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Wednesday 24 Sep 2014

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Shame Travels: Jasvinder Sanghera's journey of reconciliation

±«Óãtv One documentary Shame Travels is the story of one woman's desperate attempt to contact a sister she was not allowed to meet because she dishonoured her family, to be shown on Friday 25 March on ±«Óãtv One North East and Cumbria, ±«Óãtv One Yorkshire and ±«Óãtv One East Midlands, at 7.30pm.

Jasvinder Sanghera fled from her home in Derby to Newcastle-upon-Tyne to escape being sent to India to marry a much older man who she had only ever seen in a photograph. Her refusal to marry, aged just 16, led her mother to say she was "dead to her".

Jasvinder is today the Founder/Director of Karma Nirvana – the charity that helps young British women to escape forced marriage. She is also the writer of two bestselling books: Shame and Daughters Of Shame which chronicle her life-story and those of other women suffering similar experiences.

The ±«Óãtv One documentary follows Jasvinder's final attempt at reconciliation with her family.

Her father had told her that she could never go to India as she had dishonoured the family and that "shame travels".

In India, Jasvinder travels to the Punjab with only an old photograph of her sister and the name of her father's village. Once there, she sees the land and discovers areas that her father used to talk about. Despite his rejection of her, she says it makes her feel close to him again.

Jasvinder tells the ±«Óãtv that thousands of British women are sent to India and Pakistan for marriage each year against their will and believes it is a scam for their spouses to gain UK passports.

She visits a refuge for young women who have been rescued from forced marriages by the Foreign Office and also meets a couple whose lives are in danger because they married for love.

In her father's village, Jasvinder discovers her aunt who tells her that her sister Bugenol died six years ago. It's a bitter blow for Jasvinder – but she's not convinced her aunt is telling the truth.

"I really wanted to meet her and tell her who I was," says Jasvinder. "I doubt she knew who I was because these people said my family never spoke about me."

Before she leaves the village she meets an old school friend of her father's and realises that he, like many others in India, see Britain as a destination point for their children – a place where they can have better lives.

Jasvinder goes on to visit The Golden Temple in Amritsar, Sikhism's holiest shrine, and a place her mother used to regularly visit. Here, Jasvinder explains that her mother would use the Sikh religion to justify her actions, including her decision to send her daughters to India to marry.

At the temple, a Sikh elder validates Jasvinder's work in Britain, and reassures her that marriage against the will of an individual is not supported by the religion.

"This is man-made oppression like any form of abuse," she says.

Still unconvinced that Bugenol is really dead, Jasvinder goes to another village looking for information. The villagers quickly identify Bugenol from the photograph and tell her that her sister is in fact alive and well. As Jasvinder walks towards the village, Bugenol runs towards Jasvinder and hugs her.

Jasvinder's meeting with Bugenol helps her to discover more about her family. Bugenol is in fact the child from her father's first marriage but was left behind when the family moved to Britain because Jasvinder's mother didn't want to take her with them.

Jasvinder asks Bugenol: "Do you think I've shamed the family?" "Not at all," she says. "Just ignore them."

"I don't understand whose honour they [the family] were trying to preserve because it has nothing to do with the people here in India that I have met," says Jasvinder.

Shame Travels, ±«Óãtv One (±«Óãtv North East and Cumbria, ±«Óãtv Yorkshire, ±«Óãtv East Midlands), Friday, 25 March at 7:30pm.

RF

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