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First seen almost two years ago at the Sundance Film Festival, this limp homegrown romantic comedy finally gets a UK release. Sadly, watching Marc Munden's lame misfire, you're less inclined to ask "What took so long?" as "Why did they bother?"

When mysterious American Miranda (Christina Ricci) slinks into the library where Frank (John Simm) works, the Elvis-loving Yorkshireman is instantly smitten. To his amazement she responds to his advances, and soon they're at it like randy bunnies.

"RISIBLE MISCASTING"

Miranda, though, is not all she seems. Having conned some gullible Japanese businessmen into buying Frank's soon-to-be-demolished library, she flits off to London with her scheming mentor, Christian (John Hurt). Frank sets off in hot pursuit, only to discover Miranda has set her sights on kinky millionaire Nailor (Kyle MacLachlan).

Where does one start with a film as misguided as this one? The dreadful performances? The implausible, laugh-free script? Or the glaring inconsistency of tone? All would be damaging enough, but it's Ricci's risible miscasting as an irresistible sex object that blows Miranda out of the water.

With her bulging eyes, huge forehead and Betty Boop acting style, Ricci is no one's idea of a femme fatale. (In the scenes where she dons blue contact lenses to play a black-wigged dominatrix, she looks positively freakish.) And yet Rob Young's script depends on everyone falling head over heels in love with his weird-looking heroine.

"BEGGARS BELIEF"

Simm just about pulls it off, investing his romantic innocent with a fair degree of winning charm. But MacLachlan - who appears to be emulating Dennis Hopper's psychopath from Blue Velvet - beggars belief as the wealthy pervert who falls under Ricci's spell.

Filmed in London and Scarborough in what looks like a permanent drizzle, this is a soul-sapping stinker that will have the few people who see it scratching their heads in bemusement.