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In this episode of Afterlives: Martin and Zeena, two people brought up by single dads, examine the legacy of being abandoned by their mothers.

Martin Andrews was one when his mother left after an extra-marital affair and he was brought up by his father and three sisters. He doesn’t blame his mother, who never wanted a fourth child and went on to have the career she hoped for. However, visiting at weekends was toxic and he hasn’t now seen his mother for the last 25 years: half his life.

Zeena Moolla was eight when her alcoholic mother left her father, an Indian Muslim from South Africa, to look after the three children. She says her childhood started at that moment, although the painful memories don’t go away.

At one level they both celebrate their non-conventional ‘family,’ and both of them express deep love and gratitude for their dads who were there for them. Both also speak of the need to forgive and to move on: demonstrating to the modern world that all sorts of families are healthy if they are loving.

They see their fathers as pioneers, battling in the '70s against social norms (which still persist to some degree) and identify their role to talk about the particular challenges - and surprising gifts - of being abandoned by a mother.

They discuss the disservice it does to women when they are seen as the primary nurturers, and argue strongly for equal responsibility between male and female carers.

This is a disarmingly honest and frank conversation between two people who in the end agree, that - compared to their mothers - they had ‘the good deal’: the happy memories with their dads, and a bank of experiences to help them parent their own children and negotiate their own family relationships.

Overtone Production
Produced by Anna Scott-Brown