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17:22 UK time, Friday, 13 February 2009

Monitor note: A truncated bunch as the mailbag was swamped with stray caption comp entries.

Hmm. Sofa, books and music I have (Paper Monitor). But I'm supposed to be nice and soft to attract a partner, eh? Is there some form of 12 step plan I can consult?
Susannah, Northampton

Dear Paper Monitor
Papers are read,
Everyone's blue,
All our money has gone,
But at least we have you.
Happy Valentine's Day (for tomorrow).
Anon

It sounds like a great idea to have an , which automatically inflates when you come off the bike. But I'm sure if I had one I'd forget to switch it off at the end of the ride and it would inflate as I walked away from the bike.
Adam, London, UK

Louise (Thursday letters), I believe using "exaggerated" rather than "fabricated" allows the ±«Óãtv to made a pithy allusion to Mark Twain. Well done ±«Óãtv.
Zara, Leeds

Does the picture of all the send a chill down your spine? There, but for the grace of god...
Ian, Bristol

Look, I'll cut to the chase: I want lots of money, but no single person will give it to me.
So how about everyone who reads this letter sends me 1p (or national equivalent) in the post - what's 1p to you? Probably nothing. But if I get enough, I may just be able to afford the paper to send thank-you notes.
Ben Merritt
The Barn
27 Millhouses Lane
Sheffield S7 2HA

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