鲍鱼tv

This is a full transcript of the聽Ouch Christmas Quiz 2020聽as published on 17th聽December 2020,聽Presented by Simon Minty and Kate Monaghan.
[Jingle: Ouch. Welcome to the Ouch Christmas quiz 2020]聽Just a quick content warning - this podcast features some mild bad language.
SIMON -聽Hello, and welcome to the annual Ouch Christmas quiz with me, Simon Minty.
KATE -聽聽And me, Kate Monaghan. It鈥檚 been a strange old year for everyone hasn鈥檛 it, so we hope this festive themed quiz will bring a little bit of joy to you, and as always, feel free to play along at home. This year we鈥檙e joined by three wonderful guests who are all vying for the honour of winning. And whilst there鈥檚 no physical prize,聽 the honour of being named champion master or mistress of Ouch quiz-ness is surely reward enough.聽
SIMON -聽It is a cracking line up. Our first guest is the amazing actor, Mat Fraser, who has starred in 鈥楬is Dark Materials鈥� and 鈥楢merican Horror Story Freakshow鈥� and was most recently seen and heard performing 鈥楥ripTales鈥� for 鲍鱼tv Four and 鲍鱼tv America. But here at Ouch he鈥檚 best known for being one of the original podcast, maybe even one of the best, podcast presenters.聽
KATE -聽聽Male. Best male presenters, maybe. Maybe.聽
SIMON -聽Oh, easy鈥�
MAT -聽Not best, certainly male, and one of the first. Hi. It鈥檚 pretty amazing to be back here with you guys. I鈥檓 thrilled.
SIMON -聽It鈥檚 a homecoming, and we鈥檙e thrilled to have you back. Thanks, Mat.
KATE -聽聽We鈥檙e also joined by comedian and actor, Rosie Jones, who鈥檚 regularly on shows, including 鈥楾he Last Leg鈥�, 鈥楳ock the Week鈥�, 鈥�8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown鈥� and 鈥楬ypothetical鈥�. She鈥檚 also performed at the Edinburgh Fringe and appeared in TV dramas, 鈥楽ilent Witness鈥� and 鈥楽hakespeare and Hathaway鈥�. Most recently Rosie appeared on 鈥楺uestion Time鈥� and she鈥檚 won a very cool 鈥楢ttitude鈥� magazine award, which I was very jealous of, Rosie. So, Rosie, where are you talking to us from today?
ROSIE -聽I am in my flat in North London, in my bedroom, and we鈥檙e filming this at half nine and I got up about ten minutes ago.聽聽
KATE -聽Nice, nice. See, this is the joy of this new world order isn鈥檛 it? Everyone can just stumble out of bed and straight to work.
ROSIE -聽Yeah. I love it because I can do comedy gigs now, naked from the waist down.聽
KATE -聽Is that what you鈥檙e doing right now? Do you have trousers on or are you just going to leave us guessing?
ROSIE -聽Absolutely no trousers at all.
SIMON -I鈥檝e done a few gigs with Rosie recently. Yeah, they鈥檝e been very interesting.聽
ROSIE -聽Well, one time I stood up, I鈥檓 very sorry. [Laughter]
SIMON -Okay, let鈥檚 move on, let鈥檚 move on. Last but certainly not least, our final contestant is the Paralympian known as Hurricane Hannah, who has won more gold medals and broken more world records than I鈥檝e had hot dinners. Welcome Hannah Cockcroft. I imagine that as an athlete this year鈥檚 been a very strange one to you. So what do sporty types do during a global pandemic?
HANNAH -Just keep going. Just keep training. It has been a very strange year, not being at the track every day or in the gym, but I haven鈥檛 stopped, I鈥檝e still been in my chair. I鈥檝e just had to be very creative with how I鈥檝e done the training, and it actually turned out all right. I became British Champion for the first time, I broke four world records in four hours. I鈥檝e had quite a decent year to say I鈥檝e been stuck in the garage. [Laughs]
MAT -Well, how do you bust four world records in a garage?
HANNAH -Ah, so that was, we actually had one track meet this year. We had two track meets, one was the British Championships and one was in Stoke Mandeville, so I did that there, but yeah, the rest of the time I鈥檝e just been training in my garage. So maybe that鈥檚 what I need to do, maybe I need to avoid tracks altogether, and gyms, and just sit in my garage. Maybe that鈥檚 how it鈥檚 done.
SIMON -You can keep your motivation going, even knowing that all the big championships were postponed?
HANNAH -Yeah, that was a different story. [Laughs] Yeah, motivation鈥檚 not been as easy, I鈥檓 lucky to live with my boyfriend who鈥檚 also a Paralympian, so we kind of guilt tripped each other into training every day. So, you know, if he went training I鈥檇 feel really bad and feel like I had to get mine done, or vice versa. I think without that this year could have been a very, very different story.
KATE -聽Yeah, there was no training going on in my house. The only motivation me and my wife gave each other was, 鈥淪hall we have another chocolate?鈥� 鈥淵eah, go on then, yeah.鈥�
SIMON -Hannah, you鈥檝e just said you鈥檝e broken world records, you鈥檝e won gold in 2012 and 2016, so are you feeling competitive today?
HANNAH -I am, but I鈥檓 slightly worried that I鈥檓 not going to know the answers, so let鈥檚 see how this goes.聽
KATE -聽Okay, let鈥檚 crack on with the quiz. There鈥檚 three rounds, 15 points up for grabs, but the adjudicator will have an additional five marks she can award for particularly creative or funny answers.聽
KATE -聽So, it鈥檚 time for round one, the quick fire round, featuring all the best disability news of 2020. Is everybody ready?
MAT -[Sings] You bet your life we are.聽
HANNAH -Let鈥檚 go.
KATE -聽Okay. So, we鈥檙e starting off with one that I feel like you should be evicted from the disability club if you do not know the answer to this.
HANNAH -Oh, no.
KATE -聽So鈥�
SIMON -Do they just shout answers? How鈥�? They haven鈥檛 got a buzzer or anything.聽
MAT -I was looking for my bell. Where鈥檚 my arsehole bell?聽
SIMON -Your arsehole bell?
MAT -Yeah, we have a bell. Me and my wife, Julie, when tensions get too much, as they have been wont to do amongst couples during lockdown, right guys?
KATE -聽Yeah.
MAT -Well, before it goes, 鈥淚 can鈥檛 take this anymore!鈥� you know, before you do that bit, you go ding-a-ling-a-ling which is an announcement, you are being an arsehole. And somehow it sort of breaks the really bad vibe and we start laughing about it and disaster is often averted. However, I can鈥檛 find my arsehole bell.聽
ROSIE -聽What if we say our name?聽
HANNAH -That makes more sense. That鈥檚 too sensible.
KATE -聽Okay, what鈥檚 everyone going to say if they know the answer? We鈥檙e doing this over Zoom for the first time, so we have no idea what we鈥檙e doing. So right, Mat, let鈥檚 hear you?
MAT -Mat Fraser.
KATE -聽Hannah?
HANNAH -Hannah Cockcroft.聽
KATE -聽Rosie?
ROSIE -聽Rosie! [Laughter]
KATE -聽Excellent.聽
SIMON -You were so ready for that.聽
KATE -聽Okay, so question number one. Which civil rights law turned 25 this year?聽
ROSIE -聽Rosie.聽
SIMON -Rosie Jones.聽
ROSIE -聽聽Its nickname is Alf鈥檚 Act, but it鈥檚 the Disability Discrimination Act.聽
KATE -聽Very good, Rosie Jones.聽
SIMON -And the Alf bit being Alf Morris, who was one of the proponents?
ROSIE -聽Yeah. I thought I鈥檇 add that in, in the hope of getting a bonus point. Can you tell I鈥檓 competitive?聽
MAT -Right, got your number.聽
SIMON -Nice job. Okay, well done, Rosie, first point. It鈥檚 still up for grabs everybody. The Power Snow Sports Championships 鈥� Hannah 鈥� have been postponed to 2022 amid the COVID-19 pandemic, but where will they now take place?
MAT -Mat Fraser.
SIMON - Mat?
MAT -Siberia.聽
SIMON -Really close, but no.聽
KATE -聽And not that close. Also no.聽
SIMON -Scandinavian countries, everybody.
ROSIE -聽Rosie.
SIMON -Rosie Jones?
ROSIE -聽Norway.
SIMON -Congratulations.聽
HANNAH -Ah!
KATE -聽Oh! I can tell that was a total shot in the dark. Question number three, which is a sore point for me, I鈥檓 just going to put that out there, and I鈥檓 going to tell you for why. Because the Ouch team had a pact between ourselves that we鈥檇 all nominate each other for the Disability Power List 100 this year. Somebody did stick to the pact. Somebody did not stick to the pact. [Laughs] And therefore one of the hosts of the Ouch podcast got nominated on the Disability Power 100 and the other person did not. Simon, did you get nominated on the Disability Power 100 this year?
SIMON -Is鈥� Is this the question?
MAT -Simon.聽
KATE -聽That鈥檚 the question.聽
ROSIE -聽Rosie.
MAT -Mat Fraser.聽
ROSIE -聽Yes. [Laughter]
KATE -聽Just airing our dirty laundry in public there.
SIMON -I can鈥檛 believe you didn鈥檛 make it, Kate. You deserve it. I do remember last year us all sitting around pretty miserable that no one had got anywhere near the list, yeah. So yeah.
KATE -聽Sorry, right. So the question, after all that, the question is who was named number one on the Disability Power 100 in 2020.聽
HANNAH -Hannah Cockcroft.聽
SIMON -Hannah Cockcroft?
HANNAH -Nikki Fox.聽
SIMON -Yay!
KATE -聽Correct. She did, our very own Nikki Fox.聽
HANNAH -Right, I鈥檓 in the game now. Right, I just needed one just to get going and now I鈥檓 all right.聽
SIMON -Okay, let鈥檚 make a pact now, we will all nominate each other.
KATE -聽Don鈥檛 listen to him!聽
SIMON -Come on everybody.聽
HANNAH -He just wants all the nominations. I鈥檝e worked him out. It鈥檚 right.聽
KATE -聽Yeah. Yes, he does. He鈥檚 all talk, that one over there.聽
SIMON -Nikki Fox, 鲍鱼tv correspondent, came in at number one, and well done, Nikki, is what I say. In June Ellie Goldstein, an 18 year old from Essex who has Down鈥檚 syndrome, modelled for Gucci, and became one of the company鈥檚 most聽popular ever photos on Instagram. So, this is the nearest. How many people liked the picture?
MAT -Mat Fraser.
SIMON -Mat Fraser?
MAT -Two and a half million.
SIMON -Bit high. Bit lower, is the answer.聽
MAT -Four. [Laughter]
SIMON -No, it鈥檚 a bit more than that.聽
MAT -I鈥檓 backing out.聽
ROSIE -聽Rosie.
SIMON -Go, you鈥檝e got a free run.
ROSIE -聽1.2 million.聽
SIMON -Okay. Closer. Hannah?
KATE -聽A bit closer.
HANNAH -Hannah Cockcroft. 1.9 million.
KATE -聽I think Rosie gets the point there for being the closest.聽
SIMON -She does.
HANNAH -What was the answer?
KATE -聽It was actually 863,000 people.聽
SIMON -I鈥檝e got a serious question. Do you think this is a turning point? Doing all the representation stuff, we鈥檝e got Ellie being in fashion, is it changing? Is it moving? Is this a good time?
MAT -Yeah.
ROSIE -聽Yeah. Yeah. I think it is, but slowly. I can only speak from my point of view as a comedian. When I started five years ago you barely saw any disability in comedy on TV and we鈥檙e getting there now. We鈥檝e got disabled people on telly, in magazines, winning awards. So we鈥檙e getting there, but when you think one in five people have a disability that isn鈥檛 represented not nearly enough. So yeah, it鈥檚 good, we鈥檙e getting better, but we鈥檙e not there yet.聽
MAT -Yeah, and 1.2 million was exactly the budget of the feature length film that I had the lead in with Lisa Hammond in 2003 for 鲍鱼tv Films, called 鈥楨very Time You Look At Me鈥�. And since then there has not been anything like it. So on the one hand everything Rosie says is completely true and we do see disabled people and hear disabled people shot through our media in factual, light entertainment, drama, comedy, whatever, a lot more than there was, but it鈥檚 still nowhere near representative. It is getting better, but we鈥檙e on the precipice of being able to take the reins of control of our own portrayal and perception, and that鈥檚 when the real cultural shift will change.
KATE -聽The change is definitely gradual, but I think people are getting committed to it at least and stuff like 鈥楥ripTales鈥� which, Mat, was incredible, like you have to be super proud of that. It鈥檚 insane that it鈥檚 not been on 鲍鱼tv One yet, so the Controller of 鲍鱼tv One鈥�
MAT -You can pull a few strings, Kate and Simon?
KATE -聽Yeah, yeah, I鈥檒l get it sorted out, yeah. I鈥檒l go and have a chat with them, yes.
MAT -It was the best thing I鈥檝e ever done in my life, on many levels. I mean, if anybody doesn鈥檛 know what 鈥楥ripTales鈥� is it was a series of six 15 minute monologues, filmed in beautiful 鲍鱼tv high quality drama vibes. All six writers were disabled, the directors were disabled, all the actors were disabled. It was completely authoritative and authentic. And that bled from the work, you could see it. And I don鈥檛 think anybody watching that will ever go, 鈥淥h, can we go back to having non disabled people write for actors who are pretending to look disabled please? I liked it better when it was like that.鈥�
KATE -聽Yeah. We鈥檙e getting a bit serious for the Christmas quiz I feel, I feel like we need to bring it back. Question number five is which popstar recently caused a furore with the release of the trailer for her new film, 鈥楳usic鈥�, which鈥�?
ROSIE -聽Rosie.
KATE -聽Ah, I didn鈥檛 even need to finish the question. You鈥檝e got to wait for the question to end, okay?
MAT -She is a very dishonest cheater, that鈥檚 quite apparent.
ROSIE -聽I鈥檓 hungry for it. Sorry.
HANNAH -I鈥檓 just hungry.聽
KATE -聽So what鈥檚 the answer, Rosie?
ROSIE -聽Sia.聽
KATE -聽And why are we all cross about it?聽
ROSIE -聽Non disabled actors should not still be playing disabled characters in 2020. We鈥檙e better than that. It鈥檚 frankly offensive and archaic and it makes me so angry I want to punch a wall.聽
MAT -You know what? You know what鈥檚 really nice? I don鈥檛 have to say that stuff anymore, because I have been saying it for 25 years, and now, thankfully, Rosie, younger people are saying it. Because they鈥檙e quite rightly outraged that it鈥檚 still going on.聽
HANNAH -Yeah, I actually love Sia but yeah, I鈥檓 disappointed.聽
KATE -聽Same.
HANNAH -I saw it, and I couldn鈥檛 believe鈥� I more was disappointed. Obviously I鈥檓 disappointed by the film, but I was more disappointed by her reaction, you know, when everyone came out and said what they had to say, she just鈥� You have to take criticism on board at some point and realise that the world is trying to change and you鈥檙e pulling it backwards. And she just didn鈥檛 want to accept that.
SIMON -Okay, carry on the quiz, round two. The second round is a game of Christmas dilemmas, with a disability twist obviously. This one is a regular feature of the Ouch Christmas quiz. We鈥檙e going to come to one of you and then you can reply and then we鈥檒l open it up to the rest of you if that鈥檚 okay. So no more shouting names. Hannah, it鈥檚 the work Christmas party which somehow has been allowed to take place in your local pub. One very unlikely couple have ignored the social distancing rules and have been getting increasingly amorous all evening, to everyone鈥檚 horror and amusement. You soon realise you鈥檙e dying for a wee, but as you make your way to the only accessible loo the excited couple jostles past you and locks themselves in. What do you do?
HANNAH -Well, I think I would start by just constantly knocking on the door, you know, banging on it, making them feel very awkward that I know that they鈥檙e in there and that they shouldn鈥檛 be in there. If that doesn鈥檛 work鈥� I don鈥檛 know, maybe we go as far as picking the lock, just expose them to everyone. Why not? Nothing annoys me more than when an able-bodied person just wanders out and then they put on like this, little, fake limp, or they kind of just look embarrassed and, like, run past you and I鈥檓 like, cool, okay that鈥檚 kind of rude. But yes, I鈥檇 just embarrass them to a point that they would have to leave the toilet, that鈥檚 where I鈥檇 get to.
SIMON -I like your lockpicking skills, that should be a joy. Rosie, what would you do?
ROSIE -聽Yeah, I would up their guilt, so I would actually let everyone know what they were doing, so that when they come out everyone boos them. Boo. Get away!
KATE -聽Mat?
MAT -Yes, yes, yes, I have to agree with Rosie. I mean, I would do something very similar. Although I鈥檝e got an awful confession to make. I once was one of those people in the toilet.聽
KATE -聽Oh, why did that not surprise me?
ROSIE -聽Oh!
MAT -And I鈥檒l tell you this, Hannah, the knocking started. I didn鈥檛 know who it was, but I just knew that the person was going to be in a wheelchair, obviously. And do you know what we did? We were so embarrassed that we just stayed there until the noise went away, and then waited another five minutes and then gingerly looked out and when the coast was clear, ran. And I feel so bad about that, but I feel I should admit it.
HANNAH -So you should.
MAT -It was in the 鈥�90s, but that doesn鈥檛 make it any better. God, I feel awful.
HANNAH -Disappointed.
ROSIE -聽I feel like I鈥檓 missing out.
KATE -聽Put it on the bucket list, Rosie.聽
HANNAH -I don鈥檛 feel like you are, it鈥檚 a bit gross.
MAT -It is. It鈥檚 not ideal.
HANNAH -It鈥檚 a toilet, come on!
KATE -聽Mat, now, listen to me. You鈥檙e also at this party, this party that鈥檚 not happening, and meet the friend of a friend for the very first time, but they clearly feel very awkward around you. Who doesn鈥檛? They won鈥檛 make eye contact and they keep addressing the person standing next to you in response to your questions, so what do you do?
MAT -So I would, I suppose, look on it as, like, not funny, but what I would probably do is try to engage them subtly in conversation by saying, you know, 鈥� I do respond to direct address,鈥� or something like that, you know, sarcastic but gentle.
KATE -聽Look at you growing up.
MAT -I know, what鈥檚 wrong with me? I should stab him in the throat.聽
KATE -聽Rosie, has this happened to you?
ROSIE -聽Every bloody day, and you know what I do now? I walk away, 鈥榗os they鈥檙e not worth it. Like, if you don鈥檛 want to talk to me it鈥檚 your loss, and basically I鈥檓 a big deal so you should be bloody lucky to be talking to me.聽
KATE -聽Damn straight.聽
ROSIE -聽Yeah. If you鈥檙e not recognising that I鈥檓 buggering off.聽
KATE -聽Good for you.
SIMON -I do want to check. Hannah, they鈥檙e ignoring you, what would you do?
HANNAH -I don鈥檛 know, I don鈥檛 get ignored that often because I just talk at people until they respond. So that鈥檚 probably what I鈥檇 just continue to do. If they asked my friend a question I鈥檇 answer for them, which is what I do anyway, so just keep being myself and if they鈥� You know, like Rosie says, if they keep ignoring you just go away.
SIMON -Let鈥檚 carry on with our hypotheticals, because of course we know this would never happen. Now for you, Rosie. So let鈥檚 just say you spent the pandemic shielding, but you鈥檙e a good friend so you鈥檝e chosen to bubble with someone who lives alone so you can keep each other company over the festive period. Your bubble mate really wanted to go to their office Christmas party and as they promised to maintain social distancing you鈥檇 said, 鈥淵eah, sure.鈥� It鈥檚 nearly midnight, you鈥檙e in bed, been eating mince pies with the 鈥楳iranda鈥� Christmas special playing and then you hear the stumbling into the flat, and they鈥檙e not alone. You can hear some snogging noises and some muffled giggling before your friend鈥檚 bedroom door shuts. What are you going to do? Are you angry?聽
ROSIE -聽This makes me torn, because as a friend it would be my instinct to go, 鈥淕et in there, go on lad, do it for the team.鈥� So I think it鈥檚 been an awful year, so let them have the sex. Let them enjoy the sex. And then the morning after just make them feel so, so guilty that they buy you presents and takeaways for the whole of 2021.聽
SIMON -That seems perfectly reasonable. Hannah, do you let them get away with it?
HANNAH -I mean, you鈥檝e let them go, you can鈥檛 do anything else. I like Rosie鈥檚 plan, I like the sound of presents and takeaways, why not? A bit of guilt tripping.
SIMON -I鈥檓 nervous of asking you, Mat, but you know鈥� What would you do?
MAT -Well, I would get my gaffa tape, industrial strength gaffa tape, I鈥檇 stand outside the room and say, 鈥淭hat had better bloody well be either your mother or your child, because otherwise there can鈥檛 be any reason why you would have somebody in your room. And if it isn鈥檛 either your mother or child I鈥檓 taping the door shut for the next two weeks.鈥� But then it鈥檚 been a while since I shared a flat with anyone. I don鈥檛 know if that would seem unreasonable or not.
KATE -聽Perfectly reasonable I say. Has anyone had to shield this pandemic? Any of you guys, have you had to do it?
HANNAH -Nope.
KATE -聽We鈥檝e been shielding because my wife is in the extremely clinically vulnerable group, so we鈥檝e had a lot of time indoors this year. And I think, as somebody who has gone through the kind of shielding thing, if somebody came into my house and they鈥檇 brought somebody with them I would have been out there like a shot, shouting at them, and saying, 鈥淕et off the sofa, get out of my house, and off you go.鈥�
SIMON -Kate, you did a diary, what was it, Cabin Fever, all the way through your lockdown?
KATE -聽Yeah, the Isolation Diaries.聽
SIMON -Do you go back and listen? Do you go back and listen to that and think, oh my goodness?
KATE -聽I don鈥檛 think I could listen to it at the moment, it鈥檚 too difficult to listen to because the period has been so hard. And, you know, just again getting serious, the whole Christmas thing is very scary for a lot of people in the vulnerable group because people are going to mix, you know, it鈥檚 difficult. And I just look to January and think it鈥檚 going to be awful for all of us again. And we can鈥檛 mix at Christmas with anybody, we鈥檙e not going to be doing anything. So, yeah.聽
SIMON -聽Do your children, do they know it鈥檚 Christmas time at all?
KATE -聽聽[Laughs]
MAT -聽Here鈥檚 to you. Raise a glass to everyone.
KATE -聽聽No, because I鈥檝e told them Father Christmas is not allowed in the house because he hasn鈥檛 been shielding. He鈥檒l be鈥�
SIMON -聽He鈥檚 a super spreader.
KATE -聽聽He鈥檚 a super spreader. He鈥檚 going in all the houses. So no, he鈥檚 not allowed in our house this year.聽
HANNAH -聽Wow.
SIMON -聽And just, we wanted to clarify, I鈥檓 pretty certain that, I鈥檝e heard the Prime Minister and people say that Father Christmas, Santa Claus is coming. He鈥檚 so careful. He鈥檚 very clever how he does it. So don鈥檛 worry.聽
MAT -聽Just leave a little bit of sanitiser at the bottom of the chimney, should be all right.
KATE -聽聽Also, I just want to cry. I鈥檝e just got a text, I just feel a bit funny, sorry.聽
SIMON -聽Oh, Kate, what鈥檚 up?聽
KATE -聽聽I just got a text from Holly saying that she鈥檚 just at hospital and she鈥檚 saying that she鈥檚 going to get the vaccine in the next couple of weeks.聽
SIMON -聽Oh, it鈥檚 good news?
HANNAH -聽Oh!
KATE -聽聽Yeah. Sorry everyone.聽
ROSIE -聽聽No!
MAT -聽It鈥檚 all right. You cry with relief, we鈥檒l all go hurray!
ROSIE -聽聽Hurray!
MAT -聽Oh my God, it鈥檚 a real non Christian, Christmas miracle, because there is no god.聽
SIMON -聽Your children will get to enjoy Christmas after all.
ROSIE -聽聽Maybe Santa can come in the house after all.聽
MAT -聽That鈥檚 really cool, and it happened live.
KATE -聽聽Yeah. [Laughs]
SIMON -And I鈥檝e just got a text from my mum. She鈥檚 got a problem with the computer. [Laughter] Round three. A British soap caused controversy and an online backlash with a storyline in which a couple decided to terminate their pregnancy after being told their unborn child had Down鈥檚 syndrome. What was the TV show?
HANNAH -聽I鈥檓 going to guess.聽
SIMON -聽Go, Hannah.
HANNAH -聽It鈥檚 one of three isn鈥檛 it? So was it 鈥楨astEnders鈥�?
KATE -聽聽No.
HANNAH -聽鈥楥oronation Street鈥�?
KATE -聽聽No.
ROSIE -聽聽Rosie!
SIMON -聽Rosie?
ROSIE -聽聽Was it 鈥楨mmerdale鈥�?聽
HANNAH -聽You picked the only one I didn鈥檛 say. That鈥檚 cheating!
SIMON -聽It was鈥� Did nobody even watch or follow this? So we don鈥檛 really have much to say really?
MAT -聽Yeah, I followed it. I didn鈥檛 watch it, I wouldn鈥檛 watch that rubbish.聽
HANNAH -聽I followed it online.聽
MAT -聽But no, rubbish story, outmoded, ridiculous, and they should know better because it鈥檚 not as if鈥� Look, listen. If there were a gazillion other portrayals of situations to do with deciding a Down鈥檚 syndrome, we had a smorgasbord of opportunity and options, then perhaps that storyline might be okay. But given the dearth of any subject, the first time it鈥檚 properly discussed in a soap should be that decision is just not on.
KATE -聽聽What the writers are saying is that they are portraying what happened to鈥� the decision that鈥檚 made by 90%, 95% of people who get these results, and therefore they鈥檙e showing what the vast majority of people do I guess, is their defence.聽
SIMON -聽Thanks, there鈥檚 a bit of clarity there. I think 鈥楨astEnders鈥� did this years ago didn鈥檛 they? They had a baby with Down鈥檚 syndrome. But Mat鈥檚 point is yeah, it鈥檚 the only one we get which is the problem.
HANNAH -聽Yeah.聽
MAT -聽Yes, that鈥檚 my real objection to it, it鈥檚 the setting in which they made that decision.
KATE -聽聽I know.
ROSIE -聽聽Simon, in 鈥楨astEnders鈥� they had their dilemma but they kept the baby and actually Janet, I think she鈥檚 about 14 now and she鈥檚 still in the show.聽
SIMON -聽Are you saying there鈥檚 too many people with Down鈥檚 syndrome on TV now?聽
ROSIE -聽聽I鈥檓 not saying that.聽
KATE -聽聽So, in January 60 year old British woman, Mo O鈥橞rien, became the first deaf person on record to do鈥�? Just guess if you don鈥檛 know.聽聽
HANNAH -聽Climb a mountain.
KATE -聽聽What did you say, Hannah?
HANNAH -聽Climb a mountain.聽
KATE -聽聽Not too far away.
SIMON -聽Not bad though. Don鈥檛 worry about the deafness. It鈥檚 nothing to do with deafness.
ROSIE -聽聽Bungee jump.
SIMON -聽Oh! Not quite, but nearly.聽
HANNAH -聽Abseiling.聽
ROSIE -聽聽Sky dive.聽
HANNAH -聽Swim the ocean.聽
SIMON -聽Nearly, nearly. But instead of swimming, stay dry because鈥�
ROSIE -聽聽Row. Row the Channel.聽
MAT -聽Was she the first person to row from Britain to France?
SIMON -聽That鈥檚 good enough for me.聽
KATE -聽聽Close. Safe enough, Mat.
ROSIE -聽聽I said that!聽
MAT -聽They did want particular, Rosie.
ROSIE -聽聽I said row the Channel.
KATE -聽聽True. Rosie should get the point, just because you didn鈥檛 hear her properly, Simon. You ableist.
MAT -聽So ableist.
SIMON -聽It was the Atlantic.聽
KATE -聽聽Mo O鈥橞rien was actually the first deaf person to row an ocean by finishing a 3,000 mile journey across the Atlantic and she and her fellow crew members, including her daughter, landed on the Caribbean isle of Antigua 49 days after setting out from the Canary island of La Gomera. They were also the fastest female trio to complete the challenge and when asked how she felt after, Ms O鈥橞rien said she felt relieved. Which again, made you think she wasn鈥檛 enjoying it that much.聽
HANNAH -聽That鈥檚 what I鈥檇 say after a race though. I would say I was relieved after a race, so鈥� You鈥檙e glad that your training paid off and you did what you set out to do. You鈥檙e relieved.聽
SIMON -聽All the points to Hannah, well done. Right, number four. Last month Hollywood actress, Anne Hathaway, apologised for the portrayal of limb difference in her latest film. What was the name of the film?
ROSIE -聽聽鈥楾he Witches鈥�.
MAT -聽[Clears throat] Mat Fraser.聽
SIMON -聽Oh, Mat Fraser?
KATE -聽聽Sticking to the rules, Mat Fraser.
MAT -聽Sorry, I thought you were meant to say your name, Rosie, or are you just jumping鈥�?
ROSIE -聽聽Oh, Rosie.
MAT -聽No, no, full cheating now. Full cheating.聽
SIMON -聽Hannah, do you know the answer?聽
HANNAH -聽Hannah Cockcroft. I feel like I can鈥檛 steal this though. So I鈥檓 going to hand this over. Mat Fraser, what is the answer?
KATE -聽聽Oh, you鈥檙e going to hand it over are you, Hannah?
MAT -聽I鈥檓 writing it on my flipper.聽
SIMON -聽Very sporting, Hannah.聽
MAT -聽No, I think it鈥檚 actually for Hannah to say, because鈥�
SIMON -聽Can someone just give us an answer. Please.聽
HANNAH -聽It鈥檚 鈥楾he Witches鈥�.聽
SIMON -聽Yes, it is.
KATE -聽聽And Rosie had already said it as well, and Simon is just ignoring her for the second time. [Laughs]
ROSIE -聽聽Honestly. Honestly, I literally said that.聽
SIMON -聽Ah, but you didn鈥檛 say your name first, Rosie, that鈥檚 why I went to Mat.聽
ROSIE -聽聽I said 鈥楾he Witches鈥�. Rosie, 鈥楾he Witches鈥�, and you said, 鈥淗annah?鈥� [Laughter]
HANNAH -聽He鈥檚 got favourites, just deal with it.聽
SIMON -聽If you don鈥檛 know the story it鈥檚 a new adaptation of Roald Dahl鈥檚 1983 book, 鈥楾he Witches鈥� and they鈥檙e revealed to have three elongated fingers on each hand and toeless feet. Comedian Alex Brooker and others with hand impairments have accused the film of being insensitive towards disabled people.聽
KATE -聽聽So, Paralympic and world champion Boccia player, David Smith, made headlines earlier this year when he claimed the Welsh NHS lost his what while it was in for repair.
HANNAH -聽Oh, Hannah Cockcroft. Wheelchair.聽
SIMON -聽Wow, straight in.聽
HANNAH -聽She鈥檚 on fire!聽
KATE -聽聽That is correct. His 拢7,500 wheelchair was in for repair and he says that it got lost in the hospital. Mr Smith, who has cerebral palsy, said he鈥檇 have to wait eight weeks for an assessment for a new wheelchair. The local health board has apologised and will undertake an investigation. I mean, that is a nightmare scenario isn鈥檛 it, losing your wheelchair?聽
HANNAH -聽It鈥檚 mad. How would you lose something that big and that important? Number one, how long鈥檚 it going to take to do an investigation into this, because that is adding to the amount of time that he hasn鈥檛 got a wheelchair. Number two, obviously as a wheelchair user myself, like, I鈥檓 lucky, I can walk a little bit. My boyfriend鈥檚 actually putting his wheelchair in this afternoon for a bit of work on it and they said, 鈥淥h, it鈥檒l take about a week to do the work.鈥� How many people actually have a spare wheelchair? Like, he鈥檚 going to use mine for the next week. The work that he鈥檚 having done we kind of expected they鈥檇 do in the day because the wheelchair is his legs, he can鈥檛 weight bear at all. I just sometimes think, well it was definitely able bodied people that lost David鈥檚 wheelchair and it鈥檚 definitely able bodied people that are taking my boyfriend鈥檚 chair away for a week because they just don鈥檛 understand how reliant we are on it. That鈥檚 like saying, right, 鈥淲e鈥檙e going to chop your legs off for a week, you can have them back later,鈥� it鈥檚 the exact same thing and they just don鈥檛鈥� It blows my mind that we are in 2020 and people still don鈥檛 understand that.
SIMON -Do they not have courtesy wheelchairs? You put your car in for a service and then you get a courtesy car. Or is that just your chair fits you?
HANNAH -Yeah, that鈥檚 the thing, like, your chair is made to fit you so like I say, my boyfriend鈥檚 going to use my wheelchair, it鈥檚 by no means ideal, we鈥檙e going to have to almost isolate because he could hurt himself using my chair. It鈥檚 not made up for his balance points, it鈥檚 not made for his size, it鈥檚 not made for his shape. Yeah, your wheelchair鈥檚 just an extension of your body really and it鈥檚 very personalised.聽
SIMON -I have empathy with the scooter, but I鈥檓 just wondering, shall we speak a bit more about Boccia? Has anyone else won medals in Boccia? Anyone else?
KATE -聽Oh, just you, Simon.聽
SIMON -Boccia鈥檚 got a lot of risk in it. I know that from my own games.聽
KATE -聽Your own gold medal winning games.
SIMON -Well, you鈥檙e asking me, Kate, thanks very much. I didn鈥檛 actually get a gold, it was a silver and a bronze, but鈥�
MAT -[Musical box sound and singing] Christmas time again, Christmas time again. What a lot of fun we have on Ouch. Oh yes we do.聽
HANNAH -What鈥檚 going on? [Laughter]
SIMON -The new Ouch jingle.
MAT -I just improv-ed over the alarm on my phone that I forgot to turn off. Sorry.聽
HANNAH -I enjoyed that. You should release a Christmas single.聽
KATE -聽Right well, thank you for that.
SIMON -I don鈥檛 know if you鈥檙e interested but that actually is the end of the Ouch 2020 Christmas quiz.聽
HANNAH -Ah!
SIMON -I assume we want to know鈥� All of our guests are shaking very happily except for Hannah who鈥檚 being just cool.聽
KATE -聽Adjudicator, Keiligh, who won?
KEILIGH -So in third place, drum roll, we have鈥� Thank you, thank you, Rosie, we had Mat Fraser.聽
SIMON -Well done, Mat.聽
KEILIGH -In second place, we have Hannah Cockcroft.聽
HANNAH -Oh, so close.
KEILIGH -Which means in first place we have Rosie Jones.
ROSIE -聽Yes! Oh my God, this is the highlight of my year, which actually isn鈥檛 saying a lot.聽
SIMON -How do you feel, Mat? How do you feel coming in third?
MAT -Oh fine, par for the course. You know, that鈥檚 me, I鈥檝e got natural talent but never trying really hard enough to ever win.聽
KATE -聽Hannah, I don鈥檛 think you鈥檙e used to coming in second are you?
HANNAH -It鈥檚 not my favourite place to be, and I just feel like if Rosie hadn鈥檛 let me list all the soaps and then pick the last one鈥� And then just let me pick it. If she鈥檇 just let me finish my list, you know? But she just jumped in there, let me do the legwork and just jumped in with the answer. But it鈥檚 fine. I don鈥檛 mind a bit of team work, it鈥檚 all right, I鈥檓 not bitter.聽
ROSIE -聽No, sorry. I love you, Hannah, but I saw a weakness and I jumped.聽
MAT -Vicious.聽
HANNAH -I was running out of soaps to say, I was struggling a bit.聽
SIMON -If I do a Christmas quiz with my family I鈥檓 just going to shout out Rosie every four seconds because that鈥檚 what you鈥檙e supposed to do isn鈥檛 it? That鈥檚 how you get in there. Rosie!聽
KATE -聽Whether you know the answer or not, just get in there.聽
ROSIE -聽Rosie!
KATE -聽Right, well that鈥檚 it for this year. Thank you so much, Rosie, Mat and Hannah. It鈥檚 been an absolute joy and now鈥檚 the time for you to tell us what you鈥檙e going to be doing in 2021 which I hope is going to be a lot more than you鈥檝e done in 2020. Rosie, as the winner you get to go first, so what鈥檚 coming up for you next year?
ROSIE -聽A lot of exciting things. I鈥檝e got my own travel show on Channel Four, Friday nights.聽
KATE -聽Whay!
ROSIE -聽聽And that should be out in March and April. And my big news is I just filmed an episode of 鈥楥asualty鈥�, so that will be out in the new year. Honestly, it was a dream come true. So yes, hopefully more gigging and more acting and more having a good damn good time.聽
SIMON -Thank you, Rosie. That鈥檚 fabulous.
HANNAH -Here鈥檚 to that.
SIMON -Mat, that鈥檚 kind of a tough act to follow, but what鈥檚 your big news? What are you up to next year?
MAT -Well hopefully, although it鈥檚 a little confidential at the moment because I鈥檓 at pitch stage and I don鈥檛 want to jinx it by opening up too much about it, but it鈥檚 a follow on and a move upwards from 鈥楥ripTales鈥�. I鈥檓 really into the disabled written, directed and acted thing, it鈥檚 where I鈥檓 at at the moment and I鈥檓 going to try and push for that a bit more.聽
SIMON -Hannah. What are you up to next year?
HANNAH -I feel like mine鈥檚 quite obvious. Hopefully I鈥檒l be competing, going for gold at the Tokyo 2021 Paralympic Games. That鈥檚 the plan, if it goes ahead. So, fingers crossed.聽
KATE -聽Yes, Hannah. Yes!
ROSIE -聽Come on!
SIMON -That is it from us now. We will see you soon. Don鈥檛 forget to subscribe to the Ouch podcast on 鲍鱼tv Sounds where you will find hundreds more episodes. You can get in touch by emailing ouch@bbc.co.uk, and find us on Twitter and Facebook @bbcouch.聽
KATE -聽Merry Christmas everybody and have a great New Year. Thank you for joining us and we鈥檒l see you again in 2021. Merry Christmas everyone.
MAT -Happy Christmas.
HANNAH -Merry Christmas.聽
MAT -Merry Christmas [Musical box sound and singing] Christmas time again. What a lot of fun we have on Ouch. Oh yes we do.