Paper Monitor
13:16 UK time, Monday, 16 April 2007
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
There's only one story in town for the tabloids: Kate and Wills' break-up (with the curious exception of the Daily Express which, having long obsessed about William's mother, turns its attention to its number two obsession - weather).
But at least the Express is on solid factual ground with its giant "80Ëš" headline marking the top temperature in some parts of the UK yesterday, while the other are, technically, at least, dealing in rumour.
Not that the lack of something as trifling as official confirmation - there has been no official word from either side in the story - would get in the way. Why, even the prime minister has waded into the fray, commenting on a story that so far has been stood up on unnamed sources.
There's a test for the maxim "all publicity is good publicity" as the Daily Mail runs a photo across its front page of the unfortunate Middleton wielding a cardboard box bearing the legend "Spar - Onion Rings" and heading into her parents home.
Paper Monitor hopes Spar is braced for a Delia-style rush on their no-doubt tasty onion-related snacks.
The same image appears in the Sun, which means that it is not a paparazzi image, as it was the Sun (and the rest of News International's stable) wot promised not to use any of the erstwhile future queen (EFQ). Neither can the Sun's use of images of Kate and Wills in a group of friends and alone on a skiing holiday be deemed paparazzi. So there.
The Independent doesn't seem to be acknowledging the Kate and Wills affair, unlike its brainy cousins on the Guardian, Times and Telegraph. But what's this? A two-page spread inside the paper on "the Royal Reject: The end of a romance".
Strangely, the royal in question is the wonderfully-monikered Isabel Sartorius y Zorraquin de Marino, once a girlfriend of Spain's Prince Felipe. Only in a weensy factbox does Miss Middleton get a mention.
The Telegraph carries the extraordinary suggestion that acquaintances of William mocked Miss Middleton's non-traceable-to-Norman-invaders lineage and non-U speech, and were particularly scathing about the EFQ's former airline stewardess mother. They would whisper "doors to manual" as Kate arrived, the paper suggests.
Paper Monitor is not impressed.
The 
