How to talk about mental health with your child

An opinion poll conducted by Parents’ Toolkit and popular parenting website found that many parents of primary school aged children noticed that their child had expressed feelings of loneliness and anxiety, with nearly 1 in 3 saying that they’ve noticed a deterioration in their child’s mental health over a 6 month period.

We also found that 63% of parents said that mental health was never discussed whilst they were growing up. In turn, the poll found that only 40% of parents said they felt ‘very confident’ when talking to their own child about their mental health.

It can be difficult to navigate conversations about mental health with your child - especially if you didn’t have those conversations when growing up. Laverne Antrobus is a consultant child and educational psychologist who has over 20 years’ experience in family mental health. Here are her top tips to help you build confidence when initiating conversations about mental health.

6 ways to talk about mental health with your child

1. Talk about good mental health

mother and son talking together in the kitchen

Ask your child how they think you can work together to look after their mental health. Encourage them to think about the things that make them feel positive and happy.

It could be something as small as going to the local park for some fresh air - or drawing or watching a movie. Knowing what lifts their mood can be so useful for the days that they feel down but it’s also important to keep up these activities regularly for their general wellbeing.

2. Offer to face challenges together

young girl looking stressed and holding her head

Sometimes children can stumble across information or news that’s upsetting – let your child know that they can always talk to you if they see something that makes them feel worried or confused.

Help them to understand that everyone faces challenges from time to time and that you’re there to help them find solutions when things get tough. You may want to share some challenges that you are facing - and how you’re overcoming them.

3. Encourage talking to someone they trust

Remind children that talking to you and other trusted adults about their worries is often a good way to ease their concerns. Emphasise that they don’t have to deal with things alone and remind them that they have a community around them who want to help.

Talk about adults who might be able to help e.g. a grandparent or a teacher. Ask your child who they’d talk to when they get worried and let them know that you’re pleased to know that they’ll ask for help when they need it.

4. Celebrate good mental health

father and daughter laid on bed chatting

Try to notice when your child talks positively about things they have overcome – for instance if they mention working hard at something they were finding difficult, building friendships, or taking time out to do the things they enjoy. Give them the encouragement they deserve.

5. Trust your instinct to share your struggles and to ask your child about theirs

Don’t feel embarrassed if talking about your own mental health. Being open in a way your child can understand will help them to cope better.

Asking your child about their struggles may feel tricky, but it will signal to your child that you’re there for them especially when they’re going through a tough time.

6. Ask for help

If you think your child has mental health difficulties – your own worries about taking the best approach or talking about it might stop you from taking action. You may need support to work through these feelings so that you can focus on the things you can do to help your child.

49% of poll respondents thought that there’s a stigma for parents whose children have mental health issues. However, there will be times when as a parent you may be worried about your child’s mental health. If you have any concerns, it’s important to speak to friends and family to hear their thoughts about how best to support you and your child.

This might feel hard or embarrassing at first, but you may find that sharing your concerns with others allows them to share their worries with you and you can support each other.

Remember that if your worries persist, talk to your child’s school or your GP. Knowing where to go and how to access the help and support that your child might need is crucial to building good mental health and well-being.

For more help on where to go – see this article: A mental health first aid kit for parents: Who to ask and what to do.

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