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How do you raise your sons to be good men, who are respectful of women and believe girls should have the same rights and opportunities as they do? Consultant clinical psychologist Emma Citron, journalist Victoria Richards and Jordan Jones, volunteer at the Good Lad Initiative, shared their tips and experiences with Woman’s Hour.

1. Speak to your sons about gender stereotypes

“Chipping away at stereotypes from a young age is important,” says Emma Citron. “If any stereotypes or prejudices leak out, for example ‘boys are stronger than girls, and they climb the climbing frame and are so good at everything’, you can start to present other points of view. ‘You may not be noticing that girls are doing X or Y’ or ‘actually they are very good at maths’.”

For Jordan Jones, every moment is a learning opportunity for his two children, from watching a Disney movie to taking a bus together. He recently taught his daughter about mansplaining: “I said to her, ‘it’s quite interesting that that man interrupted that woman when she was speaking, and then said exactly what she was going to say’. And she’ll say in her 8-year-old brain, ‘yeah, actually that is quite weird that he’s just explaining it again, he didn’t have to explain it’. So now she has the [understanding] without me forcing it on her.” He says he’ll use the same approach with to his son too as he grows older.

2. Empower them to be their own person and show their emotions

Victoria Richards worries that her toddler son will face pressure to become “a man” as he grows older, which seems to mean not expressing emotions and treating women a certain way. She wants him to be comfortable with being emotional and be able to express himself however he likes. Her son recently chose to wear a pink and white checked bow hairband to nursery. “It’s not saying, ‘you have to wear this’ or ‘you can’t wear this’, but saying ‘you’re totally free to wear this if you want to’.”
Jordan agrees that he will let his son wear what he wants, and do what he wants - “as long as it’s safe and appropriate”.

3. Read diverse books and encourage a range of toys

“Books that challenge gender norms can literally undo children’s perceptions of gender stereotyping,” says Victoria, who wants her son to read the same books as her daughters.

She recommends stories about girls in science or sports, or boys who don’t conform to macho stereotypes, and is currently enjoying a book about a boy who dresses up as a mermaid. She adds that she is also mindful of shows that conform to more traditional gender stereotypes, such as Peppa Pig.

Victoria adds: “Provide boys with a range of options, offer them dolls and buggies and things that people might traditionally associate with girls”.

4. Start speaking to them about consent early on

“You [can] empower kids to say ‘no’. [Tell them] they don’t have to kiss your ageing relative at Christmas,” says Victoria.

[Left to right] Emma Citron, Jordan Jones and Victoria Richards

She believes we need to embed difficult conversations about consent as early as possible. “From the word go, you’re giving them the power to say no, and bodily autonomy.”

5. Be good role models

“Modelling is really important within the home”, says Victoria. “Is the mother doing the traditional female chores of cooking and cleaning and childcare? And isn’t it really simple to see dad cooking the dinner one night and mum washing the car or putting out the bins another?”

Emma made sure she spoke to her sons about her work as they grew up, so they could see that she was a successful working mother.

Jordan believes his son is surrounded by a supportive, empowering social circle outside the home: “I hope that with the village of people raising him, he won’t be someone who succumbs to peer pressure and goes along with something just because it’s ‘cool’ or ‘ok’, but because it’s something he really believes in.

“It’s a daily struggle - constantly checking privilege, constantly checking patriarchy. And other men calling it out to each other and holding each other to account – that’s essential”.

Woman's Hour is on 鲍鱼tv Radio 4 on weekdays at 10am and at 4pm on Saturdays. You can catch up on all episodes via 鲍鱼tv Sounds.