Would You Let Your Children Do This?
Can you believe they used to teach schoolchildren how to make ashtrays? It's true. Let me take you back to 1976 and my metalwork class. There I am, cutting and moulding a five inch square sheet of steel and then soldering on a little curved fag-holder. My dad was a welder and I thought he would be so proud when I showed him the final product.
He wasn't.
I remember him pointing to the poor quality of soldering which left gaps at every corner. So what? Aside from its inability to hold burnt tobacco, my ashtray was perfect. But I think that's when Dad realised I was not destined to follow in his footsteps. That was when he stopped taking me on tours of the steelworks.
So the other day someone asked me if I would encourage my own children to pursue a career in radio. I couldn't give a straight answer.
Radio, it has to be said, doesn't figure hugely in my children's media habits. My daughter (14) listens to local radio in the evening when she's doing her homework. Simultaneously she'll be on her little netbook computer, messaging her friends and assuring us she's only asking for help with that maths problem. Aye right.
My son (12) plays games on PS3 and he edits his own video films. He also listens to Sportsound every weekend and can name several ±«Óãtv Radio Scotland personalities. He was very impressed when I told him that I had actually met Annie McGuire in person and even spoken to her on several occasions. He also likes Richard Gordon, David Begg and Jim Traynor but nags me to punish Chick Young because he used to complain about the long drive up the A9 to cover matches in Inverness. (I recently teased Chick by mentioning the prospect of Ross County being promoted to the SPL and the extra half hour that would add to his journey).
But will either of my children want to work in radio? They're fairly brainy so they might follow Mrs. Z and go for a career in science. Of course I've told them that such a job requires a lot of hard work and that the money is rubbish, but those lab coats are cute aren't they?
I balance that with my description of radio folk as being the nicest people in the world, but that we kind of wallow in our 'Cinderella service' reputation compared to our colleagues in film and television. We like to point out that the budget for a TV "wrap party" could fund a year's worth of output on the wireless. That's not true, but we say it anyway. It makes us feel righteous.
The truth is, though, that there is more money in TV and the big bucks are going to fund innovations like digital services, high-definition and even 3D TV. All that costs millions while, back in radioland, I find myself turning down some great programme ideas for the sake of a few hundred pounds. The financial people call that kind of moan 'shroud-waving' and I'm not allowed to do it too often.
Probably the best and most heartfelt advice I could give my children would be that they should stay clear of a job in radio, because then they'll have more fun listening to it.
But will they take that advice? Well it's a bit like that ashtray.
I have my doubts.
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