The Beach
What is the Beach?
It’s a place to go when the stresses of your real life need relieving. Sometimes it is fairly quiet and you might feel like you’re the only one around, but you can leave your ‘footprints’ for others to find later on. Othertimes it is the home for a real party, with constant gossip, leg-pulling, rumour, innuendo, chit-chat and weirdness. If this were a forum (and it sort of is because we post responses to each other, not just to Eddie, hence our term for ourselves 'Froggers', a combination of forum and blogger) then the beach would be the off-topic area.
It's a tropical location, no matter the time of year it's always warm and pleasant there. Sunrises and sunsets are spectacular, the evenings balmy. It has a number of different locations; the Nick Clarke waterfront bar; the smokers corner; Fido's Run for the dog-walkers; the Naughty Step and many others.
How do you find your way around? There is no direct answer to the question. The beach is a moveable feast, literally. It will be renewed by our Lord and master Mr. Edward de Mair each Sunday morning. This is because we have found in the past that when the number of posts exceeds about 600 the entire thing becomes unwieldy and unstable. A case of the beach turning to quicksand.
Froggers often leave bottles / glasses / trays of their favourite tipple on the bar for others to sample, not to mention big / small eats.
There is a herd of camels who frequent the sands, which froggers are very fond of. There are sun-loungers, so you can take it easy and catch some rays. Quite often the late-night attendees will have a barbie.
It's a fun place, with only one real rule; Be nice to each other; we are ALL chums here. New Froggers are ALWAYS welcome.
The real debate happens on the other threads. The beach is a place for banter, whimsy, relaxation and friendship, where jarring comments are not particularly welcome. There are certain very mild protocols, which you tend to pick up as you go along. So slip your shoes off, feel the sand between your toes, relax and enjoy yourself.
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Oooh! I've got a stiff back after a night in that Hammock! Oh how lovely, some fresh coffee on the bar! Did you do that camels? Or did Eric kindly leave it here when he made the beach....?
Just time for a cup before work.....
Good morning!
xx
ed
Wow,
I've woken up, that light blue sun lounger is really comfortable, and I've found that Eddie has given us a new beach, he was very quiet. I wonder whether it will work, or whether the mods are still on strike.
I wont worry about yardarms, I'm going to have a nice call Guinness.
Cheers
Brian
Morning Bill'n'Ben. I'm rather glad of a new beach I got very lost on the blog this week, and haven't been able to keep up!
Can I have the lounger next to you B'n'B? No guiness for me, just some nice coffee.
Mary
Surely that should have been "cool Guinness" so I'll have another just to make sure.
Cheers
Brian
Hey BnB I've got a few mins off work & I'm need a loosen-up after a night in that hammock!
A quick salsa perhaps?? I showed the camels last night and they're really coming on.....
Just Bill, Ben, puppet master Brian and me so far then. I'm working today, so I thought I'd bring my laptop down to the beach to see what's going on. It's been aaaages since I've been here as I've been busier than a bee with a deadline.
So, do you both type at once in some symbiotic ballet or do you take it in turns, having agreed upon a joint statement? And does Brian ever disagree?
It's a good thing it's so quiet as I am on the beach in my dressing gown (which is shameful as it's gone midday).
L
PS Thank you to Jason for the aerial in the back of the digital radio suggestion. It works. We just need to get the cables though Nik claims a wire coat-hanger will do just as well.
Charles,
It's just down to which alter ego wins, oh and Brian, he just comes along for the ride, and the Guinness of course. What a bl**dy good idea, time for another.
B'n'B'n'B
Gossipmistress,
We are famous for 6 left feet, so if you don't mind getting covered in bruises, we'll have a try. But not before another pint.(Hic)
B'n'B'n'B
Just popped down to sample the bird life here on the coast since it all seems to be disappearing from my garden.
Every year I do the RSPB survey and every year there are fewer birds, despite my feeding them and being in a rural area that doesn't seem to suffer from large amounts of spraying etc. I can't remember the last time I saw a thrush and yet when I was a child they were more common than blackbirds.
I'm hoping that this year with it being so mild the birds just can't be bothered to visit my feeders since there is clearly wild food available. But then again, just think how little we have to clean the car windscreen on a summer journey now - where have all the insects gone?
Has anyone got any binoculars? I think I'll just scout around for any remaining parakeets that managed to escape from last week's massacre. Simon?
Mary & Charles hello! Strange things going on on this new beach. The tide must've come in very early on because I was down here after stumbling out of my hammock before breakfast but the waves seem to have washed away my footprints.....
The roast coffee was on the bar when I woke up - I don't know who made it - maybe Eric left it when he created the beach - hope there's none of his dodgey whiskey in it........
Madmary,
Where did you creep in from, you wasn't there before. Right just chill out with a coffee, and when Gossipmistress has had enough of my so called dancing you can have a try. Or do I just inflict it on the camels.
Coffee this time I think.
B'n'B'n'B
Sunday afternoon bloggages seem to becoming a regular thing. Nothing showing for over 3 hours.
Hellooooooo.......
Still no sign of my earlier posting about the loss of garden birds - so what was offensive about that?
Anne P (6) - yes... I've posted three times today (4 now including this one!) and only 1 has appeared so far (now 3.27pm). My first was around 9am, and the last was sometime before 3pm when yours was written.
I can't think of anything in them that was moderateable, unless silliness is now banned.......
GM - I've just left you a note on If Anyone Knows the Listener, realising later that you'd probably never go back there and find it!
Does anyone have a hard and fast rule about how many threads they check up on, how far they go back? It all depends on how many distractions I need from what I should be doing......
It all seems pretty bl**dy pointless, I'm off.
hello I've just popped in to bring some tea and scones and also to say that tomorrow marks the third attempt to give evidence in the trial of the indefensible. Please all keep your fingers and toes crossed that this time we actually make it. Last time the defendant turned up drunk and was found unfit to plead which I thought was damned ungrateful since we had turned up sober and we didn't even want to be there.
****
and can any of my clever fellow froggers solve a mystery for me. Since Eddie is such an accomplished skater - we know he skates every weekday at 5, why is he not on the lastest 'team up a personality with an ice dancer and get them to skate in front of the masses who can then vote them off'show? It's called something a lot shorter than that obviously but I can't remember exactly what.
Hello, let's see how the bloggage is going. Maybe there's been a bloggage handlers' dispute and all the posts are in Schipol, or Cgarles de Gaulle, or Timbuktu?
Salsa? Yes, please. Mild, with some dips.
I think we need a container ship to run aground to get a bit of action on this beach
Curiouser and curiouser...
why are the comments about the bloggage getting through, but nothing else????
it's far too late now to eat my scones which I brought at tea time, sob sob.
Right, I've provided senna pods at the Furrowed Brow and now here's a large bottle of Syrup of Figs - designed to shift even the worst bloggage.....
oops - abusive posting apparently....waits
...and waits
....and waits
no still won't take it.
....perhaps I'll just go and listen to The Archers and come back later.....
Anyone seen our new Blog Prince?
Looks like we need him before we all give up and go home.
Where are you Marc with a c?
Right - I'm off. Since neither senna nor Syrup of Figs has worked I have to assume it's hopeless.
Over to you my handsome Blog Prince - where's your white charger and shining armour?
I retreat to the Beach, only to find a bloggage!!!
Well, I suppose I'll light this small BBQ machine for anyone who can get through, but it won't be the same. Spanish style tonight, since no idea of the numbers...
Hope none of the Branscombe containers wash up here. What a mess. That was where family went for holidays when I was a kid...
Where is everyone? It's gone very quiet?
Mary
Hello Beach Dwellers, I have a confession. I've managed thus far to avoid the whole Big Brother thing, but this evening I am watching the final. I may be slipping into insanity, but I'm rather enjoying seeing all of the 'celebrities' coming out and being shown the headlines from the last couple of weeks.
How are all of you this fine evening?
test 1
test 3 - without any expectation!
test 4 - and I'll keep going!
test 5 - 4 though so far (this one rejected once)
So why does this happen? Is there any possibility of an explanation, please? Why does the whole thing go into stasis, just when you have the opportunity and whim to interact?
Are all the moderators having a duvet day, surely not?
If we knew that certain times were verboten, I'm sure that we wouldn't waste our time checking in, and checking in and checking in again. Does everyone else feel the same or am I just being cantankerous tonight?
duh - missed a whole day of being able to say "I'm the strapline, I'm the strapline!!"...
darn. and now its 11pm its hardly worth it... ah well, saves me ego running away with idself....
Whisht, I've posted congratulations elsewhere, but I doubt if it'll get through. Much like this.
If this does get through, best of luck Admin Annie. (btw, I think you may be referring to "Dancing On Ice" but please don't make Eric go on it or I'll have to watch and I've had my fill of "reality TV" now. But hahaha.)
Mmmm. Clearly there has been a problem. We'll look into it today. Sorry!
Admin Annie (8) unless there is an entirely different meaning to 'On the Ice' - one involving G&T's for instance?
Have got over my sulk. But, on returning to the Blog, I find that the Furrowed Brow has disappeared - so, was this the problem with the Blog, I ask myself (and any froggers, moderators, Eddie, PM Team members, etc., etc., who happen to read this)?
Actually, after my attempts to blog on Saturday, I had to get on with 'other stuff', but - PM Team, please note! - it is extremely frustrating when nothing happens for ages and ages and, though I've not yet read through all the other threads, it's obvious it was happening for others.
Morning all,
just finished an early morning dip (Ladies, calm yourselves.... I don't think). And what good timing! The little bell on the oven has just gone 'Ting' and there's fresh hot flapjacks and warm shortbread for everyone, along with a delightful line in English Breakfast Tea. The very thing to kick-start a reluctant new week.
This weeks list-of-lists is your 5 favourite pieces of Literature to bring to the beach. They can be anything you desire; essays, diaries, poetry, novels, pulp fiction, cartoons, childrens comics, reference works, even Acts of Parliament if you wish!
It goes without saying that you also get 'free of charge' a King James Bible and the complete works of Shakespeare. But, in a move not seen on a certain Desert Island, you are permitted to replace these last two items with two others of your choice, giving you up to seven picks in total.
To get the ball rolling I'm going to drop the Bard, but retain the KJ Bible and take six of the best, in no particular order;
1) Lord of the Rings trilogy. For sheer imagination in creating, from scratch, a whole new world, with it's own languages, places, heroes and villains. And for creating an entirely new genre of literature, the fantasy novel. And at the same time setting a standard which few in the genre have ever matched up to.
2) The Republic by Plato. The absolute beginning of Western Philosophy and political science.
3) Yousuf Karsh - Fifty year retrospective. A review of the works of one of the C20th greatest portrait photographers. The man who took the iconic picture of Churchill at the height of WW2, amongts many, many other. He used the technique of chiaroscuro, using light and dark to create drama and draw the eye to the desired point in the photograph. A master of his art.
4) Passing time in the Loo. A blaggers charter. Dozens of literary classics reduced to a two-page precis each. Quotations. Aphorisms. Biographies. Word Power. Anecdotes. Summaries of reference works. Essential rules for the world's top sports. If any book comes close to being all things to all men, this is the one. Essential.
5) Red Storm Rising by Tom Clancy. The master of the techno-thriller with one of his few non-Jack Ryan books. A realistic scenario of a European World War 3. naturally NATO and the West won.....
6) Penguin book of First World War poetry. You can keep your Tennyson, Shelley, Wordsworth and Longfellow. Isn't it strange how a war can bring out poetry of such beauty as that of Owen, Sasson, Rosenberg and others?
I could have included so many of the classics. I've left out the remaining works of Plato, Aristotle, the Anabasis, Herodotus' Histories, ±«Óãtvr (not Simpson!), Hobbes, Rousseau, Adam Smith, Keynes, and others too numerous to even begin listing them. And then there's the novels. And then the reference section.
Si.
Big Sister,
Just felt that I had to contribute about the 'dog' stories. We have a little Jack Russell called Bruno who is now in his 14th year and we LOVE him to bits!
Unfortunately, he is now deaf following a stroke last year, although in some ways there is an upside as he can't hear the fireworks and thunder which made him go MAD and as he has a heart condition, this was not a good thing (and we don't have to spell out all our conversations as he was so bright he knew what we were doing before we had even decided).
Also he is going slightly senile - ie he is digging up the carpets all over the house (right down to the underlay in some places!) - we think he is looking for bones that he probably buried years ago in the garden and can't quite work out that he is in the house.... However, we treasure every day with him now - he had a little Epileptic fit the other day and that left him very confused - we spent all day cuddling him, trying to make him feel safe. Owning a pet is such a responsibility and can give you such great joy, but also such heart rending grief - don't know what we'll do when he goes.
I'm afraid that the only possible course of action is to put this Blog out of its misery.
It couldn't move all weekend and only emitted the odd grunt by way of communication. A sad end, but there we are. It will be painless I promise you.
Notification of a rememberance service will be posted on jonnie's site.
None of my posts got through yesterday. It was very disappointing as I had a whole day free for the first time in ages. Oh well back to January and work!
Mary
Thought I'd drop by with some home-made biscuits to go with coffee - both on Nick's bar if you can reach them - is anything getting through this morning?
No point in posting at all if we can't actually talk to each other.
Yes, I have to agree with the first Doctor.
The poor old thing is almost lifeless. It would just be cruel to let it suffer any more.
It would also be better for those that have loved it during its short life, if it just went and went quickly.
Farewell Blog.
RJD if that's you with the stethoscope round your neck - don't do it! We need you.
Whisht - I think you should get another day, since yesterday obviously wasn't working. I also posted congrats elsewhere, on one of the many threads I was inspecting for signs of life.
So, are we going to get an explanation then New Blog Prince? C'mon Lissa, can't you pull a few strings from rural Derbyshire, tell Marc it's his responsibility to keep us all in touch, or at least tell us why we can't be, for ericssake.
Admin Annie (10) At the risk of this getting through TWICE (hahahahahaha! the very thought!) - good luck for today.
Also.....what if 'On the ice' refers to another thing entirely....involving G&T for instance.....
Interesting that, Another Doctor. You are agreeing with me about the terminal nature of the Blog’s condition and my post hasn’t even appeared (yet). Hmmm.
Regardless of that, I think that a swift end is called for. I will be asking jonnie if he will post the Blog's obituary on his site.
Right, where's this stiff Blog then?
Is this 'it' then?.....
Mollyxx
Is this 'it' then?.....
Mollyxx
Perhaps it just isn't the day for the frog. In fact, my tells me that today's animal is a fish...
Goodbyeee Goodbyee dum de dum dum de dum
ect ect ect
Ho Hum....let's see what happens to this one then. Thanks for the biscuits Anne P.....pity there's no-one to share them with.
Well, after having not posted since Saturday morning, I've just had the message telling me I've posted too soon! Should I take that as a hint?
I seem to have suffered the same blog nightmare as many Froggers over the weekend. Posted after midnight Saturday/Sunday. It's just made it onto the previous version of the beach now, late on Monday morning, nearly 36 hours later.
Also started having the malicious posting warning for the first time during the last week. Mostly for my first post of the day, when I've made n contribution for over 12 hours.
But I'm damned if I'm giving up. I enjoy reading what goes on here too much to drift away and quit.
Bring back Lissa-with-an-a. It's all gone pear-shaped since she left.
Si.
Is eddies ice dancing not just virtual?
I must admit, ITV;s Pro-Celebrity Ice dance or whatever its called is verging on the ridiculous! The insurance bill must be awful and they keep ending up in local accident & emergency units wasting precious NHS resources with self inflicted injuries :-)
I note a speed boat at the end of the bay. I think I'll head off and try some water skiing. No celebrities evident yet though.
My Burns night do was Saturday and a good time was had by all. Haggis was done to perfection. Dancing didn't start till late so we had to leave before the end. We got a card with full version of Auld Land Syne this year though. Another useful addition for us english.
Looks like Newsletter sent 12.25. recieved 13.07
42 mins is not bad.
Oh dear! Not a lot of happy campers here today:-( Just when I needed something to take my mind off a long presentation I've been struggling over this morning. Ah well, I'll just slope off to the sun-loungers for a bit of a kip. Will someone wake me when it's time to go home?
Ta!
FFred
Is that it- really?.....
Mollyxx
Hello?
Val P,
See DayTwo.
Brian xx
B'n'B - well, yes it's still there but kinda quiet so far! I'll be back later.
andycrhello? - hello! howsitgaun?
Andyhello? - HELLO! Where on earth have you been? You picked a fine time to turn up, just when disaffected froggers by the dozen are cutting loose from the Frog, in response to disappointing weekend service. Thank goodness you're back. Eddie needs all the supporters he can get at this stage. He's even taken to declaring his love for us all via the newsletter. I ask you, whatever next? Will he stand for parliament?
What have you been up to, & have you sold many art works recently?
If you haven't been keeping up with the blog( and who can?) Fred has had a date, & Lissa has moved house. Oh, and it's been snowing but we're not allowed to send pictures to Eddie anymore, because he doesn't care... That's about it really. Welcome back!
Hi there Andycrhello - how's it going? Haven't seen you around here in ages.
And HELLO everyone - lovely to see you after such a long break.
What I find so mysterious about the bloggage is that some postings appeared which seemed to refer to others which were not there, but presumably had been for an instant or so. Which implies things were been washed away faster than the tide could deposit them. And RJD's 'Test 2' has obviously drowned. I wonder what else did.
Sally (earlier today):
Thanks for your lovely posting re your Jack Russell. My collie is at a similar stage of life and, though not epileptic, has similar problems to yours, including the carpet digging. But I think this is due to something else (I know not what - I think it's more to do with bedding down, sometimes he pulls up rugs so that he's got something to lie against ....). The deafness is certainly a bonus when the fireworks are out, I quite agree.
Any other doggy stories will be welcomed, and if spotted, I'll copy (as I have Sally's and others) and try to encourage Jonnie to find a spot somewhere on the PMBlogsite for him to save for us.
well froggers gather round with glasses outstretched as I crack open this large bottle of champagne! And there's a platter of crema cheese and smoled salmon thingies on the NCMB. Mr user of racially offensive language managed to turn up at court today on time and sober. Husband eventually called in to give his evidence and he did so well that they didn't need me. So it's over, and I didn' t even have to do anything. We had lunch in town and then normal life was resumed. And when I got home even the frog was back to normal. Hooray!
andycryippee! Good to see you. What a :-( time it's been frogging. Even with Eric's tender words (huh, didn't work on ME).
And that wasn't a suggestion that Andy should cry "ippee", either. Enough excitement for the day without that sort of carry-on.
Let me echo Annasee! Andycragg, where've you been???? Welcome back. Your timing sucks.
Valery P - How did you do that?
I'm impressed that you sussed me out before I told you and it might have taken hours for your post to appear but you were able to respond within 12 minutes. I'm sure my post didn't appear that quickly. Strange....
admin annie, congratulations!
My glass is over here.
Cheers.
Mary
Anybody who has watched the couple of videos of rock guitar versions of Pachelbels's Canon referred to on the Schools’ Music thread might be interested in looking at completely different version.
What way do you have to arrange your brain to be able to do this?
admin annie,
Well done, welcome back to a normal world, now that all the worry is over.
Also welcome back and hello to andy.
Brian
Ah RJD, it's because I'm psychic! The interesting thing is your first to appear was the "Another Doctor" which I referred to on the other thread!
Andycrgoneagain - keep your head above the parapet. Every time I say hello, you disappear again!
...any champers left?
RJD - eeeek! Don't know if you picked up my response to the Jerry C version, as I don't know where I posted it, but I've sent this link on to the same guys! Btw, SO says he thinks the left hand belongs to a guy standing behind....
Good grief!
multiple postings-how did that happen?
Never mind--good to be backat the Beach (IS
this the Beach- totally confused now)..
Yes- it must be! there's a camel.....
It's a bit small!!!
(How many books can we take?)
Mollyxx
Good grief!
multiple postings-how did that happen?
Never mind--good to be backat the Beach (IS
this the Beach- totally confused now)..
Yes- it must be! there's a camel.....
It's a bit small!!!
(How many books can we take?)
Mollyxx
Good grief!
multiple postings-how did that happen?
Never mind--good to be backat the Beach (IS
this the Beach- totally confused now)..
Yes- it must be! there's a camel.....
It's a bit small!!!
(How many books can we take?)
Mollyxx
Admin Annie - congratulations! Bet that's a huge relief. Hope you sleep well tonight!X
BnBnB I thought your salsa-ing was rather fine in the circumstances! Almost as good as the camels (but they were a lesson ahead). We must try again on a night with less quicksand....
RJD, well frankly, I thought that trill at the end was just SHOWING OFF. As if playing on 2 guitars wasn't enough.
I wonder how many other arrangements of that piece are knocking around the internet. It's hard to imagine anyone topping that version, but no doubt someone will. 2 guitars & a kazoo, perhaps?
Look Fifi - you're up there again!
On a sombre note, it looks like the Mods have gone off for an early night. Not a lot going on tonight at all? many postings haven't appeared. Off to bed now.
Anne P (65) - I posted the most innocuous reply to you and I am pretty sure that it DID appear for a while. However it seems to have been moderated away. I really do despair sometimes. I think this Blog could be really entertaining for us and those just watching if the darn thing worked properly.
Val P (17) I've left you a reply (bloggage permitting - I should leave it a few days before chasing it up!) on 'If Anyone Knows the Listener'.
In reply to 17 - the number of threads I look at depends on what time I have really, but I'll sometimes have a look at some old ones too.
RJD (73),
Never mind that -- what's he plucking the strings with? His toes??? (Bet you thought I was going to lower the tone...)
Morning. Does anyone have any coffee? After a rested sleepful night - and having whined all day yesterday about being tired - I now need a pick me up. Can swap a swig from a flask for a G and T at the Nick Clarke later...
Well, Eddie, you can have some of the coffee I just put on. It's a nice Jamaican Blue Mountain. Enjoy!
RJD
What a treat- have sent it on to SO who is away. Well,I hope I've done it correctly. I see I'm here in triplicate again ......soooooooo embarassing- what is going on?
It's really good to have postings from Eddie-he is the reason we are frogs, after all, isn't he?
Trouble is, so much to catch up on lots of threads. Off we go.....
Mollyxx
Nice to have a working blog back.....
Freshly brewed coffee on the bar :-)
RJD (84) It does seem even more mysterious and frustrating when an innocuous posting that you know appeared then disappears again.
I guess we'll just have to wait in hopes for version 2 to improve things.
Meanwhile I'll have some of that nice fresh coffee thanks before I have to get back to January.
Okay, then, what's in the flask? Surely your miniature didn't stretch that far? You're very welcome to my G & T, Eddie, as I don't touch the stuff.
Do help yourselves to cheese and bacon scones, fresh from the oven, complete with unsalted French butter. Oh, and there are some croissants as well for those who prefer. Selection of fruit conserves on the bar.
I'm feeling p'ed off today for a variety of reasons. Does anyone have any good stories or jokes at their disposal?
Morning our dearest Eddie.
I must admit that fresh coffee is the one indulgent, expensive, carbon-footprint smashing luxury that Mr Belinda and I allow ourselves*. We have it sent from a fair-trade coffee roasters in Nova Scotia (MrB's home and native land) and then often pick up another 3 tonnes of it when we are over there, usually to many raised eyebrows from customs. So yes, I have some coffee that I can send to you if you wish, although it is strong enough to melt your tea-spoon and has been known to cause hallucinations in large quantities.
*We have candlelight in the evenings to reduce the electricity bill but no, our coffee must come from 3,000 miles away.
Good morning Belinda - don't be p*'d off - I'll go and rifle through my joke file for you.
The person you really need though is Fifi! Are you not "registered" for her email funnies? Ask her about them, they are a lifeline :o)
Valery P (77) - Yes, I picked up your earlier response on the Schools' Music thread. I've had a pretty good look at this latest video and I'm pretty certain it is genuine.
Annasee (82) I found at least half a dozen more versions without really trying. Some more attempts at Jerry C's arrangement (but not as good) are on the right hand side of the screen of the two guitar version.
Appy (86) Lower the tone? Now I ask you, is that likely?
Belinda (93) - Try these but they come without any guarantee!
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
This bloke is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant lying on the ground, in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it, and the elephant trots merrily away.
Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in London watching a circus procession pass by. When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk, lifts him bodily into the air, smashes him on the ground and jumps on him.
It was a different elephant.
A neutron walks into a bar.
"I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge."
So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said "Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
This coffee is really hitting the spot. Thank you. Belinda (93) my favourite joke of the moment always gets a laugh. It cannot be told here. Maybe later at the NC bar.
Belinda:
"hallucinations in large quantities"?
Mm, that does sound appealing!
If you're feeling down, can I recommend the following to you?
/cbeebies/funandgames/pingu.shtml
Hello-ee!
I'll take a large mug of that coffee and a croissant please (Thinks he got away with taking two...). Thanks GM and BigSis.
Anyone feel like joining in with the '5 bits of literature' I kicked off in (40)? I'd love to know what other Froggers read.
Belinda (93); (some are mildly rude, but I've taken out the 50 worst offendors)
Confucius say, baseball wrong. Man with four balls not able to walk
Confucius say, panties not best thing on earth, but next to it
Confucius say, war not determine who is right. War determine who is left
Confucius say, man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night
Confucius say, it take many nail to build crib, one screw to fill it
Confucius say, man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants
Confucius say, if you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient
Confucius say, passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly
Confucius say, man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day long
Confucius say, woman who go camping must beware of evil intent
Confucius say, squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts
Confucius say, man who run before bus get tired
Confucius say, man who run behind bus get exhausted
Confucius say, man with tool in woman's mouth not necessarily dentist
Confucius say, man with tight trousers is pressing his luck
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet high on pot
Confucius say, man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy
Confucius say, man with hand in pocket all day not crazy, just feeling nuts
Confucius say, man who sleep in bed of nails is holy
Confucius say, woman who cooks meat and peas in same pot is unhygenic
Confucius say, man who run through airport turnstile backward going to Bangkok
Confucius say, man who fishes in another woman's well, often catches crab
Confucius say, butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders
Confucius say, man who live in glass house, should change in basement
Confucius say, man who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face
Confucius say, man who fart in church, sit in own pew
Confucius say, man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion
Confucius say, man under wheelbarrow playing with tool, not necessarily mechanic
Confucius say, foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ
Confucius say, man who buy drowned cat, get wet pussy
Confucius say, man trapped in pantry, have ass in jam
Confucius say, cow with no legs is ground beef
Confucius say, two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn
Confucius say, finding old man in dark, not hard
Confucius say, man with head on railroad track, listening for train to come, get splitting headache
Confucius say, man who sneeze without tissue take matter into own hands
Confucius say, man who drive like hell, bound to get there
Confucius say, man who sit on tack, get point
Confucius say, man who put cream in tart, not always baker
Confucius say, support bacteria - is only culture some people have
Confucius say, man who have last laugh, not get joke
Confucius say, man who sleep with old hen, find it better than pullet
Confucius say, man who fall in vat of molten glass, make spectacle of self
Confucius say, man who eat too many prunes, get good run for money
Confucius say, man who go to bed with itchy bum wake up with smelly fingers
Si.
Si - woman who cooks meat and peas in same pot is unhygenic. Hahahaha.
I just can't compete with that lot. I'm off to do some work instead.
RJD and Si:
............................... [Speechless with laughter]
Belinda sweetie, you are welcome to sample the Fifi's Bits file.
Most of the jokes are supplied by fellow froggers.
And you can select whether you like them rude as well as funny, and whether your computer can cope with Attachments over 1MB.
The way to try it out is to visit and either fill in your email address at the Guest Book, or use the Contact Us function.
Guest Book's quicker, as it's automatic. But Contact Us is more secure, as nobody else can use the link ... it takes longer because the webmeister has to forward the email manually once he gets in from work.
The offer is open to all. And despite the quantity of jokes that pass through my hands ... believe it or not I do actually filter them all first!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I am half an hour early for a new business presentation, so I really ought to knuckle down and read through my notes one more time.
Whilst reclining on this lilo, a tall glass of Pimms by my side. And with Young Mr Macallan rubbing sun cream into my back.
...............................ahhhhhhh!
Fifi ;o)
Belinda:
Just to remind you of a real chuckle, I respectfully redirect you to the following:
/blogs/pm/2007/01/ten_days_ago_paddy_and_i.shtml
Si - so you took out the worst offenders and posted them did you?
ROTFL!
Admin Annie, I've just read your 67, having seen a few messages of joy from others. Let me add "Hurrah! At last!"
A, xx.
Some links for the blog ladies to swoon over, especially those pictures;
/pressoffice/biographies/biogs/news/eddie_mair.shtml
/radio4/presenters/eddie_mair.shtml
Si. :-)
Belinda - how about these to cheer you? So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember hisname, it's P something T something R.
So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said"Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."
So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guysaid, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign itis."
I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me aVolkswagen with no driver.
So Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and hewent T'PAU! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got chinain my hand."
You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I'm wrong.
I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.
I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'BestBefore End'
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." Isaid "No, just a watch."
I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The blokesaid "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"
My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.
I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said,"You've got cholera."
I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue, and I couldn't putit down.
I phoned the local ramblers club today, and this bloke just went on and on.
My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "Iwouldn't do it if you paid me."
So I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. Isaid, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is for the custard."
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."
So I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, "Are you havingme on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, b ut I'm not promising you anything."
I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!"
So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!" So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, "Nearest the bullgoes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest"
I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made memanaging director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked mewhat had happened. I said "I careered off the road"
I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's so tiny you couldn'tswinga cat in there.
I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.
I bought a train ticket and the driver said "Eurostar" I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to dothe splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
Actually, Si, I prefer the following:
Sultry, or what? ;o)
Thanks for finding time in your lunch hour to cheer up Belinda, Eddie!
Simon (106), How kind, thank you.
Eddie (107), Don't think I'm saying this just because you posted them* but that is absolutely the biggest Laugh Out Loud I've had in ages! I creased up by I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!" and didn't stop until the end, even though I'd heard several of them before. I'm going to email them to my mother (this, in case you wondered is A Great Honour).
You are a tonic. I mean this in an Admiring Listener fashion, rather than Scary Stalker-Type Woman fashion, although hugs continue to be welcome.
Thank you.
A, x.
* If proof were needed I am on record on earlier threads as having laughed excessively at Tommy Cooper entries.
For anyone who has ever worked in a large organisation:
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium."
Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes reorganization. In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "critical morass."
You will know it when you see it...
A contribution to the jokes -- forgive me if you've heard it before:
A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently but........... your man hood was chopped off In the wreck and we were unable to find it."
The bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on:
"Don't worry, it's going to be alright, we have the technology now to build you a new one that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's two thousand pounds an inch".
The bloke perks up at this, despite the price.
"So the thing is" the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a vital role in helping you make the decision."
The bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the next day.
"So" says the doctor "Have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have." says the fellow.
"And has she helped you in making the decision?".
"She has" says the bloke.
"And what is it?" asks the doctor. . .
"We're getting a new kitchen" replies the bloke !!
Some context: my father sent this to me (he's got very rude in the last couple of years -- or maybe he just thinks I'm a grown up now???) My parents are presently getting a new kitchen...
There was this consultant driving home for the weekend. He's late getting home to celebrate his 40th birthday, so he's floored the accelerator on his convertible, when a juggernaut pulls out and hits him, he smashes into the central reservation, spins out of control, and dies.
As a result, he goes up the escalator to the Pearly Gates. He walks off at the top, there's a brass band playing, the Angels are singing, there is a huge crowd cheering and chanting his name and virtually everyone wants to shake his hand. He's mobbed as he walks through the Pearly Gates and into Heaven.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, St. Peter himself rushes over, and begins to apologize profusely for not greeting him sooner, shakes his hand vigorously, and says,
"Congratulations old boy, we've been waiting a long time for you!"
The consultant stands there, totally confused and a little embarrassed. He looks at St. Peter and says "Saint Peter, I've tried to lead a God-fearing life, I've loved my family dearly, I've tried to
obey the all of the Ten Commandments, but I really don't understand. Congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive?"
"Congratulations for what?" says St. Peter - totally amazed at the man's modesty. "
"We're all celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old!
God himself wants to see you right now! "
The consultant is totally awestruck and can only look at St. Peter with his mouth wide open. When he eventually regains the power of speech, he looks up and says: "St. Peter, I lived my life
in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be 40."
"That's simply impossible my son," says Saint Peter. "We've added up your time sheets."
Hehe! Thank you very very much Eddie! I am laughing now, particularly with:
So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said"Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to dothe splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."
Someone should give you your own comedy show, preferably at 6.30pm on radio 4 to replace various other funny shows which aren't. Thank you for taking up your valuable and gifted time to post those for me!
Ah c'mon Eddie, thats not fair!
I'm doing my amateur best here and you're coming out with professional stuff, just like Si.
Right, I'm off to sulk.
I reckon Eddie's lining up a career as a standup comedian myself. Something of a cross between Jack Dee (deadpan) and Tommy Cooper (sidesplitting funny).
And, while we're on the matter, I think he'd be an excellent presenter on Have I got News for You, given his very very quick wit.
Well, Eddie? Has this been offered to you? Have you contemplated it?
But then again, ±«Óãtv News and surrounding areas would miss you, wouldn't they.
Boom Boom!!
Oh brilliant idea Big Sis! Eric chairing HIGNFY? Yes, please!
Belinda (94) I love your story about the candles and the coffee - it just shows how hard it is for us to make genuinely ecological choices.
Well I don't know if you've cheered Belinda up folks, but you've made my day!
The Blogmeister himself too?? We are honoured indeed. Much, much better than Chris, London's as well!!!
Then, Appy, I ended up in stitches at your posting too...
Thanks to all.
While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb ass."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass, It's Tony Blair!"
Well I don't know if you've cheered Belinda up folks, but you've made my day!
The Blogmeister himself too?? We are honoured indeed. Much, much better than Chris, London's as well!!!
Then, Appy, I ended up in stitches at your posting too...
Thanks to all.
Eddie, Can I just add my agreement my agreement to Aperitif (109). Have been feeling a tad miserable myself this week mainly due to major (insommniac toddler induced) sleep deprivation and utter tedium at work, but that has cheered me up no end (also conscious of not wishing to stumble into crazy stalker ladyterritory in my admiration here!) And Big Sister is so right - you would make the perfect host of HIGNFY - Beeb bosses take note!
Oh and Anne P - loved your one as well (much appreciated as I am well familiar with the slight fabrication of time sheets - so 10 mins on project related phone call, 50 mins staring out of the window - that would make 1 hour on the project then!!!)
Eddie, Can I just add my agreement my agreement to Aperitif (109). Have been feeling a tad miserable myself this week mainly due to major (insommniac toddler induced) sleep deprivation and utter tedium at work, but that has cheered me up no end (also conscious of not wishing to stumble into crazy stalker ladyterritory in my admiration here!) And Big Sister is so right - you would make the perfect host of HIGNFY - Beeb bosses take note!
Oh and Anne P - loved your one as well (much appreciated as I am well familiar with the slight fabrication of time sheets - so 10 mins on project related phone call, 50 mins staring out of the window - that would make 1 hour on the project then!!!)
I should find out on Friday whether this morning's presentation got me the speaking gigs. The meeting went really well, so I feel pretty confident.
My new mobile phone came today.
And a nice lady in Spalding contacted me about some paid-for PR work for a charity!
This is turning out to be rather a good day, all in all.
We're ordering in a curry for SO tonight. Anyone fancy spot of jalfrezi and pilau? I'll be popping over to Wittering for some quality fried food, which according to our regional news is Officially Good For You. (Yeah, right!) Offer is limited to one chip each though.
I've got some shiraz mataro to go with it all, and plenty to go round.
Last one back to the Nick Clarke's a hairy kipper!
Fifi
Eddie the Wonder Wit wrote I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made memanaging director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked mewhat had happened. I said "I careered off the road"
I'm crying! Are these all Tommy Cooper jokes?
Looks like I'm the hairy Kipper! To make up for it heres the magnum of Champagne we won on Saturday so that should fill a flute or two. I'll get some strawberries to go with it.
APERITIF (sorry to shout!) : You should sign up for the Froggers' Jokebook (or whatever we're calling it these days)!
Please please please get in touch and put right this anomoly of nature.....
Fifi xxx
Ooh Ooh! I've got a strapline! *beams a BIG smile*. Okay, coffees, teas, and other beverages on me. I'll set up a round of alcoholic drinks on the bar later on for us to sip/glug/quaff* during the programme itself
FFred
*other drinking styles are available.
Fifi: I think Appy may have jokebooks of her own .... [ :o) ]
Strapping Fred: Thanks, mate. A big latte would go down well just now. And well done!
Great strapline, FFred. I'll join you later for a brandy and soda, please. Do you have anything to tell us......?
No news as yet, Gillian. I haven't forgotten my promise to tell my fellow froggers any news:-)
Thanks FF, and congratulations on your strapline!
I'll have a chai latte, no sugar.
And then a Guinness followed by a bottle of Whisky during the programme.
What will the camels and reindeer have?
Just testing - since I've just had error 502 Service not available, followed by 'You are not allowed to post comments' on another threads.
What did I say?
...waits patiently....
Nope - looks like we're bloggered again.
Hey FF - well done on the strapline, and don't mind if I do thank you very much! I'll have a caramel latte for now and for later an exceptionally large glass of something chilled and white would go down a treat. Cheers!
Anne P (133) -
Today's star prize, i.e.:
Complete set of
* Air freshener to squirt at modem
* Caustic soda to pour down phone line
* Perfumed wipey to disinfect/deodorise/generally improve functionality of 'Submit your comment' button
* Flexible rodders to unblog line between house and local telephone exchange (plus Competent Bloke to use them)
* A team of hunks to fan out over country in fluorescent jakkits (a la the AA 'Call out your name' TV ad) and play 'Hunt the bloggage' before reporting findings back in person, individually, to you and do Useful Jobs around the house (free) for as long as you need them (NB fluorescent jakkits may be discarded indoors)
* NBP's head on a plate (if required. Some flexibility on the part of the winner may be exercised)
* 52 cases of vintage Champagne a year for the rest of your life
for most creative use of language on The Beach yet today: bloggered.
Haha.
xx
LadyPen
Why thank you kindly, Lady Pen (135)
**blushes deep pink**
I might forgo the head on a plate, but the champagne would be very acceptable :-)
FFred may I have a large whisky latte please? And some champagne on the side? I intend to get even more bloggered during the programme.......
(well strapped by the way! GMx)
FFred, are you there? I'll just help myself to that Brandy now. Thanks. I tried to get a froglet onto the Beach earlier on but failed miserably. Is there a secret security code we should use now? I was locked out of the Furrowed Brow as well, contrary to ''Contrary.....'' Ho Hum
Just going off to see 'Venus' - has anyone seen it? Will report later...although that may be just to myself and the camels by the look of it.....
GM (138),
Seems as if I missed your invite. Do report back.
I've stopped frogging on a new thread (or the beach or FB) if the latest posting is hours ago. Bloggered is a wonderful word to describe the situation (thanks, Ann P).
Anyhow, after yet another stressful day, thought I would try and wind down. G&T from the NC bar, I think, and wait to see who else drifts by.
I hope Jonnie doesn't bring too many elephants back to the Beach; not sure how they would mix with the camels (don't forget, horses have to be trained to mix with them).
Totally random thought. Just recall seeing an odd sight on a field by the M40 on Sunday last. See my blog for details (it's something to write about.....)
Bloggered is just great! Can we all use it Anne P?
Last mention of Pachelbel's Canon, I promise. If anybody wants proof that the guy was genuinely playing the two guitars, have a look at him here -
He also plays other stuff and there are links to other guitarists - some with more of the Canon.
I did smile when I heard that woman ask Eddie if he was an artist because there was that pause in which I suspected he was thinking 'well I can be a bit of a p*** artist at times', just before he said yes.
the frog has been so slow today I gave up on trying to post, I have been struggling with a recalcitrant printer. Why oh why do the damn things always go wrong when you have 7 sheets to print out 20 times. And how come they know so many variations on beggaring up side 2 of any given page.
RJD (141) feel free - I just hope we don't have cause to use it too often.
And now since I'm feeling mellowed by Tai Chi and the wonderful Ray Mears, please help yourself to these hazelnuts, toasted in a slow-roasting sand pit, accompanied by fruit leather made from hawthorn berries and a tot of this heather hooch.
Enjoy.
BTW has anyone seen Ed I. recently? do hope his tree house building has not resulted in any accidents or pneumonia. Yoohoo...Ed???
Just time for a small one at the NCM bar before bed....Mmm that's good, lovely Port whoever left it thank you!
I enjoyed 'Venus' - Peter O'Toole & Leslie Phillips are excellent. It was funnier than I imagined and the 'love affair' bit is more believable than I thought it possibly could be. It is also what my sister & I would call a PG* for some bits.
Now I shouldn't really collapse into that hammock cos last time I woke up (to quote FF) pretzel-shaped.....
*PG - Anything containing swearing, nudity, sex or violence which you wouldn't want to watch with your Mum :-)
I got bloggered earlier too. :-(
Still, I've now learned a new word (thanks Anne P.) :-)
Just dropped off some blueberry muffuns (still warm) to have with your coffee.
feeling bloggered today -love ly word-see you all later when I've had a sleep.
Bags the hammock........
Mollyxx
ps Happy February 1st!!
Mollyxx
I think I've been bloggered again.......!
Don't care!
Wake me up if I snore..
Mollyxx
Anne P, et. al.,
Nice to be missed, but I've found room 502 a bit frustrating.
I had this for you, Anne, but just couldn't get it posted.
, by Wendell Berry deals with the medical/death business in an intriguing way, and is one of my favourites among his 'tales of Port William'.
to commentary on the same story. I do commend the thin volume itself. Fidelity.
I recognise much of what you said. Not so long ago most folk died at home. Little sister came in and said to mommy, "I took Granny her tea, but can't get her to wake up."
Little sister was sent to get the midwife and Big sister helped mommy get started dressing the corpse. The midwife and the joiner arrived, and soon Granny was in her coffin on trestles in one of the front rooms, where each could go and sit with her awhile, sometimes through the night. Meanwhile all the normal daily chores needed doing. Neighbours helped where needed.
In a couple of days the burial was followed by a gathering or wake where stories were told and community bonding reinforced. There was food and drink a-plenty, provided by neighbours and nearby kinfolk.
And life carried on. Grieving was direct and relatively uncomplicated. Nowadays, death usually happens in medical facilities, well away from caring family, and is considered a medical failure. I know folk who still cannot forgive the doctors and hospital where their parent (aged 87 and frail) died more than ten years ago, and thus haven't achieved 'closure'...
It's all part of the complex of modernity, where everything is professionalised. We send our kids to professional carers, educators, etc., our old folks to professional shelterers, carers, nursing homes, and eventually intensive care units, and when there is a corpse, the nice man with the sad face says, "Don't worry, we'll take care of everything." It's all handled, out of sight and sterile, by pros, and it's no wonder we have trouble grieving.
The world is supposed to be safe, free of risk, and nobody's supposed to die. If something happens, it's time for litigation.
xx
ed
I've just tried posting this three times on ''I'm putting myself forward......'' and been rejected.
Now I'm not one to be easily put off so here goes....
Eddie, you can pinch my oodles anytime!
Not really worth the effort, was it?
I promised Big Sister yesterday that I'd be much less grumpy today.
The way this blog's performing, I don't think that's very likely, do you?
Come on, Blog Prince, kick some grass*!
* Fifi Rhyming Slang
Fifi
I promised Big Sister yesterday that I'd be much less grumpy today.
The way this blog's performing, I don't think that's very likely, do you?
Come on, Blog Prince, kick some grass*!
* Fifi Rhyming Slang
Fifi
PS I tried to post this 2 hours ago. It's now 3.35pm and I'm trying yet again. After this I'm giving up.
Gillian (150)
I'm shocked! I thought that was one of the many duties performed by young Macallan.
RJD(153) Sadly, the Young Macallan's been performing his lifeguard duties all day...trying to rescue all those froggers who are heading for the rocks offshore after being swept away from the Beach. Poor lad's fighting a losing battle, just as we've been doing lately. Never mind....rum punch for all the survivors is now being served.
Fifi (152) - I'm joining the grumpies. It seems it's all our fault the blog is creaking and groaning.
I think the bloggering is all part of some Big Brother's Big Blogger experiment where they push us to the limit and see who gets moderated off.......
Eddie tells us that things on the Blog will improve next month. On the basis of that information my next post will be 1st March 2007.
In the event that things improve before then perhaps someone who knows my email address will let me know.
With little expectation that this will ever get through, I remain yours truly bloggered
RJD
RJD - it's all finally got to me too. I resent being blamed for bloggering it all up, so I may not even bother trying any more. Too frustrating. I tried complaining somewhere at teatime, and guess what, it never appeared. That's a first. How can it all be our fault I wonder? Eddie'd be talking to himself if we weren't here, wouldn't he?
Oh, it's morning, finally. Sorry if I disturbed any of you with my restless night, in that hammock over there. Feels like I had no sleep at all, apart from the wierd memories. Perhaps I'm also blogged up, or possibly bloggered.
Anyway, started the coffee and croissants (for those not flying off for the weekend), plenty for anyone else able to get here.
If I'm not dozing in a corner, I've got an awful lot to do in February, so back later, bloggages permitting.
RJD, Valery, I have similar feelings. Especially about resenting being blamed for the problems.
Dead Blog.
Was that brief enough for you?
Pain au Raisin pour moi Deepthought (159)
Well, I've emailed Fifi on her lilypad, for news when this is working again... I 've been patient, I've only multiple posted once...but what's the point of the frog if it can suddenly be hours before you know whether the post appears, let alone get responses...
Help yourself, Stewart.
Au Revoir mes petits Froggeurs!
See you sunday. I'll bring you back a stack of croissants and some nice coffee!! GMxx
Please don't leave Regular Froggers - I won't have anything to make me laugh during work if you go!
have a fab weekend!
T
thanks Val but it was the second time it was used already!! but you are too kind to me...
btw, how far back do you hunt for postings? and how do you find out if there's anything there..??
I have my own method but always curious about online behaviour! and tips!!
gossipmistress (164) Don't forget the Confit, the Calvados the foie and the cabecout. All to be on the bar by Monday
Just to let you know I'm still lurking (occasionally) and when the grumbling stops, I'll give the blog a test run and then call everyone back in.
So far I've put Robbie, Anne P and John W down for the current lilypad.
There's plenty of room for more, and don't forget you can have jokes too!
Fifi
(no longer in the huff but also no longer prepared to keep trying...)
Hi everyone. Due to problems with transmission I haven't been able to post much, not that I've had much to post. I trust that someone is doing something about it all!
I'm relaxing with a G&T at the moment! Anyone else want one. It might help ease the blog frustrations!
Mary
Been to a funeral, so not tried posting today before now.
Just to confirm that like Fifi I'm no longer cross and I will lurk in the hopes that one day it will improve, but meanwhile not waste endless eons trying to post in the face of 502, blank screens and unending egg timers.
Sorry folks.
..I was not going to comment further until Fifi called the all clear, but I went to the Radio 4 schedule, only to find a notice that says:
SERVICE MESSAGE
Due to technical problems some of our schedule pages refer to Radio 3 programmes. We are working on a solution
Need I say more?
A frogger enters the PM site..
FROGGER: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
TECHIE: We're closin' for lunch.
FRGR: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Blog what I posted on not half an hour ago from this very keyboard.
TCH: Oh yes, the, uh, the PM Blog ...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
FRGR: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
TCH: No, no, it's uh,...it's resting.
FRGR: Look, matey, I know a dead Blog when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
TCH: No no it's not dead, it's, it's restin'! Remarkable Blog. The PM idn'it, ay? Beautiful verbage!
FRGR: The verbage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
TCH: Nononono, no, no! It's resting!
FRGR: All right then, if it's restin', I'll wake it up!
(shouting at the screen)
'Ello, Mister PM Blog! I've got a lovely fresh posting for you if you show...(techie hits the screen)
TCH: There, it moved!
FRGR: No, it didn't, that was you hitting the screen!
TCH: I never!!
FRGR: Yes, you did!
TCH: I never, never did anything...
FRGR: (yelling and hitting the screen repeatedly) 'ELLO BLOG!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is a nice fresh posting!!
FRGR: Now that's what I call a dead Blog.
TCH: No, no.....No, it’s stunned!
FRGR: STUNNED?!?
TCH: Yeah! You stunned him, just as it was wakin' up! Blogs stun easily, major.
FRGR: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That Blog is definitely deceased, and when I logged on not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged posting from Ed Iglehart.
TCH: Well, it's...it's, ah...probably pining for the Sequin.
FRGR: PININ' for SEQUIN!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?
TCH: The Blog prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable blog, id'nit, squire? Lovely verbage!
FRGR: Look, I took the liberty of examining that blog when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been was on the screen was because you had painted it there.
(pause)
TCH: Well, o'course it was painted there! If I hadn't painted that blog there, it would have diversified into numerous discussion groups and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
FRGR: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this blog wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'It’s bleedin' demised!
TCH: No no! 'It's pining!
FRGR: It's not pining'! 'It's passed on! This blog is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker!
'It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't painted it on the screen it'd be pushing up the daisies!
Its processing is now 'istory! It’s off the screen!
It's kicked the bucket, It's shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!
THIS IS AN EX-BLOG!!
(pause)
TCH: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
TCH: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of blogs.
FRGR: I see. I see, I get the picture.
TCH: I got a slug.
(pause)
FRGR: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it converse?
TCH: Nnnnot really.
FRGR: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
What a business ,eh?
Hang in there- Please?
Better soon!
Mollyxx
Fedup Frogger. I LOVE it! Made me LOL.
That's the sort of thing I read the blog for.
Will say no more (brevity clause invoked)
PS, Sometimes, just sometimes, my postings go through ok. About 10% of the time.
But yesterday's newsletter came in at 10 pm last night. Guess you can't win ' em all
Molly - u r only 1 on frog 2da? :o(
Three cheers for Appy - today's strapline princess!
H.
What are you all up to? I dont get this 502 error message and only occasionally get the Too many postings message (which is always not true)
Could it be a windoze internet explorer issue? Use mozilla or Opera and see if that makes a difference.
The only real delay I get is the time from posting to seeing.
Hmmm Stewart M (177) could be on to something. I'm frogging on my home PC using Firefox, and it did seem go work a quicker just now...
Hi All, I've brought along some pastries to go with the fresh pot of coffee that's breweing...
Congrats, Appy at getting the strapline for today:-)
Nicely done, Fedup Frogger!
I'll apologise right now for not being around this afternoon, but it's the 6 Nations, so the beer and TV are beckonning...
Of course FF (178)it could just be its Saturday and no one is frogging.
Hate to kill a theory Stewart (177) but I've been using Firefox and having dreadful problems. Posted last night at 19:55, waited 8 mins, got 502. However, I now see my message promising to stay away did (fickle creature that I am) actually get through but timed at 20:08.
Now hitting submit, in the spirit of enquiry, at 12:35
Hello all,
Right I've waited two hours since I posted this:-
FF, I use Firefox all the time, and I'm still getting 502 errors.
I think the main problem may be, they don't like sarcasm.
B'n'B (I wonder what kind of mood I'm in today)
All,
For interest, I never use explorer. Always firefox, and I've had plenty of 502s and malicious malicious posting warnings....
More signs of Global warming: An early spring is indicated by the first sighting of the greater buzzing waterbeetle (Aquaphallus Japonicus), on the fullmoon lunchtime tide. A full month early.
xx
ed
Enjoyed the Dead Blog Sketch!
...breaking out again....
Stewart (177)
I'm using Mozilla (on Linux), and I do have the problems of others.
Stewart (180), more likely all the usual Froggers R waiting 4 improvements B4 they come back. (not much good on txt spk).
Well done FedUpFrogger, and congratulations Aperitif!
That's my words allocation used up already. Wonder if this will post...
Fifi
Hi froggers. Sorry I haven't been around much lately but have had sooo much work to do and now I'm quite exhausted. Good for nothing. A bit like this blog, I see.
Congrats on today's so topical strapline, Appy - you need something to listen to (for hours on end) whilst on this blog!
Any news on dates, Ffred? Believe me, sitting in front of TV watching sport with beer in hand never won fair lady ...!
Question for today: what's the difference between this frog and a lot of Norfolk turkeys?
Answers on a postcard, please (no hope of getting them through the moderators).
Meanwhile, let's leave Ffred to his TV - come and join me over here in the shade with some excellent chilled Sancerre I picked up recently.
Oh and btw, I just loved Fedupfrogger's dialogue - I could hear it being said as I read it! Wonderful - lol.
FUFfrogger, you done a good thing!
In February I'm being an honorary bloke today - spent hours tamping concrete (yes it's episode umpteen in the Garden Building Saga) to make the first bay of the three. Looks damn fine too, I might send a photo to Jonnie's blog since my WOYW never pitched up anywhere. So now I'm flitting between my team playing in the Scottish Cup on the PC, and the Calcutta Cup on the TV.
I could spare some Magner's if anyone wants to join me?
Bill'n'Ben (182),
Perhaps "Bolloging"? (Bolloging)
(had to cheat to get that underlining).
FedupFrogger, LOL
Another in a series of experimental blogs to see what happens.
Obviously it can work perfectly when it wants to.
Typical bloogy adolescent.
Lovely strapline, Appy - and not a recycled one, either . . .
LadyPen
Oooooooooooo. Nice blog, PRETTY blog!
Yes you CAN have £5 on top of your pocket money to go to King's Lynn with. And no, it doesn't matter WHAT time you're home . . .
xx
LadyPen
I am a very new frogger and have tried to contribute occasionally. It is mightily frustrating to get error messages and I'm beginning to think I'm wasting a great deal of time although I enjoy reading others contributions very much. I'm hoping this gets through although I suspect the dreaded 502 is waiting round the corner.....
While Big Sister is in Welsh Wales, I am making another batch of her wonderful chilli.
Later in the week we'll have friends round ... he's got cancer, she's got something as yet diagnosed, their planning permission's stalled and unsurprisingly she's depressed!
Like Brian, I am testing the water over the next few days. One more stupid error message and I'll chuck it for the rest of the day. Monday will be the real test, when we're all back at our desks....
6.58 posting NOW.
Fifi
fedup - yep, like everyone else I enjoyed the skit!
especially "lovely verbage"!
Lord Mair (and NBP) –
Me and the blog have been sitting right over at the other end of the beach having a quiet and serious talk like grownups while dabbling our toes in the water and letting the odd handful of soft sand trickle through our fingers.
It tells me it’s a bit blogged off by all the nasturtiums that have been recently cast in its direction by both ±«Óãtv techies and the general frogging public, and wishes to assure both groups (especially the fr*gging techies, it says) that its recent lack of functionality has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the
- length or otherwise
- frequency
and/or
- malignancy
of anybody’s postings.
Somebody, it says, Must Have Been Fiddling.
Now neither it nor I have any evidence whatsoever with which to back up this assertion but I offer you the following scenario in support of it. It concerns my spare-room door.
Until last night, the door on my spare room has opened and closed in a perfectly satisfactory manner, even when (occasionally) slammed. Shortly before midnight, however, my daughter and two of her friends (for some reason which has not yet become clear despite repeated beatings) opened it as far as it would go and then leaned on it. As any self-respecting door would do, it objected violently to this kind of treatment and showed its displeasure by causing the three long screws attaching its upper hinge to the frame to become detached from said frame with the result that the door itself was unable to either open or close.
Upshot: one completely fr*gged piece of equipment. Cause: fiddling.
Shall I send two of my semi-resident Gorgeous Young Men round to whatever dingy ±«Óãtv basement houses the blog, along with a knife (I could only find cross-headed screwdrivers, not the ordinary one)? They mended the door . . .
xx
LadyPen
PS I note that Fifi’s last message (193) posted itself before she wrote it. Now that IS clever!
LadyPen : Guess who missed one of the clocks last time we rejoined GMT?
Duhhhh.
Actually, I am forming a theory:
If you say when you're hitting the Submit your comment button, it goes straight through.
Please send the gorgeous young men round to MY house first. Not for any reason other than eye candy!
;o)
Fifi xx
Fifi - or rather all,
I've formed the theory that when you hit "submit your comment", it goes straight to the moderators. What happens next is in the lap of the gods. That one gets no response, or an error page, does not mean it's not been submitted....
LadyPen, your casting nasturtiums...well I do it all the time...my previous examples are lasting well in the greenhouse ...
Unfortunatley, I don't come under your "Gorgeous Young Men" selection process. I find it ironic that my sister-in-law married my brother because I had taught him to cook!...
My reply got 'error 502'-d.
Something is badly wrong ih the kingdom of Denmark!
Fifi
We use Firefox too, & I've had the error message a few times, & most other times it just goes onto the everlasting egg timer thingie.
I've realised now to just leave that eggtimer running, & scroll back up to carry on looking at the blog, & somehow, it seems to post eventually. I don't keep track of how long it takes, because I can't be bothered. I don't always get the acknowledgement bit though, but I don't think a posting has been lost yet.
Today's Pr*v*te *y* (that's Private Eye if my coding was too abstruse) has a lovely section about the ±«Óãtv sending invitations to suppliers to join their electronic invoicing system, "to improve the sluggish payment system" (according to the Eye). But there is apparently a £750 charge per year to join this electronic invoicing system, & a further 69p per invoice for smaller suppliers ( fewer than 20 invoices a month)
Now hands up everyone who thinks it would be a great idea to join, if one was a regular supplier? Why do the words "sluggish system" feel spookily familiar?
Having not had error 502 I can't help in your frustartions. I have hgad error 503on another web site and that is a server problem. So is that the problem we are having? Any way my Weissbier and Cabernet Merlot going down nicley with last weeks waking the dead.
Wow! I sent that strapline in ages ago and certainly didn't expect it to appear by now -- I nearly missed it as I wasn't going to log on tonight after all the bother lately. And I still didn't notice it until I saw Humph's congrats - thanks Humph, and everone else who's kindly said so too.
Now then, will this post?
I see the beach is quiet today, no doubt because of the bloggages we're experiencing. If anyone's out there behind the dunes lurking, I've left some whisky and a nice Merlot behind the bar...
Anne P has had a Comment Submission Error already today. Grit!*
* FRS
Fearless, I'll have a drop of that Merlot please. I've just made some lovely calzone pizzas out of the leftover soft tortillas from the other night's fajitas. Lovely and light. Do dig in...
Fifi
Anne P has had a Comment Submission Error already today. Grit!*
* FRS
Fearless, I'll have a drop of that Merlot please. I've just made some lovely calzone pizzas out of the leftover soft tortillas from the other night's fajitas. Lovely and light. Do dig in...
Fifi
Anne P has had a Comment Submission Error already today. Grit!*
* FRS
Fearless, I'll have a drop of that Merlot please. I've just made some lovely calzone pizzas out of the leftover soft tortillas from the other night's fajitas. Lovely and light. Do dig in...
Fifi
Thanks Fred, lovely Merlot. I tried to get to the Beach twice this morning but was denied access. I'll wait here in this hammock and see what happens. If you see me tapping my foot it's not a sign of impatience, just me recalling the wonderful Irish music we heard last night from a band called Lunasa. I've been diddley-deeing all day.
Well, I hope this frogs okay...
Sorry to've bee silent, but I was out at the cinema. For those wanting gossip, yes, I went with someone :-) As for the film, we saw Blood Diamond. I'd recommend it, but bear in mind it's a serious film, with some very strong themes. Anyway, nice to see the Merlot's going well. I have a secret supplier who can land a case here on the beach regularly, so I'll make sure we never run out :-)
FFred
Tried several times today and after submitting a post the system just hangs.
It is Sooooooo frustrating.
I'm abandoning the beach and blog in favour of a Toby carvery tonight.
With you all in thought :-)
Fat chance of this making it anyway!
Just thought I'd tried to get here again, the force field around the blog has been too strong for me today....well here goes
Somehow I don't see you in a Toby Carvery Jonnie, but maybe that just goes to show how difficult it is to get an accurate idea of people on line.
will this post? - you'd better hope so cos I'm bringing a half case of Shiraz with me.
Admin Annie - I'd love some of your Shiraz. I did climb into a lovely lined hammock earlier, with a nip of Ffred's whisky, and left a message to say as much, but somehow I never appeared here on the beach........
Let's see if there's any better luck around tonight - I did manage to get into the Brow a couple of minutes ago :o)
Bonjour Les Froggers!
Just hopped off the Eurostar from Paris after a fantastic weekend, only to find the blog still bloggered and the country full of bird flu!
Well, to cheer you all up, there is Champagne and Calvados for this evening and a stack of fresh patries for tomorrow morning which will just need popping in the oven for a few minute - whoever's first up!
Stewart M - sorry, I refuse to bring Foie Gras:-(
But please accept the Champage in lieu:-)
We had 2 beautiful bright sunny days and walked miles. Saturday night we went to the opera to see 'Tales of Hoffman' - fantastic, funny and definitely PG in several places! And
Eurostar is sooo much nicer than flying. I'd recommend it to anyone else who's thinking of going.
Helen Sparkles - how was Spain? GMx
Hello if anyone's around. I just got back from one of the posh do's in London.
If you don't mind I'll just have a small champers, thanks GM, and then throw some logs on the fire and curl up in a hammock.
Will it get through at 2.55???
Now this is odd... Eddie has been setting up the weeks' beach on a sunday the last few weeks, but here we are, 9:25am on Monday already, and no beach. I wonder if Eddie is looking into things for us before laying the sand. If so, Eddie, please let us know how you get on, as we're a teensy bit frustrated at the mo (slight understatement there!)...
Gossipmistress, thanks for the patisserie. I'll try to get to the oven , but I may not make it until lunchtime if I'm denied access.
I've just had a message snatched up really quickly in the Brow, but I don't know how long it will take to appear. Let's see......
Evening all...too chilly for anything but a quick dip. Marc tells me he's off to China. Seems a bit extreme. I only moved to Manchester when the blog crisis all became too much. See what you're doing to the poor man! Have a good weekend.