Paper Monitor
11:58 UK time, Wednesday, 25 November 2009
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
The story of a film actor losing it by interrupting his curtain call to harangue an audience member is rather compelling. But how to make this tale really sing?
- that's the Daily Mail's take on the story.
Harry Potter villain? What, Voldemort?
No, Professor Quirrell. He was in the first boy wizard film. Chap in a turban. Him. Or rather, the chap who played him. Whatsisname. With the glasses. Looks a bit like John Lennon. Actually, didn't he play John Lennon once? Or was it twice?
Anyway, him.
How do the other papers cover the alleged incident?
"Why did he lose the plot? Actor faces police action after lunging at fan in the audience" - Times. And its online SEO-friendly (search engine optimisation) headline is: .
Oh, Ian Hart, you say? I know him. But can't. Quite. Place. Professor Quirrell.
In other news, brain training experts claim an hour of sudoku can burn off more calories than are in a choc-chip biscuit. Well, they would, wouldn't they?
How to illustrate this piece? After all, the numbers one to nine being placed in little rows of boxes isn't the most visually arresting of topics. The Daily Express deploys the oldest trick in the book - a photo of a young blonde in her smalls doing the puzzle. So does the Mail, only with a brunette.
By the by, an , which, quite frankly, is asking for it:
"Calories burned by the average sedentary woman in a day 2000.
Number of hours in a day 24
Average number of calories burned in one hour: 2000/24=83.33
So girls I'm afraid Suduku will burn around 7 calories an hour over what you would normally use and is thus not all that useful as a weight loss strategy.
Erik, Derby"
Meanwhile, Paper Monitor does not pretend to know everything. And this is today's imponderable. Why dress a three-year-old in heels? Gold strappy sandals, to be precise. In November. When you yourself opt for slouchy biker boots 'n' jeans?
For this is what Katie Holmes has done - again - with wee Suri. The Mail :
"'Dressing Suri in amazing outfits has become Katie's favourite hobby,' said a source... Despite a near-tumble while walking in heels last week, it seems Katie is determined to get her daughter ready for life on the glamorous red carpet. 'Suri can't always walk in her heels, sometimes she just steps right out of them,' the source admitted."
A source? Someone who personally knows the Holmes-Cruise clan, or someone who has looked at the many, many photos of Suri in many, many outfits, struggling to walk in heels?
SPOILER ALERT Soap fans may not wish to read any further.
And finally, what follows is perhaps the poorest deployment of a spoiler alert ever. This is the Mail's headline on an :
Lucas makes sure his wedding to Denise goes to plan... by killing off his love rival Owen
Spoiler alert!
Look away now! Oh. Too late.
The 
