of our lives, as Holly received her vaccine, and this week it was about to get even better.

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KATE - Holly? Holly? Holly?

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HOLLY - Yeah.

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KATE - I just had a text message.

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HOLLY - What text message? Is it the vaccine?

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KATE - Yes.

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HOLLY - What, have you got a date?

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KATE - Yes!

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HOLLY - No way.

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KATE - I literally clicked the link the second it came in鈥�

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HOLLY - Yeah.

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KATE - 鈥�and I鈥檝e got it on Friday, first thing in the morning.

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HOLLY - My God, that鈥檚 only a few鈥� three days away.

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KATE - Yes.

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HOLLY - That鈥檚 amazing!

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KATE - I know.

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HOLLY - My God. I can鈥檛 believe that.

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KATE - I know. I literally phoned the doctor to say鈥� The paediatrician told me because our daughter has a disability, they told me to phone and get registered as her carer so that I could stay safe to look after her. A couple of days later I鈥檝e got the text and I鈥檓 all booked in.

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HOLLY - My God, that鈥檚 amazing.

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KATE - It鈥檚 so good.

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HOLLY - The NHS are doing wonders at the moment.

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KATE - Yeah, I don鈥檛 really get it, but, like they鈥檙e just so fast and鈥�

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HOLLY - I鈥檒l just鈥�

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KATE - You鈥檙e choosing your clothes, yeah.

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HOLLY - I鈥檓 really tempted to put a fancy dress on to go to Sainsbury鈥檚, like, the one you gave me.

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KATE - [Laughs]

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HOLLY - I鈥檓 not even kidding.

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KATE - Yeah, that is a good dress. Wear it. You haven鈥檛 got anywhere else to wear a fancy dress.

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HOLLY - I know, but I don鈥檛 want to, like, ruin it or something.

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KATE - Yeah, I gave Holly a very nice dress for Valentine鈥檚 Day. And what did you give me? Some love. [Laughter]

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HOLLY - I got you a good card.

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KATE - You did get me a very good card of Moira from 鈥楽chitt鈥檚 Creek鈥� saying 鈥楬appy Valentine鈥檚 Day, B茅b茅鈥� which is the best thing ever.

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HOLLY - But we did agree no presents, and you went against that, so鈥�

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KATE - But yeah, I鈥檓 going to get the vaccine.

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HOLLY - Are you going to be ill, do you think?

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KATE - Er, no. I am hardy. I鈥檓 used to the pain, I鈥檒l be fine.

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HOLLY - Yeah. Well your mum was really poorly.

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KATE - Yeah, Mum had a really bad reaction, which is quite concerning because Mum and I have very similar health conditions, and she, yeah, she was really ill for, like, five days afterwards, because some kind of鈥� She has problems with her immune system and it was like a really weird immune response that she had.

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HOLLY - Yeah. Don鈥檛 do that.

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KATE - No. I鈥檓 hardy, unlike you.

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HOLLY - Oh, I鈥檓 really hardy. I鈥檝e been through a lot, thank you.

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KATE - Yeah, but now鈥�

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HOLLY - If we counted operations I鈥檇 be winning.

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KATE - Would you?

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HOLLY - Yeah. How many lines have I had inserted into鈥�?

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KATE - What are you counting as an operation?

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HOLLY - Anything where you go under GA.

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KATE - General anaesthetic.

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HOLLY - Or a procedure.

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kate - No, a procedure鈥檚 not an operation.

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HOLLY - Even when you have a tube put into your heart?

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KATE - Yeah. That鈥檚 just a procedure.

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HOLLY - And I think if we counted up all the hospital time I would excel!

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kate - Well, actually we did a pain tolerance test once didn鈥檛 we? Do you remember?

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HOLLY - Yeah.

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KATE - It was going round on social media, so it was, like, who can withstand more pain?

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HOLLY - You would have done it until you passed out, just so you could beat me.

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KATE - I know I would. And you had to, like, put your鈥� So there鈥檚, like, a cold bath, you have to have an icy bath and then put your arm in and see who could last the longest with their arm in the ice bath and Holly lasted for about five seconds and I was there five minutes later going, yeah, this is fine.

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HOLLY - No you weren鈥檛. Kate, you would have done it until you were unconscious if it meant beating me.

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KATE - Also true. Holly and I are insanely competitive with each other aren鈥檛 we?

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HOLLY - Yeah.

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KATE - You may have noticed.

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KATE - So, we have decided to come out and take the kids sledging because it鈥檚 snowed, which is amazing. Oh, I鈥檓 out of breath, just walking a little distance in the snow. It鈥檚 so hard on my joints, I have to, like, do about five steps and then stop and then five steps and then stop and then five steps and then stop. So, it鈥檚 really hard work, but because Will and Louise are living with us at the moment they鈥檝e come out with me and Holly to help with the kids and it鈥檚 so nice because we鈥檙e all literally, like, killing each other. This weekend has just been the worst weekend for a really long time. It鈥檚 been raining, the kids have been screaming.

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There鈥檚 been, like, nothing to do. Scout just refused to go outside, which I don鈥檛 blame her because it鈥檚 raining, Grace doesn鈥檛 want to go outside because it鈥檚 raining. But, like, neither of them will just sit and watch TV anymore because that鈥檚 what they鈥檝e done for months on end now. So they won鈥檛 do that. And there鈥檚 just, like, nothing to do. Scout鈥檚 attention span is that of a gnat. So we鈥檒l set up, like, a craft activity for her, she鈥檒l do it for five minutes and then she鈥檒l be, like, right, what鈥檚 next? And then you鈥檝e got the whole day spread out in front of you with nothing to do and no focus to it. It鈥檚 just so hard. So the snow has actually been a welcome break of the mood I think, and we鈥檝e been able to get a couple of sledges and go out to a park. And I鈥檓 just on driving duty so I drive them, sit at the top of the hill, watch them go, they do their sledges, and then I go back to the car, bring it down to the bottom and pick everyone up.

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So I get to see them having fun, which is great. Unfortunately, like, unless someone took the car from the bottom to the top of the hill I can鈥檛 get back up the hill. Oh my God, it鈥檚 so hard. And the cold on my bones. Like my Grandma Betty used to say, "It鈥檚 all the cold on my bones," but that鈥檚 how I feel. The cold is so bad on my joints, but you鈥檝e just got to suck it up don鈥檛 you? You鈥檝e got to suck it up and do what you鈥檝e got to do for the family, because otherwise, lordy knows what we鈥檇 be doing right now. Anyway, I鈥檓 going to go and pick them up from the bottom of the hill now and hopefully they鈥檒l have had a nice time.

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KATE - So I can鈥檛 quite believe it but I am in my car in a queue, waiting to go for the vaccine. Yeah, I still can鈥檛 quite believe it鈥檚 happening. As ever in our relationship I drove Holly all the way out to get hers, and stayed in the car while she had hers, and then - oh, I鈥檒l move forward in the queue, in the car queue - and then drove her home again, all that. Me? No. She鈥檚, like, "Sorry, you can drive yourself and sort yourself out." [Laughs] But I don鈥檛 care. I鈥檓 being vaccinated so it makes no difference to me whatsoever. Going forward again. Like, it just feels like it happens so quickly, it鈥檚 amazing. I literally, like, took the very first slot that they could possibly do at, like, nine o鈥檆lock in the morning. So yeah, I鈥檓 excited. Very excited.

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KATE - It鈥檚 done, it鈥檚 done. I just got back in the car. I鈥檓 done. I鈥檓 not going to cry like Holly did, but oh my goodness. Also, the radio鈥檚 on. It was really quick, easy. They did it really well. Not the injection, I mean, they did, that was fine, I just meant it was organised really well. They offered me a seat at the queue because I just said, "Oh sorry, I can鈥檛 stand very long," and I was walking a bit funny and they noticed and they were, like, "Oh, here鈥檚 your seat." So I just had a seat and yeah, then five minutes later basically, popped out into the room, the injection went in and out again. And I was all, like, "Thank you so much everybody, thank you, thank you, thank you," just because I鈥檓 so grateful to life right now and science and all you amazing people who made it happen so quickly. And everyone who鈥檚 been keeping us safe. I mean, it is just insane how many people have, like, made this happen.

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Yeah, it鈥檚 done. And Holly texted me saying Scout is being really difficult at home, so I kind of just don鈥檛 want to go back, so I feel like I鈥檓 just going to sit in the car for five minutes before I leave, because she won鈥檛 know that it鈥檚 finished this early will she? She鈥檒l never know that鈥� until she listens to this. But yeah, so I鈥檓 just going to take a little five minutes to myself right now in the car with a seat warmer on being warm, and not having anyone screaming my name every five seconds. It鈥檚 just my own little spa break right now, just to say well done me for having the vaccine.

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KATE - So what did you tell me to do before my vaccine today? Do you remember?

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HOLLY - No.

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KATE - You told me that I had to wear two masks.

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HOLLY - Oh, well I鈥檝e heard apparently wearing two masks helps you against the new strains.

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kate - Yes, so that鈥檚 what I did, I double masked up.

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HOLLY - Oh, well done.

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KATE - Yeah, I know. But it felt to me a bit like, you know when you were younger and you were, like, you know, at school and people said, "If you really don鈥檛 want to get pregnant wear two condoms," do you not think it鈥檚 a bit like that?

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HOLLY - No, this is coming from a news source of some description.

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KATE - Which one, the 鲍鱼tv? Because that鈥檚 the only one to trust.

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HOLLY - Might be, I don鈥檛 know, I don鈥檛 know.

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kate - Are you going to go out with two masks then?

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HOLLY - I don鈥檛 know. Probably not. I mean, I鈥檓 not getting close enough to people really.

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KATE - Well you didn鈥檛 wear your mask in the playgroup this morning and that really annoyed me.

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HOLLY - I wasn鈥檛 near anyone.

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KATE - That doesn鈥檛 matter. You feel like you鈥檙e invincible now don鈥檛 you?

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HOLLY - No, I don鈥檛 actually. But I just wasn鈥檛 anywhere near anyone. But I鈥檓 a bit cold-y, my nose was running and it鈥檚 making me feel horrible.

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KATE - Mm. So you know how you had a day off after your vaccine? Do I get that tomorrow because I鈥檝e had my vaccine?

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HOLLY - Well, let鈥檚 see how ill you are. If you wake up with the sweats and the shakes and, you know, then maybe.

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KATE - Do you think you were properly ill after yours?

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HOLLY - Yeah.

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KATE - Like, in what way?

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HOLLY - I鈥檓 not telling you because you鈥檒l get ideas. [Laughter] But you know I was.

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KATE - Well I know you were up in the night, yeah, 鈥榗os you had鈥�

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HOLLY - And the next morning I felt really achy and horrible.

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KATE - But the thing is, like, I feel achy and horrible every morning.

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HOLLY - Yeah, so you鈥檒l be fine.

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KATE - So I鈥檒l probably be okay because I鈥檒l just be, like, oh it鈥檚 normal.

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HOLLY - Yep.

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KATE - So no milking it?

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HOLLY - No.

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KATE - Say, "Hello, podcast."

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SCOUT - Hello podcast. Today we鈥檙e in the car having a Happy Meal, and just Mamma and me are playing top tumps together.

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KATe - We are playing top tumps together.

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SCOUT - And it鈥檚 a little bit icy. And I鈥檓 going to put the wind wipers on.

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KATE - You鈥檙e going to put the window wipers on?

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SCOUT - Yes, please can I put them on?

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kate - Yeah, you can. What are we celebrating today?

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SCOUT - Um. We鈥檙e celebrating鈥� [Whispers] Louise鈥檚 birthday?

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KATE - No, we had Louise鈥檚 birthday already. What did Mumma have this morning.

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HOLLY - It鈥檚 all right, Gracie. I鈥檓 going to get you another chip.

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SCOUT - We鈥檙e celebrating my Mumma鈥檚 vaccine.

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HOLLY - She can have a veggie dipper.

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SCOUT - And you said there were no stickers.

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KATE - No, I didn鈥檛 get a sticker. Mummy got a sticker for her vaccine didn鈥檛 she?

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SCOUT - And Mummy got a sticker for her vaccine and she says鈥�

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KATE - It鈥檚 still going, don鈥檛 worry.

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SCOUT - And today we did this stuff. Bye.

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KATE - I think I鈥檝e finally gone crazy. I鈥檝e just downloaded an app to translate my cats鈥� meows into language. It鈥檚 just said that Milo was saying to me, "My love, I am hungry." I mean, which does sound pretty accurate to me. Anyway, enough of my being driven into craziness. I鈥檓 just feeling really sad today because there was a report out yesterday about the fact that 60% of people who鈥檝e died with Coronavirus have disabilities. Do you want a drink? Is that what you were after? Okay. There you go, I鈥檒l turn the tap on. There you go. Yeah, it鈥檚 just made me really sad, and then the same weekend we鈥檝e had the research saying that more people with learning disabilities are being forced into having do not resuscitate orders put on them, or just being told not to be鈥� Like, doctors being told not to resuscitate them in hospital. And in the same token they鈥檙e not being given the vaccine.

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It鈥檚 just really hard to swallow, like, how low on the priority list disabled people are. And perhaps for a lot of the public, I don鈥檛 know, but I feel like you say disability or learning disability, and perhaps for a lot of people, like a certain type of person pops into their head. Maybe it鈥檚 somebody old and frail and we look at that and we think, oh that鈥檚 what we鈥檙e talking about, but that鈥檚 not true, like, it鈥檚 people like me, it鈥檚 people like my wife. [Purring] Yeah Milo. I wonder what that purr meant. I鈥檒l translate it later. I鈥檒l turn the tap off now. Yeah, you know, we are not expendable, our lives are not worth less because we have disabilities, you know, we have challenges that other people don鈥檛 have, but that doesn鈥檛 mean that our lives aren鈥檛 any less worth living than everybody else鈥檚. It doesn鈥檛 mean that we鈥檙e not worth saving, we鈥檙e not worth anything.

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KATE - So it has been a real mix of a week. Happy news, now I鈥檝e had my vaccination part one, and the same old prejudices many of us with a disability have had to face constantly. As always, I鈥檇 love to hear your thoughts on the conversation. Email my producer, Amy, at

amy.elizabeth@bbc.co.uk. Also let me know, how have you found your vaccine? Did you have any symptoms after the jab? And what did you treat yourselves to after? I鈥檒l be back next week with the latest instalment of my crazy life, and I would tease what might happen but at this stage of lockdown I just don鈥檛 know. Life is full of surprises and I鈥檓 happy to let you share them with me.

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