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NATHALIE - I was in the spinal rehab unit and all of my friends were having the times of their lives. The time that I wasn’t at school plodding along it gave me the opportunity to think, right, well what do I really want? The morning that I went back to school I broke down in tears and I said to my mum, "What if I can’t do this?"

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BETH - Have you ever dreamed of becoming a racing driver? Natalie McGloin hadn’t either, but two weeks into her A levels in 2002 she broke her neck in a car crash and became tetraplegic, losing the full use of her arms and legs. On this episode of Cabin Fever, with me, Beth Rose, Nathalie says the rehab she went through as a teenager was similar to the lockdown we’re all experiencing now, and at a crucial time in her education.

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So, how did she manage to succeed when her schooling was turned upside down? And what happened to that A level student when she was discharged from hospital? If you’re waiting on exam results, or you’ve just received them and are wondering what to do now, this podcast is for you. It’s full of a load of tips and advice from Nathalie, who went from a school student to the only female tetraplegic racing driver in the world.

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BETH - Hi Nathalie, how are you doing?

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NATHALIE - I’m really good thanks. How are you?

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BETH - I’m okay. Having a racing driver on the podcast I’d normally ask how is the racing season going, but I guess that is on pause at the moment?

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NATHALIE - Yeah. So most racing drivers, they’ll tell you I think that the off season is always really long. November to March April, it’s been a long, long off season, and racing has started, behind closed doors obviously.

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BETH - At least that’s going in the right direction. So have you just been training?

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NATHALIE - I’m really fortunate that I’ve got a home gym, so I’m probably fitter than I have been for a long time, just trying to keep sharp. Racing’s all about precision and having mental strength and being confident. So trying to find different ways to engage those reactions. I’ve been doing weird things like trying to juggle, which I don’t have full hand function because of my disability, so when I say trying to juggle I’ve literally been throwing a bean bag from one hand to the other.

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beth - I guess… well, I am really guessing. A lot of it is mental agility, being aware of your surroundings. So is there any way that you can mimic that?

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NATHALIE – I struggled quite a lot with my second season. I’d had, like, a big crash, and one of my friends in America who’s also a wheelchair user, he said to me, "You need to be in control on the edge," so to be really in touch with fear, but comfortable in that situation. So he suggested that I tried back wheel balancing, so pulling wheelies with my eyes closed.

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BETH - Oh, wow!

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NATHALIE - Which is really unsettling, but it kind of replicates that fear and being comfortable with it.

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BETH - Doing a wheelie backwards, how on earth do you even manage it?

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NATHALIE - It is really unsettling. I really struggled to get one off the floor. It’s easier once I’m in the wheelie position and then close my eyes, but again I lose where I am and have to open my eyes and I’m like, whoa!

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BETH - And tell me about the sort of race leagues that you’re in. I’m probably not using the right terminology, I can only apologise for that.

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NATHALIE - So I do what’s called sprint racing, so 25 to 40 minute races. I race in 750 Motor Club and I actually race in that with my partner, so I start the race and then when the pit window opens I come in, he gets in and he finishes the race. I race in CSCC, which is Classic Sports Car Club, but I’ve also got a fantastic opportunity this year to race in the Porsche Motorsport Sprint Series. But I’m racing a Cayman GT4 as part of a team which is a massive step up from my own race car. It’s faster, it’s lighter, it’s more refined, it’s more focused, and I’m doing two rounds with them this year, so one will be at Brands Hatch in September and the other one will be at Silverstone in November. I’m really looking forward to that.

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BETH - Your racing competitors are able bodied, and I imagine, quite a lot of men as well?

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nathalie - Yeah, so in the Porsche Club Championship I’ve never raced against a woman. I have raced against women in endurance races, but we make up such a small percentage, and as far as disabled drivers, we make up an even smaller percentage. Funnily enough, there was another paraplegic that used to race in Porsche Club Championship with me, that was cool, but I don’t know of any other disabled women who race.

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beth - It’s good to be the pioneer.

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NATHALIE - Yeah, it’s really good. The reason that I fell in love with the sport is that we don’t have any barriers or any sub categories for disabled drivers or for female drivers. Motorsport is about your skill and your determination, and gender and disability don’t make a difference. How the car’s set up with technology and adaptations allow disabled people to compete.

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BETH - What are the adaptations in your car?

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NATHALIE - I race with hand controls, so I have a lever to the right hand side of my steering wheel which operates the brake and accelerator, and it’s just like a series of rods attached to the pedals. The pedals still work, so when my boyfriend races with me he uses the pedals. So it’s a push forward to brake, push down to accelerate mechanism. I have lighter steering because I’m only driving with one hand, and aside from that it’s a normal race car.

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BETH - It sounds really impressive, and I think you’re the world’s only female tetraplegic racing and rally driver?

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NATHALIE - Yes.

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beth - Which is amazing. But going back, racing driving wasn’t even in your mind or thoughts. So you were a regular teenager - school, A levels - and then you had a life changing accident.

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nathalie - Yes, just a normal school day, two weeks into sixth form and we went to my best friend’s house during a free period, and on the way back to school just wrong place, wrong time, came over the brow of a hill, a car was turning into their driveway and we were involved in a car crash where we hit a tree. And I broke my neck on the impact, so like most spinal cord injuries you’re just unlucky. Would it have been a couple of minutes later it wouldn’t have happened but you can’t think like that, it’s just no one was driving dangerously, no one was doing anything wrong, it was just wrong place, wrong time.

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BETH - At 16 how do you even begin to process it?

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NATHALIE - I don’t remember the crash. I don’t remember being in casualty. I have really warped memories of being in intensive care because I guess I was on so many drugs that my memories of what happened were just hallucinations. So I don’t know when the memories are actually real, and it wasn’t because I was unconscious or anything, I think the mind has a way of protecting itself sometimes by just putting those memories somewhere where you can’t access them.

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I remember being in intensive care and not hallucinating, [laughs] and I don’t really remember lying there and thinking, oh my god, this is my life now, how am I going to cope? I guess I was quite ill, so I had a tracheostomy, my lung collapsed, I had some other complications, and it was just about getting through one stage of the recovery onto the next. I can remember just being focused on getting to the spinal rehab unit, and then once I was in the spinal unit it was about developing skills that could make me independent.

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The toughest thing for me was I was in the spinal rehab unit doing things that really weren’t fun and all of my friends were at school doing their A levels, having the times of their lives, and I felt like I was being left behind. That was really difficult for me to deal with because I was always focused on my social life as well as my academic life and I had a really good group of friends and I loved my life. I guess I was worried that I might lose that.

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beth - You’d just started A levels, so was there something that you were aiming to do?

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NATHALIE - Yes. I’d taken History, English and French, with the ambition of studying law, and when I had my accident I made a promise to myself that the accident wouldn’t prevent me from doing what I wanted to do in life. And at that point I wanted to go to university. My career vision changed. I don’t know whether it would have done anyway, it might have done, but I ended up doing the same A levels but with an ambition of studying English at university.

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I went to Nottingham University to study English after I’d got my A levels at school. Career wise I ended up becoming a professional athlete if you like, but I think that main focus of needing to prove that the accident wouldn’t stop me from doing what I wanted to do, and what I wanted to do was go to university and get my degree, and it didn’t. So I think that was really important for me to keep that promise that I’d made to myself.

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BETH - And how long were you in rehab and regaining your independence before you went back to school?

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NATHALIE - I was in hospital for 11 months and then I was literally discharged for two weeks before I went back to school.

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BETH - Wow.

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NATHALIE - That was a bit of a baptism of fire, getting independent and doing all of my rehab with the focus on being back to school, just the momentum kind of carried me, because I can remember the morning that I went back to school, I broke down in tears and I said to my mum, "What if I can’t do this?" and she just said, "If you can’t do this you come home, we figure something else out." And it was kind of like okay, let’s go and see what happens, and I went to school and as soon as I went back to school I knew that that’s what I needed to do and I wasn’t going to let anything stop me.

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BETH - So were you just a year behind at that point?

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nathalie - Yeah. When I went back it was literally the September, so the new school year. I dropped down into the year below. I tried to carry on my A levels whilst I was in the rehab unit but there was so much going on. I think even if I had tried to continue them I think that the lack of that interaction with my teachers and just doing it in a rehab unit, because it was 1999, it wasn’t like the situation is now with Zoom and all the rest of it, it would have been really tough and I think my grades would have massively suffered. So it was the right thing to do.

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BETH - Yes, it’s interesting that you touch upon that, because obviously the nation’s education has taken a very different turn, and for those 16 year olds, 18 year olds and older, all the exams have been stopped, and I imagine a lot of people are perhaps reflecting on what they were going to do, whether you want to go to university in September when who knows what it’s going to look like. Do you see some similarities in that?

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nathalie - Yeah, definitely. I think when I was in rehab it was my own lockdown. I was restricted in what I could do because of my dependence on other people and my strength and my health and all the rest of it. So I definitely see some similarities because I revaluated my strength. I would have always done my A levels regardless of if I’d broken my neck or not, but having had that life changing injury, and I guess this is a life changing situation that we’re in at the moment, potentially, I was able to channel some different strengths.

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And I think that time I had in rehab and the time that I wasn’t at school plodding along it gave me the opportunity to think right, well what do I really want? I really want to go and get my A levels because it would have been very easy for me to say well, I’ve broken my neck, I’m now a tetraplegic, I don’t need that. If it hadn’t have been something that I’d really wanted to do I would have just said I want to do something else. But that probably also changed my career outlook, or wanting to do a law degree, because I loved English.

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So I guess that channelled what I was really passionate about, because I had that time to think, I had that reflection of I don’t actually need to be guided by what I think I need to do, I just needed to be guided by my passion and my inner strengths. And I guess I was lucky in that respect but I got to reflect on that and really think about what was important to me.

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The kids and the young adults who are doing GCSEs, A levels, people who are thinking about going to university and whether to defer it or not, this time gives them a chance to actually reflect and think, what actually do I want to do? Who am I? What are my ambitions? And this time can get them to really think about what’s important to them. If there are any positives to draw out of certain situations it’s almost a positive that you get that push that makes you sit up and say is this actually who I am? Is this actually what I want? I guess there are a lot of people reassessing that at the moment aren’t there?

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beth - Yeah, and having that point of reflection is good. What was it like socially? Because I don’t know what your secondary school was like, but in mine the year nines wouldn’t be hanging out with the year eights.

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NATHALIE - Yeah, that was really tough. I think one of the things that I worried about the most was going down into the year below. I was really fortunate because I’d always been involved in after school drama activities where we did mix with the years below and the years above, so I had friends in the year below me and I was so lucky that when I did go into the year below I had so much support from people in my class. And I formed some really good relationships with people who really took me under their wing. And although my year was still at school for the first year it was really daunting to think that they would go to university a year ahead of me, which obviously had some emotion attached to it, because again, that feeling of being left behind. But also just that support of the people that I’d grown up around not being there anymore. But like I say, I was lucky that the friendships that I had in the year below were strong enough that I felt confident enough that that wouldn’t stop me from still carrying on and going on the journey towards getting my A levels that would lead me to university.

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BETH - And you did go to university, and still the racing driver aspect is a mystery. So you went to do English at Nottingham, so how on earth did you get from English to a racing driver?

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NATHALIE - When I first started university I joined a local wheelchair rugby team, and it was the first summer of university where I went to my first tournament and I really got into wheelchair rugby that I actually took my final year over two years because I was training to try and break into the Paralympic squad.

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BETH - Oh, wow.

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NATHALIE - That was massive for me as well because wheelchair rugby was the making of me because where my ambition had been go to university, make sure that my life went in the direction that I wanted it to, regardless of breaking my neck I’d neglected to make sure that I was in the best physical shape, so I was independent when I went to university but literally by the skin of my teeth. I could get by but life was difficult because I was reliant on equipment rather than physical strength and skills, so I needed my shower chair to get in the shower and I needed the bed to be a certain height. Getting in and out of cars, I couldn’t put my chair in. I didn’t learn to drive until, I think my second year at university, so being exposed to wheelchair rugby and all of the players who had similar levels of injury to me was massive because I went from being barely independent to fiercely independent in the space of a year.

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I honestly believe without rugby I wouldn’t be racing, but it was actually when I was on a tournament in Toulouse that I met someone who introduced me to track days. So when I was at university I had bought myself a sports car. I was fortunate that the accident wasn’t my fault and I was given a compensation pay out, so I’d bought myself a sports car and developed a passion for, I guess the freedom that cars give disabled people, that you can’t see someone’s wheelchair when they’re in their car.

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beth - I’m intrigued. What sports car did you get?

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nathalie - I bought a Porsche 911.

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BETH - Nice.

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nathalie - I had ambition to buy a Boxster and I went to have a look at the different cars to check that my chair would fit and check that the controls would work and that I could get in and out easily, and as I left the dealership I noticed that they had a different car there which was their 911 and I went to my wheelchair rugby team mate’s house the following day and I chatted to him about it and he just said, "Don’t be so ridiculous, the 911 is a driver’s car, you won’t be able to handle it."

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I just thought, I’ll show you. And then the moment that I got in that car and I felt that speed it just got me hooked. And someone who had never, ever had a passion for cars, never been exposed to racing, it was just an instant falling in love with something. I can remember the first journey I did outside my house in Nottingham and I was just like, this is something that I absolutely love.

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BETH - So I feel like there are two really crucial questions at this point. One, you were injured as a result of a car accident, and yet it’s cars you fall in love with. And two, what did your parents think?

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NATHALIE - I think because I was a passenger it doesn’t really have the same connotation as driving. The speed and the freedom that I felt in a car, driving it, having been reliant on people for absolutely everything for such a long period of time. If I was in taxis people would have to help me get in and out. If I was in a wheelchair accessible taxi then they would have to push me in. So I think that ability to jump into the driver’s seat, put my chair in the car and go wherever I wanted to go, that freedom was almost like a new lease of life. The emotion connected with that freedom is bigger than any emotion I had associated with how I broke my neck. That’s the answer to that question. I can’t remember what your second question was.

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BETH - What your parents thought.

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NATHALIE - When I bought my first car I don’t remember either of my parents being concerned. The motorsport thing, [laughs] slightly different. So I started doing track days and my dad thought it was cool. You know, anything I did after my accident he was really just encouraging and enthusiastic, so when I started doing track days he was just, wow. My mum, I don’t remember her being overly concerned when I started doing track days. When I said that I wanted to start racing she was just like, hmm. She was supportive, but I always knew that at the back of her mind she wasn’t really very comfortable with it.

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But I remember she came to see me race in my first season. I think once she saw me racing she was fine, which I don’t know if it meant because I was too slow. [laughter] When she said it was okay I was like, "Well, I want you to be scared. I want you to think that I’m really fast." From then on she was okay, but I do remember when I had my big crash in 2017 and I was on the way back from casualty I phoned her and I just had to say, "Mum, I’m okay but I have to tell you something." And she was quite upset about that.

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BETH - Was it a bad crash?

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NATHALIE - It wasn’t great. I’ve had a few small ones but this was a big one. At Brands Hatch there’s a straight before the first corner and you’re doing about 130 miles an hour, and when I hit the brakes I had a mechanical failure and the wheel bearing collapsed which meant that when I hit the brakes they locked up so I didn’t stop until I hit the wall at about 70.

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BETH - Oh, wow.

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NATHALIE - Fortunately, I hit the soft bags which absorbed quite a lot of the impact. I injured my shoulder, just because of the way that I had my hand on the steering wheel, trying to turn the wheel to get away from the wall. It wasn’t great. It could have been worse. But the biggest casualty of the accident was my confidence, which took a year to get back.

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BETH - Almost with the confidence thing, because you’ve broken your neck do you then become a little fearless?

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NATHALIE - Someone gave me that scenario when I was in rehab. I had a really hard time with transfers initially because I didn’t want to lean forward.

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BETH - So that’s getting from place to place.

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NATHALIE - So getting from bed to chair. And the whole technique around non trunk spinal injuries, so anyone whose paralysis is chest level, and she said to me, my physio, Natasha, who’s actually a really good friend of mine now, I said, "Oh, I can’t lean forward, I’m worried about falling on the floor," and she was like, "What’s going to happen? You’ve already broken your neck." And I don’t think I’ve ever had that fearless thing, because what if I break it higher up? Racing is actually really safe now compared to what it was in the ’70s and the ’60s and I think any racing driver will tell you that you’re not completely oblivious to the risk, but if you think about it you won’t go racing. So you have to kind of make your peace with it. You’re either comfortable with it or you’re not, and if you’re not, you don’t do it.

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BETH – Is racing as a sport, is it quite inclusive? I know you’re a rare driver in that you’re both a woman and disabled, but is it actually quite a welcoming sport?

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NATHALIE - It is. I went from a wheelchair sport where every one of my team mates and the people at rugby tournaments are mostly in wheelchairs, so going from that to racing cars where there are hardly any women, I was the only disabled person, I wasn’t nervous but in the back of my mind it was like, this is completely alien territory for me. But as soon as I turned up to the paddock no one treated me any differently, I was just another racing driver. And when I did my first race and people realised that my lap times were credible and that I could cut it no egg shells were trodden on. If I was on the track and one of the other drivers wanted to get past me they’d treat me like any other driver, which is the way it should be and I was really grateful for that because the last thing that I wanted was for anyone to treat me differently because I was either female or disabled.

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BETH - I wonder if part of it’s down to that competitiveness that real athletes have that they just want to win, they don’t care who they’re against.

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NATHALIE - Yeah, definitely. And I think that that’s one of the great things about motorsport, that it doesn’t matter, you’re just another driver and everyone wants to win.

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BETH - Is there a route in for other people if they fancy having a go?

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NATHALIE - Most disabled drivers will have a car that’s suitable for their wheelchair, not suitable for driving around Silverstone. So my partner and I actually set up a charity where we give novice drivers the opportunity to experience what I love. So Spinal Track is a charity that we offer track days and rally day experiences and we have dedicated cars that are set up with hand controls and left foot accelerators. So we try and cater for as many disabilities as possible and we give you your first experience driving a track car around Silverstone or a rally car around the rally stage at Turweston. So it’s really cool, and we get a lot of enjoyment out of running it and people that come on the days get a lot of enjoyment out of participating as well.

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BETH - Has anyone taken it up a bit more?

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NATHALIE - Yes. We had one guy who came on a track day and around six months later we went back to Silverstone and he was there and he was like, "After I did my Spinal Track day with you I bought myself a track car." We were so happy that we’d given him just the opportunity to experience something that then he’d developed as a passion of his own. That was a really nice moment in the history of what we’ve been doing.

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BETH - So I know you said racing is beginning again. What are the things that we need to be looking out for you?

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NATHALIE - Racing the Cayman GT4 is going to be massive, but also this season I’m racing with my partner in all of the races that I’m doing in my own Cayman. So that’s going to be cool because we’re going to be the first mixed gender interable couple.

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BETH - Wow.

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NATHALIE - So me being disabled and Andrew being able bodied is something that adds extra challenge because, like, getting out of the car isn’t as quick. I know I can get out of the car in seven seconds because I had to to get my license, but…

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BETH - That sounds very quick.

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NATHALIE - Yes, that’s throwing myself out of the car onto the floor, whereas doing it this way my mechanic actually pulls me out and Andrew has to get in and then all the adjustments that need to be made in the car before going off and stuff. But we like a challenge and it’s going to be fun to race together. That will be something that I’ll document on my social channels.

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BETH - And what are your social channels?

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NATHALIE - Nathalie McGloin on Twitter and Instagram. Nathalie McGloin Racing on Facebook and then Spinal Track on Instagram and Spinal_Track on Twitter and Facebook.

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BETH - Thanks so much to Nathalie for chatting on this episode of Cabin Fever, especially as racing and training is back on track. Hopefully, if you’re one of the many thousands to have big education questions to think about at the moment, or you’re deciding to do something new with your future, this might have given you some reassurance and food for thought. Good luck with those future plans. Don’t forget, we do love to hear from you. Keep in contact when you can. We are ±«Óãtv Ouch on Facebook, @bbcouch on Twitter and also you can email us. We are ouch@bbc.co.uk. Bye for now.