Paper Monitor
11:08 UK time, Tuesday, 30 September 2008
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Today Paper Monitor would like to highlight the gloriously diverse natures of Britain's newspapers.
Pick up any of these information repositories, wrought in ink, and it is possible to find a story that perfectly sums up the august organ's character.
It's all about the stunts at the Sun. No major news event is complete without a gimmick and in the case of the Sun today it's a chance to own a T-shirt bearing the legend "I OWN northern rock (AND BRADFORD AND BINGLEY)". Readers have to send their name and address to I Own A Bank, The Sun, 1 Virginia St.
The newspaper shows another side of its character in the centre pages with "I asked hubby for threesome with his best mate... it ruined my life". Ah, who really refers to their husband as "hubby"?
The Daily Mail, with its stock-in-trade warning of going to hell in a hand-cart, seems slightly flummoxed by the fact that we are actually going to hell in a hand-cart. What else can it panic about? Giant baby-eating lizards roaming Peterborough? An outbreak of the Black Death in Cheam?
It has to settle for "The white-flight exodus of 75,000 Britons a year".
The Daily Express manages a superior standard of frothing in its leader on the banking crisis.
"In any other walk of life the negligence displayed by the greediest bankers would be classed as criminal. In China they'd be executed." A line not unexpected for a paper that a year ago reported with a straight face that 8% of the population were keen to put criminals' heads on spikes.
White Van Man does not buy his Daily Star to hear about hell/handcart scenarios. He wants to escape from stress. The Star delivers with "£5m FOR BRITNEY SEX TAPE". Bradford and Bingley is relegated to page six.
You might expect the Daily Mirror to go on about the current crisis with a vague note of "we told you so" and it delivers its usual support for Labour with a leader entitled "Prime man for the job".
In the Independent we have "A mannequin on a toilet and dry porridge - it's the Turner prize". The newspaper has the kind of readers who want to hear about the nominees for the art prize, but do not need an sidebar asking "what is art?".
Over in the Guardian "X Factor fills vacuum left by God in schools, says head" fits the bill for pop-culture-but-viewed-down-our-noses.
The Times plays to its core audience with "Council tax freeze would bring £210 boost for middle classes".
And the Daily Telegraph has a story that is positively Telegraphalicious. "Elderly face prison for feeding birds." Handcart reaches destination.
The 
