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You don't go looking for high art in a film called Mr Woodcock, but in truth the title character's name is the funniest thing in an otherwise lame and confused comedy. Essentially a testosterone war played out between self help guru Sean William Scott and his sadistic former PE teacher (essayed with some relish by Billy Bob Thornton), Mr Woodcock offers one or two glorious moments of slapstick comedy, separated by a tumbleweed-strewn tundra of tedium.

We are introduced to Mr Woodcock via flashback, a terror to the chubby, asthmatic kids in his charge. He's the sergeant major of the gymnasium, always ready with a withering put-down, a basketball to the head and baseball bat to the crotch. From this discomforting beginning, we zoom forward to the present day, as successful author John Farley (Scott) returns home to discover that his Mom (Susan Sarandon, in a performance classier than the film deserves) is dating the monstrous Woodcock. Naturally, he's determined to put a stop to the romance, and a battle of wills ensues as teacher and ex-student struggle to outdo each other in such manly contests as wrestling and sweetcorn-guzzling.

"ANAEMIC AND GUTLESS"

Thornton's Mr Woodcock is intriguing at first – a genuinely horrible creation whose teaching methods border on – or step right into - child abuse. But as the film meanders wearily on, it becomes clear that he has a cuddly side. In fact, it turns out that beating the hell out of miserable children is character-building, and Farley owes his success to Woodcock's methods. This groaning bit of self-discovery is, one suspects, the result of studio interference. Arriving as it does in the wake of full-blooded comedy flicks like Superbad and Knocked Up, Mr Woodcock looks anaemic and gutless by comparison.

Mr. Woodcock is out in the UK on 28 Sept 2007.