The truth about Bohemian Rhapsody
Why oh why oh why did I do it? It’s the question I lie awake at night asking.
It’s the question my friends are simply too polite to ask. It’s the question which is as uncomfortable to answer as it is to ask. Why did I agree to appear on TV singing grotesquely out of tune and higher than a chorister with a rubber band twisted round his gonads?
Lest you missed my bit part in the annual Children in Need humiliation of ±«Óătv journalists, those good and gentle folk on Have I got News for You replayed it last night. Ego, of course, goes a long way to explain why people – whether political editors or Pop Idol contestants - make fools of themselves for your gratification. In my case, though, the answer’s more shameful still.
It’s fear – of seeming a humourless spoilsport.
My new ±«Óătv colleagues did warn me. Just say No they said. Say yes once, they said, and you’ll never escape. I took heed. When invited to join in the fun by Pudsey’s little helpers I ever so politely declined saying that sadly I was busy that night. I was free or so I thought. No problem, a second e-mail said, we’re doing a video of Bohemian Rhapsody to be recorded whenever suits you.
“You don’t understand. I don’t want to make a prat of myself even for that bloody bear and those cute but appallingly deprived kids” read the e-mail I never had the courage to send. So it was that I headed for the recording consoling myself that I only had to sing “Mama Mia” a couple of times.
On arrival I was told there’d been a change of plan. Dermot apparently didn’t fancy his part so I’d been given it instead. And so it was that I did a falsetto version of “I’m just a poor boy I need no sympathy”. My only worry at the time was that I might be late for the World at One.
“You were great!” “Yeh, marvellous, Nick” chorused the producer, the director and the singing coach (what do you mean you couldn’t tell there was one?) Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of a studio technician bent double with tears streaming from his eyes. If it’s the last thing I do I’ll get Dermot bloody Murnaghan. Maybe I could do that for charity.
I'm 
Comments
You'll be back doing something even more humiliating next year.
Surely if a couple of minutes of humiliation each year causes people to donate money and therefore improve the life of just one child then it's going to be worth it?
It wasn't that bad Nick!
Anyway, when do you start recording your segments for 'Grumpy Old Men!' :-)
If it's any consolation Nick you sing a whole lot better than Chico from X-Factor!
It was, to be fair, the highlight of the night, though - who will ever forget Andy Marr manically air-guitaring...? Besides, once you've done next year's, this one might not seem quite as bad...!
Relax. People do not think the lesser of you [quite the opposite] and it was laugh out loud funny.
Well, Nick, you did it and we're collectively proud of you. Just think, the humour you provided no doubt enticed people to put their hands in their pockets and fork out for charity. Much kudos.
I saw it last night, but i was too drunk to remember the quality of your performance.
Go on Nick, you enjoyed it really!
Sorry, Nick, but i was too entranced by Fiona's legs. Were you in the sketch?
I wouldnt worry about it. I dont think people think much of jounalists anyway
If it's any consolation to you at all, Nick, it gave me a well needed laugh as I was eating my dinner!
We agree with Tony Rushby - you were MUCH better than Chico on X Factor!
And it was all in a good cause. well done you!
Myself, I'd have chickened out.
So there I was, this grumpy old bear, thinking I might just have got away with avoiding children in need, pugsy bear and especially anything to do with embarrassed journalists.
Not against those kinds of things - good for charities and all that - but I like the philosophy of "pay in advance and not have to watch the wretched show"
"I am on HIGNFY" says Mr. Robinson in his blog. Well, he has been kind enough to read my comments so I will return the gesture.
And what do I get?
Thanks a bundle!
Though I do think you are very brave. Is brave the word I am looking for here....?
Mike has it right ^.
You don't see Dermot 'bloody' Murnaghan guesting on HIGNFY though...
All you need to do is get Boris Johnson to join in the next one...
Your article "The Truth about Boehemian Rhapsody" and Children In Need was interesting. I agree that I would not allow myself to be humiliated that way. But, I like witnessing these Children In Need Programs via the computer to entertain myself. At times, looking at the programs provided a welcome recovery from the horrors of Hurricane Katrina and Wilma that we had in Florida. Regardless, I would like to thank the ±«Óătv and its journalists for being there during our time of need.
Nick you were great. If Andy Marr can dress up in fishnet stockings for the Rocky Horror Show (two years ago I seem to remember?) then you've nothing to worry about.
What next....Strictly Come Dancing??