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Are you always apologising for being late? Research shows that 20% of the population find it hard to be punctual. But if you struggle with timekeeping – or someone else’s lateness is the problem - we’ve got some solutions.

In the latest instalment of our How To series, we discussed why some people are always late, and what we can do to become more punctual. Grace Pacie (not her real name) is the author of LATE! A Time-bender’s guide to why we are late and how we can change, while therapist and writer Philippa Perry is an expert timekeeper. Here they share their best advice…

“A time bender is actually somebody we all know very well,” says Grace. “They are the people who arrive last to any meeting or class, or the mums whose children have to run into school at the last minute. They're the people who don't want to be late, but they have a strange resistance to being early and they don't allow enough time. They are the ones that assume the lights will always be on green and the roads will be empty and they'll get there in the shortest time.”

“They've generally stretched the time somehow in their minds and just think there's time to do absolutely everything they’ve packed in,” adds Philippa Perry. “People have a horror of changing gears. You know you should go to bed, but you're still just flicking through your phone on the sofa and you can't be bothered to get up. Then when you're in bed you know you should get up, but you just think you'll have five more minutes. [It’s] about not wanting to stop what you're doing to do something else, because it feels like it takes a bit of effort.”

“The idea of lying about starting times is a slippery slope and actually it's the wrong thing to do, because it only makes us worse,” says Grace. “It'll work the first few times, but if you make a habit of it, because we need a real deadline, we’ll stop believing you and will assume you do it all the time.

“Time-benders have what I call a ‘demon deadline shaver’ in their heads, so as soon as they clock you lying about start times to them, they will start to factor that in and leave 10 mins later than you say. So the actual solution is the opposite.”

“They are a little like a plaster,” adds Philippa. “If you don't take a plaster off, you'll get gangrene underneath it. So it's a temporary mend, but it's not going to do anything permanently.”

“I have been a time bender all my life,” admits Grace. “I'm one of those people who tend to be busy right up to the last minute. There is a little demon in my brain that doesn't want me to be early. I am not good at measuring how long things take. I can be on time if it really matters, but it's the social events - the events without the deadlines that I tend to be late for.

“You have to make the deadline real and make it come with sanctions. So if you say, ‘We need to leave at 7.30am, you have to leave at 7.30am whether they are with you or not. If you say, ‘Dinner is at 8pm’, you need to start dinner at 8pm. It's cruel to be kind. Although they’ll be really upset that you didn't wait for them, the next time they will take the deadline seriously.

“We get very absorbed in what we’re doing, so setting a reminder on your phone 5 mins before a deadline could be helpful to jolt you out of that focus.”

“The only way to become a person who's slightly early for everything is not to try to be on time, but to decide to be on time,” says Philippa. “There's a big difference between deciding and trying. Because if you make the decision to be early, you have to leave half an hour earlier than you would if you were being your normal self. But if you try to be early, that’s not actually doing anything.”

“Time-benders may need to trick themselves into being on time,” adds Grace. “If you’re going to a regular event, try to give someone a lift because then your deadline is the time you’ve arranged to meet them, not the event itself. If you’re going to a big event, like a concert, wedding or funeral, try to put in a pre-event deadline. Meet people beforehand for a meal or a drink, or drop your car at someone’s house and share the last part of the journey with them.”

“There are many reasons why people are late, but underlying it all there is this fear of being early,” says Philippa. “The fear could be a fear of being conspicuous, a fear of standing out in a strange place and having no one to talk to, or feeling a bit alone and awkward. You just need to feel the fear and do it anyway. Be early anyway. You'll find that nothing terrible happens.”

“Focus on something you want to do before the event you don’t want to be late for,” says Grace. “Grabbing a latte and updating your social media is perfect for this. If you want to try to kick the adrenaline habit and live life at a slower pace, then use the time to practice meditation and mindfulness.

“The trick is to focus on the activity, and promise yourself a certain amount of time to do it. Tell yourself, ‘I need to get to my class by 7:45am so that I can catch up with Becky.’ That way you can get your adrenaline high by being late for your ‘pre-event activity’ rather than the event itself. Don’t tell yourself, ‘I’ll try to get to the class 15 mins early, to catch up with Becky.’ If you focus on the idea of being early, you’ll probably be late.”

Listen back to the full discussion with Grace Pacie and Philippa Perry on ±«Óãtv Sounds. Follow us on and @bbcwomanshour