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TO: All Magazine readers

DATE: Monday, 7 July

TIME: 1130 - 1330 BST

PLACE: Here, on the Magazine Monitor

Monday 7 July marks the 5th anniversary of the Magazine, and Monitor readers are invited to celebrate at a special lunchtime live letters party. Between 1130 and 1330 today, the Monitor will be hosting a constantly updated conversation in which everyone is welcome to pitch in with their t'penneth worth. Everyone - - is welcome. When it's all over, we'll move to the lounge and dance into the small hours of the afternoon.

---POSTED AT 1330 BST---

Can I get my coat now?
Stig, London, UK

---POSTED AT 1328 BST---

I'm meant to be doing some work at the moment but seeing as all the managers here have chosen this moment to go to lunch and everyone else in the office has gone outside for a cigarette I thought I'd drop a quick line to say a very Happy 5th Birthday to you! And now I'll get back to work, honest...
Lewis W, Sutton, Surrey

So where do we queue for the goodie bags? You didn't forget them did you? did you?
Pix6, Vienna, Austria

I see the celebs have started arriving - Louise (how is Jamie by the way), Jordan (you looked fabulous outside court the other day) and Corey the Australian Party King. Who's next I ask myself!
Mike Thomas, Wirral

Sally, I don't think we'll get party bags, just ...

Elaine, Cardiff

Now that we're all in a fit of drunken sugar rush from too much champagne and cake, I think it's time for...the Conga!!!
Louisa, Leicester

This is certainly a lot more interesting in work... May I suggest parties on a more regular basis? It certainly seems to encourage PM to post more promptly! Now where is the cake...
Clair, N. Ireland

I found my treasured LBQ keyring and got here just before the party finished.
O.G.Nash, Doha, Qatar

Hi Monitor, Happy Birthday, Hope i'm not too late for the party. Me and Sarah have bought baked cheesecake!!
jackie Short, west midlands

---POSTED AT 1324 BST---

MONITOR: Hey groovsters, does everyone here know ?

---POSTED AT 1321 BST---

I've just checked my window Mike, everyone here is quite selfishly still fully clothed, whatever happened to the party spirit?
Neil, The Wirral

Do we have to pay royalties if we want to sing Happy Birthday?
Lee Richards, Teesside, UK

Oh dear! As I had one of my captions returned as being unsuitable for the eyes of the public, am I banned from the party too?
Rob Falconer, Llandough, Wales

MONITOR: Just keep away from weepy girls in the corner, and be careful what you say to Glenn

---POSTED AT 1316 BST---

The monitor never posts any of my letters! And I have spent more time on the monitor than I have on any job, today has been a trip down memory lane....
Andrew, Liverpool

Thanks for the invite, I've not been to a 5th birthday party for a while now. I brought a rabbit-shaped jelly.
And the word for a kiss from an elderly relative could be 'kistle' - close enough to 'kiss', but with unpleasant connotations of 'gristle'.
Steve, Southampton UK

What, even if I promise not to inhale?
David Dee, Matola Mozambique

MONITOR:.

---POSTED AT 1309 BST---

I'm partying in my dressing gown - fantastic! There are a few defining moments when you stop being a full time student and realise you are actually now just unemployed. I think this is one of them. hmmm.
Sian, Reading

So, we've had cheese and pineapple hedgehogs, a lovely piece of BakerCake and a small glass (or three) of reasonably priced sparkling wine... there's an MC Hammer-themed musical statues competition in the living room (holding still mid running-man is especially tricky) and MySpace gatecrashers are prowling the outskirts looking for a way in. The big question: where are the party bags and is there anything good in them? I've got my finders crosses for a balloon, a Drumstick lolly and a miniature pack of playing cards.
Sally, London

Party clothes from newspaper. The Monitor does surprise me. Do your talents never end? Now, who's up for a game of Spin The Bottle?
Talia, Bristol

Can we have a game of pass the parcel?
Princess, Newmarket

Caroline: have you bumped into Does she look anything like you expected?

James Russell, Birmingham

Anyone fancy a game of drinking cabbaging? You take a drink for every link you click before you get back to the 90's...
The Bob, Glasgow

Is someone attempting the Macarena?
Phil, Cardiff

It's all gone terribly quiet. We haven't had a visit from the police, have we?
Sharon, King's Lynn

Oh dear, I've spent so long reading all the '5 Things' articles that i've missed out on all the fun! Bet there are only cheese sandwiches and Tab left now...
Molly, Dorking

MONITOR: No Tab, but a dusty old can of.

---POSTED AT 1304 BST---

Jimmy Savile once found my mum's dog after it escaped the house! I think that trumps meeting Michael Fish in the scrum for the VIP department? Hapyp birthday by the way, dear Magazine Monitor!
Louise, Bedfordshire>

Call this a party? .

Corey Delaney, Melbourne

The trains were late this morning, it's a Monday and I'm working hard ... apologies if I'm not on form, but I've not had a letter published in 5 years and then you don't invite me to your birthday party. Is there some kind of national tribunal I can take this issue to?
Jordan D, London, UK

Has the strip-o-gram I ordered arrived yet?
Mike Thomas, Wirral

NOISES OFF: BING BONG
MONITOR: Who could that be at the door? Talk about fashionably late...

Grrr. I missed the party. That'll teach me to go spinning whilst on holiday. Happy Birthday anyway MM/PM!!!
Candace, New Jersey, US

MONITOR: Ahh Candace. Mwah.

---POSTED AT 1300 BST---

My colleague says as she didn't get a personalised invite she's going to complain to the Swedish Parliament...but I'm sure a small slice of cake and a balloon will pacify her.
Janey, Edinburgh

Hi Craig - I've already asked when PM became MM but I can't find anybody sober enough to give me an answer. Maybe you have found the solution and they are two different people.
,

Thank heavens for this party, and the champagne. Can i bring the 4 batchelors i work with ? i am hoping someone will take them off my hands. please, someone !!
Paula, maidenhead

Craig (1241): I think you will find that Monitor, Paper is Monitor, Magazine's non gender specific sibling. PM is clearly the younger, more party loving of the two given her consistently tardy time-keeping.

Danny C, London

MONITOR: Oh dear, spinning head syndrome.

---POSTED AT 1256 BST---

Hi. I just wanted to let you know that my mate thinks you're quite cute.
Liz, Maidstone

MONITOR: [Blush... in a saturated teal sense]. Uh-oh, the neighbours are complaining...

My divorce came through today. Don't feel like celebrating so keep the noise down please
Glenn, London

---POSTED AT 1252 BST---

One wonders whether we will get cake wrapped up in copies of old newspapers. What else does the Monitor do with them?
Talia, Bristol

MONITOR: Fashion them into non-gender-determinative party clothes... at a guess.

Thanks for the invite, sorry I'm late. Is there anything left? And I'm sooooo very chuffed about my Caption Comp. 1st place mention! (Had to get that in!)
sarah, trieste, italy, Trieste, Italy

---POSTED AT 1246 BST---

Re: Emma at 1221 Do you mean

Danny C, London

Bagsy I be the wallflower sobbing in a corner for no discernable reason...
Sharon, King's Lynn

MONITOR: Hold on, we can't have two sobbing girls...

Do you have any pictures of you as a baby?
Belinda Walker, Devon

Where is the VIP area? Don't you know who I am? I once met Michael Fish! No, that's the way to the exit! Put me down...
Nigel Macarthur, London, England

---POSTED AT 1241 BST---

So the Paper Monitor just heard from the Paper Monitor. Either PM likes referring to oneself as an outer being, or there is more than one PM and we have all had the wool pulled over our eyes for the last 5 years.
Craig, Dorset

Sorry I'm late...I got caught in the torrential rain and my T-shirt was totally see-through so I had to go home and change...what do you mean that was unnecessary...?
Sam, Waddesdon, Nr Aylesbury, UK

Hmmm... unwelcome kisses from elderly relatives. Isn't that a peshwari nan?
Sharon, King's Lynn

---POSTED AT 1239 BST---

Can someone pass me the Tunnock's please?! I've had enough Monstor munch for now...
Caroline, Nottingham

Let your lady appreciate the lengths you'll go to please her.
SEXY 1ADY

MONITOR: Spam canapé anyone?

Are we following the for this party Monitor? Oh wait...I suppose we're not children really...
Talia, Bristol

I love Monster Munch! Well done MM! Are you having a nice time? Kitchen is where the party's at. I've brought Twiglets. Can we jive though? I love to dance!
Dunky R, Edinburgh

Partying is such sweet sorrow...
Will Shakespeare, Stratford-on-Avon

Congrats, You are doing wonderfully well.
adebayo bakenne, Nigeria

I knew there was a reason I'd taken the day off today! Happy Birthday.
Camilla, Cambridge

---POSTED AT 1231 BST---

It should be pointed out that other 5th birthday parties are available.
Tim Miller, London, UK

I always end up sat on my own in the corner.
Frank, Bristol

MONITOR: Have you met the weepy, willowy girl?

---POSTED AT 1229 BST---

MONITOR: Just heard from Paper Monitor, who is being a real stick in the mud. Says (s)he is sitting at home in a non-gender determining pink tux waiting for an invite from the Times' People column. Hello Hugo... hello... hello...

---POSTED AT 1227 BST---

Is this a queue for the toilet?
The Bob, Glasgow

I've brought bunting to decorate the party! Hope you like it.
Mairi, Edinburgh

Is it OK if I plug in my iPod? I brought all the Steps albums.
Tim Miller, London, UK

Oh dear. MM has had too much to drink already. 12011BST?
Gareth, Tokyo, Japan

MONITOR: Sorry, retrospective corrections have been made.

---POSTED AT 1221 BST---

Can someone direct me towards the champagne please?
Eleanor, Liverpool, England

If James is being the drunk uncle, can I be the girl who ends up in a corner crying. I'm really good at it, and even have non-waterproof mascara on today!
Emma,

MONITOR: By all means. Every party needs a weepy, willowy sort to add existential depth to the superficial frivolity.

I've brought you a present Magazine (or Monitor. Or both? Whose birthday is this anyway?) - your own personalised bound copy of the most up to date Flexicon. I particularly like the latest entry, inpspired by James/ Ted in Bristol - drunkle. This may also be used as a verb, ie "i'm going to do some serious drunkling at that wedding". See also: pancing (embarrassing dad dancing) - I'm also trying to think of one for unwelcome kisses from an elderly female (not necessarily related)
Sally, London

MONITOR: Ahh, now that's the spirit... in an entirely enjoying drink responsibly sort of way.

---POSTED AT 1218 BST---

Oh God, there's always one who has to sit on the photocopier isn't there....
Pink elephant, London

Lunchtime live? I thought you said jive!
Simon Rooke, Nottingham UK

Happy Birthday Magazine, 5 today! Did you get some nice presents?
Helen C-W, North yorks

Monitor: Nope, still waiting. But hold on, why are you grabbing my legs and arms... guys... guys...

Bumps!!!! One..... Two...... Three...... Four..... FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
and one for luck!
Robert, Surrey

---POSTED AT 1213 BST---

What a WONDERFUL excuse to start drinking at 4 AM!!!
roarshock, Oregon USA

MONITOR: Ahhh, hello Oregon. Have you brought any helium balloons - we hear .

---POSTED AT 1211BST---

What's a pretty girl like you doing at a party like this?
Anton, Farnham

What's this? I have to sign a non-disclosure agreement not to release details of paper monitor's gender when we meet him/her/it? Oh all right then, why not?
Lester Mak, London, UK

Hi! This is nice.. Can newbies join the fun?
Zee1, London UK

MONITOR: Of course, Zee1 - everyone's welcome... you are with present, presumably.

---POSTED AT 1207 BST---

Having managed to get through the traffic and find somewhere to leave my coat, I'm really looking forward to meeting the PM... (Is the colour of the cake a clue to his/her gender?)
Sarah, France

MONITOR: (S)he's running late... you won't be surprised to hear.

---POSTED AT 1205 BST---

Are we going to be having party games? I especially like musical statues...
Trish, Scotland

MONITOR: Bagsy be the Angel of the North.

---POSTED AT 1202 BST---

Excuse me a moment whilst I move my laptop into the kitchen. Everyone knows that's where the best parties happen.
Deborah, Surrey

MONITOR: Good point Deborah. Everyone out of the master bedroom.

---POSTED AT 1159 BST---

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Monitor
Happy Birthday to you!
Ruth, Scotland

Are Caption Competition and Punorama invited?
Elanor, Loughborough

Has anyone else claimed the role of the uncle who gets overly drunk and embarrasses everyone at this party yet? If not can I stake a claim for this coveted position, I do so like a drink in the morning.
James, Bristol

Monitor: By all means James, although you'd need to adopt a more suitable drunk uncle moniker - Uncle Ted perhaps.

---POSTED AT 1156 BST---

I'm only staying if LBQ is turning up...
Al Newell, Bournemouth, UK

What a fantastic place you've got here - must be the size of two olympic swimming pools...
William, Bracknell

Monitor: More like .

---POSTED AT 1153 BST---

Why, MM, I do believe I am not sufficiently inebriated for that. Also, I appear to have ingested a dictionary!
Estrella, Brum

Thanks for inviting me to your party MM! Are you serving nibbles? I'll have some VAT free, non-potato based Pringle crisps please...
Fiona, Glasgow, Scotland

Monitor: Sorry Fiona, it's Skips or pickled onion Monster Munch for the moment.

---POSTED AT 1148 BST---

Sorry i'm late - the weather on the solent is abysmal!
sarah b, isle o'wight

Par-tay!
Helen O, Falkirk

Where are the Twiglets?
Robert, Surrey

In a fit of nominative determinism, I have made you a cake. Enjoy!
Mrs Baker, Cambridge

Stevie Wonder's Happy Birthday is a bit cliched. Have you no techno?
Mike Thomas, Wirral

---POSTED AT 1145 BST---

I just *knew* you'd be classy enough to include cheesy pineapple sticks, the spread looks simply marvellous...
Daniel, London

---POSTED AT 1141 BST---

MONITOR: Yes, Pixie, it's been incredible - the number of people visiting the Magazine over the past five years. Oh, sorry, you didn't mean internet traffic. THE music is very loud in here.

---POSTED AT 1143 BST---

How many buses did you have to take to get here?
Mike Thomas, Wirral

Would you mind keeping it down, I work nights you see...
Tim , London

---POSTED AT 1137 BST---

Happy birthday, magazine. May you have a long and fruitful life, and plenty more news quizzes.
Emma, London

You wouldn't believe the traffic...
Pixie, Berlin

---POSTED AT 1134 BST---
Are you published here often?
Pix6, Vienna, Austria

---POSTED AT 1130 BST---
Where do we leave our coats?
Stig, London, UK

MONITOR: Oh hello! So lovely to see you. Mwah, mwah,

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