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If only the Caption Competition were back I'd find myself typing something like, Devil in a red dress tries to recruit George Clooney to her evil army of the living dead with her death stare but inexplicably missed and ends up giving the girl in yellow the infamous red halo.
Dan, London

If only the Caption Competition was back I'd say: "lucky b*".
Ty, Jersey

Did anyone else notice that in "If only the Caption Competition was Back (pt 5)" the dresses get shorter as the women get closer to George??
Emma, London

OK you win. with spanking and a tea break beats our hand of with one prostitute on a boat.
Candace, New Jersey, US

I thought you'd like to know that you just saved me hundreds of pounds! Paul Greggor's letter alerted me to the liquidation of Oasis (with whom I'd just booked a flight) and a quick call to my bank has ensured that they won't see my money. Thanks, Magazine!
Edward Green, London, UK

Great meetings you wish you'd been in on - ?
J Rogers, Maidsone, Kent

How exactly does the government justify that cake is NOT a luxury item and not liable to VAT, yet razors and women's sanitary products ARE deemed as luxuries and therefore VAT levied?
R Shaw, UK

My rule is, if you can dunk it, it's a biscuit. This doesn't include very small pork pies, of course.
Mike, Newcastle upon Tyne

RE . I thought it contained .
Suzi, Portsmouth

A haiku in honour of our own Paper Monitor.
Letters each PM:
Funny names, where's Caption Comp?
I will get my coat.
Helene Parry, S Wales ex-pat to Brentford

Inspired by haikus
I send Monitor e-mails
For dele(cta)tion.
Violet, Leicester

Coffee made of poo
Gordon Brown seen on A.I.
No punorama?
Sarah, Uxbridge

I was most amused
By today's "quote of the day"
I thought you should know.
Sophie, Belfast, Ireland

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